Marriage: year one

Our first year of marriage has been bookended by fire alarms.

At our wedding last year, just a we had finished dinner, our MC Wendy was about to take to the mic to start the speaking portion of the evening when a fire alarm went off. There was another wedding at the inn that night and one of their table cloths had gone up in flames. The dutiful Canadians in the crowd all got up and went outside in an orderly manner, while the Czechs and Americans sat out the fire alarm inside, something we all found awfully amusing. It was the true Canadian obedience I'd told Wendy about in action.

The tablecloth was eventually subdued and we were all allowed back into the inn after an impeccably timed after dinner 7th inning stretch. I was actually kind of pleased about it because it meant that I actually had an opportunity to wear my veil as a wrap.

Just 30 minutes ago, a year to the day we got married, we were jolted out of bed for a real fire alarm as one of the tenants in the basement had left some pasta sauce on the stove and fallen asleep. All was remedied, but as we got back into the house and got settled, M commented to me "I guess it's all about fire alarms with us."

We're new to the concept of anniversaries. When we got together in 1998, things were a little blurry and complicated so we've never really had a date to mark the relationship with. There were all these new things to sort out. Do we celebrate on the actually anniversary day (yes) or the nearest weekend (no)? Are we doing gifts (yes)? There were details to sort out. Apparently it's been solidified that it has to involve a fire alarm in some manner.

Which is definitely one way to get your heart pounding and make you take notice of an important event. Not that I need help in making my heart go pitter-patter when I think of M.

Being a newlywed was great and I think we've started this marriage off in a wonderful way. The whole matrimonial experience has been more than I'd imagined it could be. But to be honest, as cool as it's been so far, I'm almost more excited about what's come in the future. Even if it means always having a fire extinguisher near by.



Today's sing-a-long song: "Such Great Heights" by The Postal Service

HRH

Evidence

After a crazy week back I have finally found time to get the honeymoon photos up and organized on flickr. The stream is a bit of a mess now, so I would suggest looking at the photos in sets. Please enjoy!

Venice
Florence
Rome
Prague

Next step, honeymoon summary post. Forthcoming I promise!

HRH

A summary for people with short attention spans... or jet lag

Prague: Felt like we'd never left. Guess it really is my third home. Was so amazing to see everyone and revisit old haunts.
Venice: Still magical. So happy to he able to share it with someone I love so much
Florence: Up to our ears in art. Oh and it turns out I can drink cask wine. No preservatives. Boo ya!
Rome: Stunning, astounding, a tad tough after dark. So much good cheese.

Conclusion: Honeymoon perfection. More information and boatloads of photos to follow after westward oriented jet lag frees me from it's evil clutches.

HRH

Idleness is the beginning of all vices

I had a small post-wedding crash on Wednesday of this week. It was small and easily rebounded by looking a photos and spending some time with my husband (he!), but a crash none the less. I really understand why people take off on their honeymoon immediately after their weddings. It prolongs the buzz and you get to just enjoy eachother, rather than sitting at work feeling bitter about being at work.

Of course by going on our honeymoon in October, we're stretching out the wedding-related joy just a little bit longer. Which is all good in my books as the wedding turned out to be more fun that I'd even imagined it could be.

But what to do with myself now. Planning a wedding in eight months was like a super-fun part-time job. While there are still some things to get done (thank you cards, printing photos, etc), it's nothing in comparison to the pre-wedding ramp up. I can honestly say that I truly enjoyed planning the wedding. Yes there were moments of stress, some sleepless nights and tears a few times, but as a friend pointed out to me, even if you're upset or fighting about your wedding, it's still awesome because you're upset or fighting about your wedding.

So I have a sudden increase in my free time and rather then allow myself to completely crash I'm opting for a proactive approach. I started writing in one of the notebooks we gave away as favours and made a list of all the activities I've consistently enjoyed, in no particular order:

Music, Makeup, Flying, Dance, Painting, Organizing things, Scuba Diving, Shopping, Fashion, Photography, Art history, Film, Cake/dessert decorating

Then I came up with something I can do in the next few months to keep me active in those interests. Things like finally taking my double bass in to be refurbished so I can get back to playing, taking more dance classes, carrying a camera with me more often, visiting the museums and galleries in Toronto (they're sometimes free on Fridays), attending from drawing classes and maybe a cake decorating class.

Ideally I'll get going on at least one of these things, otherwise it will be boredom and introspection and it's not pretty when I go there.

Today's sing-a-long song: "Ready to go" by Republica

HRH

The first bits of evidence

Many thanks to John R for providing the first photos and to my Dad for walking me down the aisle so well!

Update: Alasdair has also posted a series of great photos from the wedding if you're so inclined to have a look at them.

HRH

Could we stay right here until the end of time

Today's the day, and even though it's raining and thundering right now, it should make for a great afternoon when it clears.

I'm pretty relaxed, believe it or not. Really happy and very excited. It's going to be a fantastic day.



Today's sing-a-long song: "Gorecki" by Lamb

HRH

The last days of Chelsea Gay

Last week when M and I were creating the placecards for the reception he asked me "So what name do I put down for you?" For some reason I freaked out a bit and asked him to put down my maiden name. He looked at me kind of funny and all I could say was "Just for now. I just.. just my maiden name for now."

Changing my name has been something I've thought about for years. My name has not been without it's challenges. Some have said that it's a very pretty name, though most have reacted to it with the typical stream of tired jokes. I really won't be missing those at all and I'll enjoy that people may have to work a little harder to find something to instantly mock about me. Not much harder, but a least it may inspire some variety in the barbs.

Reactions to the news that I'm changing my name have been mixed. My family has been very supportive of my wishes, which was really key. Some people have reacted with total shock and indignance, which I find puzzling. Wasn't the whole equal rights thing about giving people the choice to do what they want without being maligned for it? If you want to keep your name, awesome, if you want to change your name, awesome too. What's important is that it's your choice.

Philosophically I've been ready to do this for a long time. I really love the idea of sharing a name with M and it's a totally awesome name, so I'm trading up. I thought I was totally ready for the change but my reaction last week threw me for a bit of a loop.

Suddenly it was very real. It wasn't me sitting in a meeting, bored out of my mind, practicing my new signature (oh how I mourn the loss of my wonderful cursive "g" and "y"), it was that in a matter of days my name was going to change. I was troubled about it until I spoke with a friend who is getting married two weeks after I am, who is also changing her name. She had exactly the same reaction when creating her place cards and for some reason, I felt better and like it was a normal reaction.

A name is just a name. My ego is not so delicate that I derive my personal strength from my name. Sure, there's a great deal of sentiment (both positive and negative) associated with it, but it's just a name. Who I am won't be changing, just the way people address me will be.

The actual process of assuming M's last name will take me months. There are many documents to wait for from the government and then many offices to visit to get new ID. But on Saturday it all begins. The last day of Chelsea Gay.

So while I make my last preparations for the wedding and becoming Chelsea Novak (and putting Chelsea Novak on my reception place card), if you're so inclined, please leave your favourite joke about my maiden name. You've got just about 56 hours to get them all in.

Today's sing-a-long song: "Keep It Gay" from The Producers

HRH

A new-found respect

...Or as much respect as I can muster for strippers.

I am in pain today. An altogether different pain than last weekend (phew), but pain none the less.

Yesterday Natasha and Dawn planned a wonderfully fun "stagette" day for me. I was really smart in my bridesmaid choosing I have to tell you. Everything we've done has been fun and not at all embarrassing. Which is impressive since I spent two hours yesterday at a pole dancing class.

Natasha picked me up early yesterday afternoon with her only instructions being "bring workout clothes." So I did and she drove me to Flirty Girl Fitness, possibly the nicest fitness studio I've ever been to. The place was gorgeous and everyone was exceptionally nice. The three of us were signed up for a pole dancing class which the studio describes as "a phenomenal total body workout that builds fabulous muscle tone. Totally hot. Outrageously fun. Prepare to leave this class a Diva!"

And they were totally right. It was so much fun, but so much hard work. I used muscle groups I have possibly never used before and have a new appreciation for the physical strength involved in wrapping yourself around a pole gracefully and trying to look sexy at the same time. Not easy, but very fun to try to do, especially in the company of your best friends.

The rest of my stagette entailed a very yummy dinner in the company of even more friends, cocktails at the very posh Ultra Lounge and then we contemplated dancing at Velvet Underground, but the DJ wasn't feeling our vibe. Which is really fine, since two weeks from now I will get to be the DJ and dance to all the music I really want to hear.

So all in all, this whole pre-wedding girly stuff has been super awesome. Fun, classy, not uptight and I managed to make my way through it without having to be out in public wearing a veil covered in phalluses (we saw one girl wearing one last night, poor thing) nor having to enjoy the special humiliation that comes with having to wear all the bows from your presents on your head. Thank you to all, but primarily Dawn and Natasha, for making the lead to up the wedding so completely awesome.

Today's sing-a-long song: "Don't Cha" by The Pussycat Dolls

HRH

Not very good at moderation

So shower season continued this week, with a wonderful one put on by my co-workers. Why it was so much fun that I suspect that I downed two bottles of Frixenet all on my own. I may have had help, I don't really remember. I do, however, hurt.

It usually takes me several months to regain my taste for drink after a hangover like this one. I have six days. Oh dear.

Today's sing-a-long song: "Flowers become screens"

HRH

Showered

Yesterday Dawn and Natasha threw me the most fantastic bridal shower. Eschewing the shower games that I'm not sure anyone actually enjoys, Dawn set up an afternoon high tea at The Fairmont Royal York hotel. Could it possibly be any more perfect?

It was the best afternoon and the perfect shower for me. My dear friends, sister, mother and future-mother-in-law shared a seriously delicious tea with me (my first time at high tea, if you can believe it) and then I was given some seriously awesome gifts. I've been nibbling on the leftovers I brought home from the tea all day and been reminiscing about the whole high tea experience.

I hope this has set the tone of the rest of the wedding experience, cause I still can't get over how wonderful it was.

Thank you all so very much!

HRH

There is no Chelsea, only Zuul

It is a sunny summer day. Not too humid, a light breeze passing over the city. Our scene finds us with a young woman of about 29. She appears calm, collected, reasonable and rather cutely attired.

She seems fine on the outside as she weaves her way through the crowded city streets. Her cell phone rings and she engages in a wedding-related conversation. It is one month to the day to her nuptuals. Up until this day she has been what those in the know refer to as Zen Bride. Not hugely stressed about the details, effective and effcient in her task managment, diligent to the core. Calm, cool, filled with anticipation of a very fun day, but largely normal and sane.

The crowds become dense and irritatingly slow. The young woman only has her quickly dwindling lunch break to get her many wedding-related tasks done. The person on the phone tells the young woman some wedding related news she doesn't want to hear, news that Zen Bride would have been slightly concerned over, but would have dispatched a solution with skill. But Zen Bride is gone now. Long gone.

Upon hearing the news her gaze narrows. The sun seems to fade from the sky, the earth begins to tremble. Steam appears to be busting forth from her ears. She rears her head back as if to shout and emits a terrifying screech. A sound that could only come from a beast 100 times her size.

And then the unthinkable. Before the eyes of stunned onlookers, the normal young woman, once revered for her composure, transforms before their eyes. She grows up and out, turning green and growing a tail, fangs and claws, with an absurdly large chiffon veil top her newly formed lizard head.

She is Bridezilla. All will feel her wrath and get the hell out of her way cause she's got things to get done.



HRH

The above was a fictonalization of what's been going on in my head the last few days. Bridezilla still remains caged, and as M points out I'm not turning into Bridezilla, I'm turning into Stresszilla.

Maybe a little manic

I don't want to make it seem like wedding planning is all that I do, but when you look back at what I've done in the last 48 hours, it's hard to argue the contrary. What have I done you ask? Well, I've purchased the favours, purchased the major component of the table centerpieces, attended the wildly successful fitting of Natasha's bridesmaid's dress, found and purchased shoes, procured the wedding licence, set up meetings with the wedding site coordinator, florist, photographer and cupcake maker, created a shot list and headshot cheat sheet for the photographer, changed my mind and decided on the flowers about four times and set up the first fitting for my wedding dress.

Gotta say it's pretty fun.

HRH

Pick up the rock and the bugs come out

With the two month mark not far away it has come time for me to, once again, dive into the scary world of wedding supply company Web sites. I've been really lucky so far in that a lot of my contacts for products and services have come to me by word-of-mouth, so I haven't had to subject my eyes to all this terrible Web design to find the things that I need.

What alarms me more than the bad vendor sites that I've come across in my plunge into the wedding Web are the individual wedding preparation sites. I must be working on a different wavelength then the rest of the world. I thought that mentioning the wedding more than once a week on my blog was being way too blaby about the whole thing. Turns out there are people out there with 20 page Web sites dedicated to their wedding planning, with links and plugs for vendors, quizzes about how well people know the bride and groom (what is Cyndy's favourite colour?) and a schedule for the wedding weekend (just in case anyone with access to the Internet wants to crash).

Yes, I made a Web site to accompany our invitation. A mind boggling three page site with info on directions and accommodations. I thought it was maybe a little much... Clearly not. I had no idea what insane proportions I could blow this whole thing into.

Then I discovered a bunch of online bridal forums and I walked through a door into a world of bridal insanity. Some of them were full of honest and earnest questions about weddings (my favourite forum topic so far "Chocolate fountain - Should I?"), some comforting universalities (like how it's a frustrating and confidence shaking experience for everyone who is waiting for RSVPs to come back, *ahem*)and many useful tidbits of information (though the section on flowers almost made my brain explode - why can I only be sure of what I don't want!). However, there were a lot of photos that involved dry ice. Dry ice!!!

And then I got to the dress section of the forum and saw the worst thing yet... A girl who had purchased the same dress as I have for her wedding in April... And it did not look like I think it looks in my head. Eeek! Just when I thought I'd gotten over all my dress-stress I see this! Gah! A week before the first fitting too! Maybe it didn't fit her like it fits me, but man, it sucks to see stuff like that.

From this point on, I do my looking for wedding related products in person.

HRH

Ring-a-ding-ding

M and I got our wedding rings this weekend. It was really interesting to be part of the ring selection process. When we got engaged, he did all the choosing (based on some pretty specific hints I'd dropped over the years) and all I had to do was stand there, say yes and marvel at what he'd created. This time I actually had to try things on and make choices. Such hard work!

We'd been trying to find a Saturday afternoon to get out to the jeweler's for a couple of months at least. Things kept coming up and getting in the way. Finally we found a Saturday that worked. We got to the jeweler's and had to wait behind a guy who was throwing down about seven grand for a diamond engagement ring. A guy who wasn't totally sure that she was going to say yes. Like damn. I have to confess that I sat there feeling a little smug. Not only was I a sure yes for M, but I also don't like diamonds. He lucked out if I don't say so myself.

Anyway, dude bought his ring and I sat there feeling really anxious for him. But I got over that pretty quickly as it came time for us to sift through all the options and bring forth our own design ideas. We like to come off like we're modern and hip, but deep down, we're awfully conservative and traditional.

My engagement ring is an adaptation on the Tiffany Lucida mount, so I knew that my wedding ring was going to have the same rounded shape to the edge of the band. I'd been toying with the idea of having it inset with a row of round cut sapphires, but looking at it with the ring it was going to be overkill and ultimately detract from the stone in the engagement ring. In the end my choice ended up being really easy. A Tiffany-style band with stones or without.

One thing that M has always maintained being important to him is that the rings match as much as they can. I asked the jeweler about it and in her experience about 95 per cent of the time wedding rings don't match which I actually found surprising. My engagement ring has a really high setting, so I can easily wear it with my wedding band, which has always been my intention. That meant that there was no way that my ring was going to be the same width as M's.

So a lot of the choice came down to M. Would he choose something ornate, what kind of metal would he choose? Well, like me he chose the classic Tiffany band. Even though my ring is half the width of M's, it's exactly the same ring. The conservative, traditional rings. Yay for matching.

HRH

In case you were confused

You take this:



And you put it together with this:



You get this:



Ahhh.

HRH

Florally retarded

Why didn't anyone tell me that there are hundreds of thousands of options for bridal bouquets. When my mother bought me a book about bridal flowers I thought she was just getting caught up in all the wedding hoopla, but no. It's not an easy thing if you don't know what you want and what you need.

I can garden and I can put plants together in a planter, but this is like a whole other universe that I have no experience in.

I'm fortunate that I have my Mother, Tash and Dawn to let me know when I'm putting flowers together that simply don't belong. My florist is pretty forgiving too it seems when I call her with yet another insane floral combination. I get a lot of "Um... well..." and I think I've changed my mind at least 50 times. Terrible.

So much angst over something so disposable!

HRH

Precision team

I was never more confident in our choice of bridal party than this weekend. On top of the fact that my girls have talked me down from and through all kinds of pre-matrimonial panics and have helped me keep all bridal jackassery to a minimum, Dawn and Natasha further blew my mind on Friday when they picked out and purchased their bridesmaid's dresses in about an hour on Friday. Within 48 hours they had both found perfect shoes.

Mike and Chris further proved their awesomeness by helping M find the perfect suit in one shopping trip. Handily Dawn and I were shopping near-by and we can fully attest that these men know how to shop as my M looks fine in the duds he chose.

Tick, tick, tick those items off the list.

I still don't have the right pair of shoes as the fruits of the shoe lift turned out to be too gold (gah!). Seeing how well everything is coming together for everyone else gives me a lot of hope. And as Dawn pointed out, so much of this wedding has been really easy, there has to be at least one detail that just refuses to get sorted.

Today's sing-a-long song: "So Fresh, so clean" by Outkast

HRH

Weird and wonderful weekend

When it all started on Friday I thought it was going to be a simple, pedestrian, rainy weekend, but my activity level, ranging from the amazing sample wedding dinner on Friday night to the 3 a.m. kareoke on Saturday, indicate otherwise.

And from all of this I have three conclusions:

1) The food at the wedding is going to be plentiful and yummy.
2) A lot of people watch the news.
3) I completely rocked Against All Odds.

HRH

Worth every penny so far

The shoes made it safely to Canada last week and I was only slightly mocked by Phil for having big feet. But since he was my shoe mule I'll let him get away with referring to the shoes as canoes this one time.

I have them, they actually fit and thank goodness I got them when I did. They're now completely sold out in my size at Zappos. All that remains is testing them with the actual dress, something I'll do in a couple of weeks. No rush of course since Zappos has a 365-day return policy (Why? Why? Why only in the US?).

They're awfully pretty shoes. I sometimes just go into the guest room and stare at them. Last night I tried them on again and noticed yet another fantastic bonus: They make my feet look smaller!!!

They have to be the right shoes. They just have to be.

Today's sing-a-long song: "Move Your Feet" by Junior Senior

HRH

Operation Shoe Lift

What a small and strange world we live in. Who knew that a few months ago when I was connecting a colleague with Shaver and friend for some Metric tickets that I would be helping the kind man who is bringing the latest attempt at the right wedding footwear across the border into Canada, all part of a deal brokered by Mike?

Also, please allow me to pause and tell you all about how totally kick-ass the customer service is from Zappos. I place the order yesterday for the last pair they have in my size (typical), reading that it will take 4 business days to reach the chosen US location. I call this morning to see if it's at all possible that they can be sent earlier. The Shoe Mule is leaving for Canadaland on Wednesday so it was rather key that the shoes be there by Tuesday. So I call them and ask if I can pay for expidited shipping and they offer to upgrade me from the free four-day shipping option to the two-day shipping option at no charge, meaning the shoes will get there on Monday. "Fantastic!" I say, pleased as punch.

Then I get an e-mail from them about two hours later telling me that they've further upgraded the order to overnight shipping, again, for no charge. So the shoes will be delivered tomorrow. And I didn't even have to give them a sob story about these being the shoes I'm trying to find for my wedding or how they have to be flats or the right tone and colour or that I have pontoons for feet. No pleading required. Just great service.

Retail outlets take notice of what real customer service is, Zappos please start selling your products in Canada and God Bless America while we're at it.

Today's sing-a-long song: "Hunter" by Bjork.

HRH

Look at me I'm begging for more more more

I don't think there's anything as awesome as going for a cupcake tasting. Let's pause for a moment and revel in the wonder of mankind and the progress of humanity, my fortune at being born in the place and time that I have and advances in the dessert industry. I was at a fricking cupcake tasting! With incredible cupcakes!! I'm really not a good enough person to deserve this. Cupcake tasting!

Even better was the spectacular sugar high that I rode for at least an hour after the tasting. Most sugar highs are quick and fleeting, but this one, it got a good grip and made me nice and hyper.

Which makes me wonder if anyone every really opts not to order these cupcakes after a tasting. There's really no way for you to make a reasoned judgement when you're that hepped up. You'd agree to just about anything for another buttercream hit.

In other and completely unrelated news, I have five pounds to work off.

Today's sing-a-long song: "Sugar is Sweeter" by CJ Bolland

HRH

Damn the man!

Pretty much everything having to do with our wedding has been fun and amazing. If I had smaller feet, it would be the perfect superlative experience. Really. It's been a blast, save this small detail: Finding someone to marry us.

In some countries, anyone can become an ordained whatever through a variety of mediums and perform a wedding or two and it will be legally binding. A friend that we know and love marrying us, well that would be awesome. It would be so personal and so genuine. But because the puritanical province of Ontario demands it, we can only be married by a certified officiant (a distinction that only can come with an affiliation with a religion), a judge (in chambers) or a justice of the peace. But wait, recently in this province the duties of the JPs were altered, no longer requiring them to do wedding ceremonies. So unless you know one personally, you can't find one to marry you. And if you want to be married somewhere other than in a judge's chambers, you're stuck with an officiant. Who I'm positive are some of the darn nicest people around, but leave me in a bit of a situation.

What do you do if you're an atheist? How do I get married by someone religious without being a complete and total hypocrite? And how do I get over the anger I feel at having to PAY hundreds of dollars to have a complete and total stranger come to a very special and private moment to legalize a commitment they have no part of with the sanction of a church and the state, two things I have little fondness for?

I suppose you just take it on then chin like you do when you pay your taxes and salute the bureaucracy with your finger of choice, or do like Zeus did and take a dump on the label for my tax return. Thanks kitty for doing what most of us have wanted to do from the day we got our SIN numbers.

Anyway, I thought I'd found a solution in hiring a Humanist officiant. While Humanists are not religious, they are, in the government's eyes a recognized religion. We met with one and I came away from the whole experience feeling like I was being led into a cult (something I think was a reflection of the individual I met with and not because of the values of Humanism). I don't like "isms". I think that identifying with them makes it really easy for people to make generalizations about you rather than putting in the effort to really learn what you're about. Even having to say that I'm an atheist annoys me because it's an "ism".

So you can only imagine the disdain I felt when this particular officiant stated that he adamantly wanted to include a line about the principles of Humanism into the wedding ceremony, as in "Humanism is...". People are entitled to their opinions and their beliefs, but when I've hired you to perform a service, it is not an opportunity for you to recruit people to your movement. To me, it was tantamount to another officiant stating that we were marrying under the eyes of the lord or something like that. Something completely irrelevant to us. If we were Humanists, it might make sense. But we're not. We're not anything but the people we are and that's kind of the point.

I'm being my usual idealistic self in wanting the person marrying me to believe in and value the same things I do. I guess then I would feel validated by their endorsement of our commitment and not like it's some stranger I've paid.

I know I should just let go and hire a retired minister or something like that. Odds are we'll get someone assigned to us from the city (an officiant and thereby affiliated with a religion, but required to perform a civil ceremony) or use AllSeasons (because they let us do our ceremony any way we want). Most likely it will be just fine and I'll be so wrapped up in the rest of the good stuff of the day that I'll forget. In fact, I'm sure that once I have this person booked, this will all abate into a tiny memory.

HRH

Wound up

I've been truant. I'm sorry. Work has been chewing me up and spitting me out and not leaving much in the way of personal insight or observation.

Wedding planning continues, and at times, it is exactly the mental reprieve I need. We've got pretty much all the ducks in a row now and it's on to the fun stuff. We're now in the "four to six months" ahead part of planning. Which according to "The Martha" this is when we: Reserve rental equipment (done), arrange wedding day transportation (easily done as it's all happening at one venue), order stationary/invitations (in progress as we're designing it ourselves), reserve accommodations (done), purchase groom's attire, choose attendant's attire (ready for sea-foam green girls? ;-)), register, purchase wedding rings, sign up for dance lessons (weeee!).

So there's a good amount of time to get all that completed. In the mean time, M and I have been trying to figure out the music I'm going to walk in to. We're music people and the music is one of the few details that are really important to me.

I'd had this idea of the song that I was going to use for ages. It was just this thing I knew, but in revisiting it, actually thinking about it in the context of getting married and playing it for M, I've cooled on it. So I'm back at square one, which is both good and bad. It's bad in that a detail I thought I had totally sorted out I now don't (ack!). It's good in that I have an opportunity to scour through all the music that's meaningful to me and it gives M and I a chance to do something we always love to do; talk about music.

Plus, music soothes the savage beast so doing this and continuing to work out is keeping me from going bonkers from work stress. Yay for that.

Today's sing-a-long song: "Music gets the best of me" by Sophie Ellis Bextor

HRH

Mooning the masters of karma

I don't want to tempt fate and really ask for something terrible to happen, but this wedding stuff? It's pretty fun and really not so hard. Of course it's easy to say that it's a breeze when the day is more than six months away, but really, it's coming together really well.

HRH

I am Sisyphus and doing the laundry is my rock

In which our heroine comes up from Olympics watching for a breath of air, gets "the dress", ponders if her insomnia is actually an existential crisis and wonders if it was having to dry socks that made Camus and Satre so jaded...

Okay, does anyone else get choked up when they watch an athlete who's won gold singing along to their national anthem or am I one step away from becoming a Hallmark-loving, minivan driving, sap? Perplexing.

Anyway, a few updates while I've turned away from the three stations showing Olympic coverage...

Last Saturday my mother and I purchased my wedding dress in under 20 minutes. Of course the two weeks of pondering the options didn't hurt my decision abilities one bit. We got out of the bridal salon just as a total princess bride (and I mean that in the pejorative way) walked in. You have to wonder who exactly agrees to marry people like that. But I digress. Pretty dress procured. Everything is proceeding as I have foreseen.

I'm still not sleeping anywhere close to enough. I did sleep on Saturday after having a very long and active day. And I napped the whole way through Sunday. Hopefully that will be enough to get me through this week.

I am trying to get out of this sleeping headgame. I now turn my alarm clock away from me so I can't count the minutes and hours I'm not sleeping as they pass by. The cat waking me up an hour before my alarm goes off is not a great deal of help either, but such is the life of a cat owner.

Friends and readers have given me a lot of good suggestions and have tried most of them (save John R's suggestion of turning off my alarm clock. MADNESS I tell you!) and they've only made me more awake so far.

The problem is that I simply cannot get my brain to stop and even when I've lulled it into relative quiet, I'm shaken out of sleep by noise or a cat. And the things I think of... so random and from all the time periods of my life. Things I'd totally forgotten, embarrassing moments I'd blocked out...I try to think of pleasant serial memories and I do and then I'm off on a series of mental tangents that get my brain whirring again.

I haven't gotten my hands on any relaxation CDs yet, mostly out of consideration for M. I tried to bring the owl with me to bed one night and M found the tone and melody creepy, citing that they use that kind of music in horror movies for a reason. The reading thing just gets my mind going even more (granted I'm not reading fiction as I haven't been able to read fiction in almost two-and-a-half years). I'm about to start a book on the history of Japan. At least this bout of insomnia has been educational.

As for the anonymous poster's suggestion, that's truly an avenue to being totally awake for me. Thanks though.

Because of the way I have to spread out the pills I take during the day, any calcium I take a bed time would counteract the iron supplements I seem to constantly have to take. Not that being off iron makes me sleepy, no, just listless. Also I just don't want to take anything like a supplement to sleep. It's taken me a long time to get my pills into working and effective balance and I don't want to throw that off with herbals that, generally speaking, are poorly regulated and not in truly predictable doses, at least here in Canada.

So what's left? Drying socks. I have been doing laundry in this dryer for more than two years now and I still have not figured out the right balance of clothes to get M's socks dry in a single dryer cycle. Like having to do laundry once a week isn't annoying enough, but to have this perpetual failure! I take laundry far too seriously.

Today's sing-a-long song: "As The Days Are Long" by Tory Cassis

HRH

Keeping the universe in balance one shopping experience at a time

So wedding dress shopping has been very fruitful. I'm down to a couple of lovely options and will be making the final call with the help of the one who's dressed me the most in my life, my mother, next weekend. Indeed I am flying high on the experience of actually fitting into dresses and looking good in them. It's cool and makes all the work worth it.

But something occurred to me today. You can lose all the weight you like to fit into the clothes you love, but no matter what you do, you can never shrink your feet. I've accepted that the chances of me finding beautiful shoes in my size for my wedding day are really slim, if not absolutely impossible. It's not an easy need to meet. I have size 11 feet and I want as little heel as possible. I'd also like to wear shoes that aren't going to kill me with pain, which rules out most of the cute shoes out there. I don't think I could be further from the wedding norm. Which is basically what I'm striving for in most cases, except that most shoe companies provide shoes for the critical mass, aka: the wedding norm.

It's good that I'm wearing a long dress and really, no one is going to be looking at my feet. That helps. But keep in mind that I'm a shoe person. M and I have closets full of shoes, closets. It seems incongruous that for a day when I really want to look great that I cover my feet in something orthopaedic looking because it's the only thing that meets my requirements.

It may seem early to be concerned about this, but I've learned from the sales people that scolded me about leaving shoe shopping too late. I really do need to start shopping for summer shoes months before other people do because those elevens go quickly. If any of you are out and about and see a shoe (or even two) that's a one inch heel or so, white (ivory or off-white, even better), classy and just plain beautiful, let me know. I have a feeling this search is going to be a group exercise.

Today's sing-a-long song: "Move Your Feet" by Junior Senior

HRH

It's all for me?

Turns out it is true. Shopping for wedding dresses one of the most fun things you can do. Hot damn I looked good in those things!

HRH

So I can get my satisfaction

Today was a really good day for checking off boxes on my to do list. I love checking items off lists so much that I run the risk of becoming one of those OCD people who can't actually use the washroom unless it's on the list of things to do for the day. But maybe that's enough sharing.

I was able to check off seven to-dos from the Martha Stewart wedding list today. It's a good list that asks enough questions for me to elaborate on, but isn't a large and scary book covered with images of soft focus flowers. Anyway, today's work leaves us a mere five items to complete in the next two months. Dress choice, officiant, florist, photographer and a decision (or even a notion) about music for the ceremony (We've got the reception music sussed).

Of course this doesn't mean that I haven't been over-achieving about to-do items in other sections of the list. I MAY have already downloaded and completed the forms for the wedding license, maybe. I MAY have already started collecting information on assuming M's last name, maybe. I MAY have started bidding on a key mystery item for the reception on ebay, maybe.

So with all that in the works, I can relax some. Maybe read a book, bake cookies, rescue some orphans from a burning schoolhouse, continue work on my world-domination plot, nap... you know, back to normal.

Today's sing-a-long song: "Satisfaction" by Benny Bernassi & The Biz

HRH

Um, so, yeah...

I'm trying not let this descend into a wedding blog. I know this is about me and my life, but for some reason I feel this pang of guilt every time I'm about to type a post relating to the pending nuptials. I spent more time than I'm going to admit wanting to crawl through my screen to strangle the joy out of people who blogged about their weddings and here I am, and I understand why they did it and why I do it, but part of me really wants to be sure that I don't inspire that choking-lust in the readership.

It's hard to temper the joy and not cross the line into jackassery. I'm happier than I thought something like this would make me and largely unprepared for that.

Anyway, this situation leaves me with little to report otherwise as wedding planning is the bulk of what I'm up in my life. I'm having a lot of fun with it. Planning a party for the people I love is kind of like the event planner's dream. As such, I think you're all going to have to bear with me for the next 36 weeks. However, I'll be sure to wear a turtleneck with a small neck just to keep me in line.

Today's sing-a-long song: "Always on my mind" by The Pet Shop Boys

HRH

Wow I found it!

Who would have thought it would be so easy finding the perfect wedding dress... if I was walking down the isle to November Rain and secretly plotting my own death.

Sweet lucifer there's a lot of crap out there. Still I am confident that I will prevail.

HRH

Stablize your rear deflectors

I'm really going to have to get a grip on this ridiculously happy thing. I'm running the risk of tarnishing my cool and embittered exterior. However, being this happy and excited is just so much fun. I may have to develop a new persona to sustain it all.

Life has been a lot of wedding planning in the last week. It's pretty much awesome. Event planning is one of the things that I do really well and there's nothing more fun than planning a party for the people you love. It's going to be a (pardon my language) fucking awesome good time.

But it's not without it's challenges. I'm trying to keep perspective and not get eaten alive in the vicious chompers of the wedding industry. It's a good thing I've got M around to help me keep it real, lest I come home one day insisting on useless chair covers running $200 a pop. Chair covers. Oh the stories I've heard in the past week.

When I'm drowning in a taffeta sea of the 2000 some wedding dresses I looked at online this weekend (finding one that I would even consider wearing) or when I am under attack from a fleet of tacky, flying floral stationary I just repeat in my head "Stay on target."

Today's sing-a-long song: "Come into my world (Fisherspooner Remix)" by Kylie Minogue

HRH

Best Prom-posal Ever

I was already on my way to having had a wonderful holiday. My time spent in Kingston was filled with the pleasant company of my family, eventual peace amongst five cats and many days spent watching movies in front of my father's new 52 inch plasma TV. If I didn't want a TiVo before... My goodness do I want one now. But I digress.

The big news from the break happened when M and I took a much needed vacation to New York City. M suggested this trip back in November. Thanks to the generosity of friends and family we were able to fly down on frequent flyer miles, stay in a lovely hotel for almost nothing and live a little beyond our present means without all the pesky guilt and regret. For a long time I'd thought that this was just another bit of proof that we have the most amazing friends and family in the world (and we do) but it turned out that there was a hidden agenda.

I'd decided to let go my obsessive-compulsive self and let M organize the trip. He knows NYC much better than I do, the trip was his idea and I actually found myself enjoying the idea of just packing a bag, showing up and letting someone else worry about the details. Turns out it was the best plan.

We got to New York on Wednesday afternoon. M suggested that we head down to the village. It was a beautiful day, mild and sunny. We made our way Washington Square Park, a place near and dear to our hearts as I think we've watched When Harry Met Sally about a zillion times together. The last time we'd been there the triumphal arch was under reconstruction so I'd never seen it in all it's glory. It was really beautiful. The afternoon sun cast a warm glow over the park. I was really happy and relaxed.

M walked me over to the side of the arch and stopped. He turned to me and said "Now I can tell you the real reason why we're here. It's time for you to stop being my girlfriend," as he got down on one knee and pulled out a small wooden box.

Clone High fans will appreciate that as M asked me to marry him he said "I know this isn't a fancy prom-posal, but will you marry me?" I responded, through tears of joy, with "Yes! This is the best prom-posal ever!"

I remember feeling so many good emotions at the same time that a part of my brain must have broken. A lot of it is one big happy blur. I know it took me a day or so before I could really remember everything that happened. Even still I find I remember that I am engaged to marry someone so perfect for me and I get this big silly smile on my face.

I think that M and I were hugging and crying tears of joy for a long time before I even remembered to look at what was in the small wooden box. What was in it was too awesome for words. A sapphire the colour of the sky on a perfect day set in white gold. So blue and sparkly. And like that I was engaged to marry my best friend in the world.

And that was just the start of the most perfect 4 days. After a quiet late lunch and sending out a volley of text messages to let everyone in on the plan (read: almost everyone I know) know that it had gone well we went to see the hilarious Star Wars one-man show off Broadway. What better way to top off a day of great emotions with 90 minutes of laughter.

The next day involved walks through beautiful New York City in the rain, a serendipitous viewing of an exhibition of a collection of works of art from the time of Bohemian kings Karel IV, Vaclav IV and Sigismund at the Metropolitan Museum of Art, walks through the east side of Central Park and the Central Park Zoo (had to get a zoo in there to make it perfect for M). That night we enjoyed some delicious sushi and followed by ice skating at Bryant Park under the NYC lights.

Yesterday started with shopping at Sak's Fifth Avenue, something I have longed to do for more than half my life, and yes, it lived up to my expectations. Then we met up with some family friends for lunch on the upper west side and experienced the first re-telling of our engagement. After that it was a walk down the west side of Central Park, a little more shopping on 5th Avenue, topped off by dinner at a great restaurant in the village called Po.

We're home now. Happy and exhausted. I'm engaged and I feel no fear or anxiety about it. Just the overwhelming knowledge that this is the right thing and so much excitement about being able to plan a fun celebration of my relationship with M. I also feel so honoured to be with someone so thoughtful and wonderful that would put together a proposal and trip like this.

Today's sing-a-long song: "Aint That A Kick In The Head" by Dean Martin

HRH