The Kelly Clarkson scale

*As Kelly Clarkson's Miss Independent comes on the radio.\

M: I don't want to admit it, but I still like this song.
C: That's alright. There are some Kelly Clarkson songs that it's okay for a straight guy to like.
M: Really?
C: Oh yeah! It's totally acceptable for you to like Walk Away, Since You've Been Gone or Miss Independent.
M: Even Miss Independent? Isn't it all about female empowerment?
C: Not really. It's about how she's giving up being independent because she's fallen in love.
M: I should really listen to the words some times.
C: Admittedly, it's closer to the line than the other songs. You'd really get into trouble if you liked Because of You, Behind These Hazel Eyes or Breakaway. Breakaway would be bad.
M: That would be crossing the International Gay Line?
C: Pretty much.

HRH

Should I rewind?

I heard the new New Kids On The Block song Summertime last week. Because of work and social constraints I haven't had the time to sit down and give this song the attention it deserves.

Before I go on, I should state for the record that when I was 11/12, NKOTB was the sun that my world revolved around. My bedroom was plastered, from floor to ceiling in photos pulled from teenie-bopper magazines (My sister has a photo that she's holding onto for a prime blackmail opportunity of me sitting in the middle of my shrine, holding a photo of Donnie Whalberg, smiling an embarrassingly large smile at it all). I knew every breath of every song, knew every dance move and had the superlative moment of my 12-year-old life at their concert in Ottawa (which my very kind future blackmailer sister took me to). You know, just like every other girl at that time. :)

I'd like to be too cool for school here and be embarrassed of being part of that collectivist idolatry experience, but I am, in no way, ashamed. It was a hell of a lot of fun. Like Sapphire in Almost Famous said "To truly love some silly little piece of music, or some band, so much that it hurts." While NKOTB was in no way about loving the music, I was still very much in love. Love as a 12-year-old girl understands it.

Now that I've listened to Summertime about 100 times in the last week, I think the new song Summertime is brilliant. Not musically brilliant, but totally market savvy. NKOTB know that their fans have grown up. Many of them married with kids in their early 30s, working hard, lots of responsibility and lots of reality. Putting out a song teeming with nostalgia, set in the most carefree season of the year is very clever.

I know it appeals to me that way. There's a bit of horror in my heart as I've now joined that demographic that can be appealed to through nostalgia, but I'll forgive it. And not to suggest that I long for a different time in my life, cause life keeps getting better as I get older and there's no way I'd go back to adolescence, even if you paid me. But something about the song makes me feel like an ex-boyfriend from way, way back in the day got in touch to say "We weren't meant to be, but it was a great moment in my life." It was summer; it was carefree; it was all about fun.

So to the lads I once adored from Beantown; right back at you, boys! It was a good time and I commend you on coming back in a way that makes it a pleasure to reflect on the past without tainting those oh so precious memories. While thinking of those days doesn't make me crazy per say, it does give me an embarrassingly large smile.

HRH

It's not Hockey Night In Canada without the theme song

The Globe & Mail reported today that the CBC has not renewed the license agreement for the use of the "Hockey Night In Canada" theme and are investigating other options for the show.

Now either this is an evil marketing scheme by the CBC to threaten a beloved national icon, get us all riled up and upset and then look like a hero when they capitulate and renew the license or someone has decided it's time to reband, rebuild and regrow the CBC and they've decided to start by changing one of the few things they have working for them. Either way there is someone epically stupid in charge at the CBC.

I didn't grow up with hockey. I had more of a football/basketball/Formula 1 kind upbringing, but I knew the "Hockey Night in Canada" theme song and I loved it. I didn't even know why. I used to play double bass with the youth orchestra and local symphony and when we would visit area schools to do some music education, we'd play the "Hockey Night In Canada" theme. The kids would go crazy. They loved it.

Now that M has gotten me into the practice of actually watching the sport, I like the theme song even more. I won't let him change the channel during the theme song (I also won't let him change the channel during O Canada) as hearing it makes me think about how my grandparents watched "Hockey Night In Canada" every Saturday (in fact the only reason they even got a TV was to watch Leafs games).

There's a part of me that thinks, that since the song was introduced in 1968 that this may be a desperate and superstitous ploy by MLSE to break the Stanley Cup curse. Is it a coincidence that the Leafs haven't won the cup since the "Hockey Night In Canada" theme was written? And I hope this isn't a tactic of the owner of the song trying to play the public to get the CBC to sort out her legal issues with them, though I suspect that it is.

I hope they wise up and don't change it. I'm not saying it's going to stop me from watching hockey, but it's going to diminsh my experience and that's not what entertainment should do.

Update: For anyone out there like me who looks forward to hearing "Hello Canada and hockey fans in the United States and Newfoundland"* lead into the HNIC theme on a cold winter Saturday, the venerable Graeme has started a petition on his blog. Go sign up now. I don't care if you're eating your lunch. Do it!

HRH

*starts at 1:45 in the video

Canned Heat in my Teeth

Gah! What happened? Where did the time go? So sorry. I take my eyes off the clock for a moment and more than half a month goes by without a blog post. And with so much going on! Bad blogger indeed.

Before I catch up on all the things I've been to busy to say, I must tell the world about the wonderful belated Christmas present I got from John and Timmi. Yes it came exactly five months after Christmas, but it was a true holiday delight.

What was it? A toothbrush that plays one of my favourite songs. Yes, a musical toothbrush. Sadly it came linked to a Napoleon Dynamite tie in, and we all know how I feel about that link. Still, it is a fantastic gift.



I find it particularly amusing that it gets louder as I press harder against my teeth. Also, as I find it basically impossible to stay still when Canned Heat comes on, toothbrushing time has gotten a smidge messier.

HRH

Update: I changed the title of this post from "Everything and Nothing" to "Canned Heat in my Teeth" at the suggestion of my beloved spouse, proving again why he writes headlines for a living.

Cheekbones and depth. Some girls have it all.

I found this on Soapy's blog and have been listening to it for well over a month. I thought it would be wise to share and have something happy to talk about. Cause that's always nice.



HRH

Persona

Some people thrive on the spotlight and it's amazing to see them just turn it on. it goes beyond introvert and extrovert. I know incredibly shy people who become entirely different creatures the moment they hit the stage. There are also people who are always on. I am neither of those people. I am pretty much always me, all the time. This is why I am not an artist (I mean, there's also the talent and dedication thing, which I have a smattering of, but not enough to make it a career). There is nothing for me to turn on, as I have no switch.

Throughout my life I've had opportunities to perform. It's been a long time since I've been on a stage, but for awhile there, it was a pretty normal place for me to be. Of course, 95 per cent of my stage time was logged playing double bass, comfortably nestled within an orchestra of 80. I stopped playing the piano just as I was moving into the part of life when I was becoming really self-conscious. There is evidence of me performing alone, but I was too young to really get it.

There was one foray into acting, which I was told I was good at, but that was only because I was personally attached to the narrative, so it was more like retelling than pretending. Singing in a choir is fine. Singing on my own, anywhere other than the car or a karaoke bar can be a vomit-inducing experience and an unintentional, terror-driven vibrato. I've done it and survived, and in my mind, I'd love to do it, yet do I ever? No.

Dancing has always been in groups. And while I've never been particularly good at it, it's always brought me out of my shell more than anything else. And that's not particularly far. Even now, where I'm just taking classes at a gym, with no possibility of anyone outside of my classmates seeing me dance, I've taken to dabbling in a pre-class drink, just to chill me out. Dancing in clubs doesn't even count as it was always part of crowd in the dark. I hate to admit that I fall into the category of that "dance like no one is watching" life affirmation phrase, but I am compelled to admit that it would be nice if I could do that.

I mentioned this to a colleague who is a Belly Dancer and she suggested that I create a performing persona so that I don't have to have a drink before I go to dance class. She recently did that and it really freed her.

So I'm trying to craft a persona. One I can put on when I'm out in a club or in classes when I'm taking things way too seriously. For when people are watching. For fun. Really, it's why I play music or move. Maybe if I have a performer-like identity I can show people the fun that I have in my head. Oh the joys of a rich inner world.

It's not that I'm unhappy with who I am and what it is to be me. It's just that sometimes, who I am is tremendously practical, kind of shy and prone to caring too much about what people think. There have been times in my life where I've been uninhibited. As uninhibited as I get. And I think the persona should come from there.

I think she will wear more hats that I do.

HRH

Overhead while listening to "Get Buck In Here" by DJ Felli Fel

Chelsea: You know, this song really makes me wonder who Buck is and why he's so important to this party.
Tash: They sure are making a fuss about him.
Tash: You do know that by Buck, they mean buck naked right?
Chelsea: OH. MY. GOD.
Tash: I thought you were being all funny and facetious about there being an actual person named Buck.
Chelsea: No! I actually thought it was about a guy named Buck.
Tash: Yeah, no. I'm pretty sure they mean buck naked.
Chelsea: It does make sense considering all the other lyrics. But if you listen to it, assuming it's normal English, "Get Buck in here" would mean getting a person, named Buck, in here.
Tash: You should not make any assumptions about normal English when you're listening to hip-hop.

HRH

Must be whats best for me

Been really busy being social and more of that is to come. Still not sure about the hair yet. Not hating it, not loving it. Feeling rather beige about it all.

What I am loving is a band called Dragonette. M put me on to them last week. He always ends up finding the music I love the most. It's uncanny. Dragonette is Chelsea music for the days when I'm feeling bubbly. Dark, yet poppy. I Am X is for the days when I'm feeling dark and just dark.

It's all good music to listen to when you're wearing boots.

HRH

Drving it all home

There are so many reasons why going home to Kingston for the weekend is wonderful. Time with my parents, three days in kitty paradise for Zeus, birdwatching/feeding for M, my father's 52' plasma TV, Bubba's poutine for me, Wok In for M, boat trips, shopping tips, plane rides, my mother making me egg salad sandwiches, the comfort of being in the house I was raised in... many, many good things.

One of the things I used to do a lot back home was drive. I drive every day in Toronto, but it's really different driving. A lot more stressful. Kingston driving, it's roads, turns and lights I know like the back of my hand. In high school, being the DD, I would often take off for drives during parties that had become too stupid for me to bear and return in time to drive people home. Driving in and around town listening to music is growing up in a small town to me.

This past weekend my father was kind enough to let me drive his new Infinity G35X when I went out on my own for a shopping trip while M napped. It is a truly excellent car. The weather was warm, the streets were largely clear so I may have taken a few extra turns on my way there and back.

Timbaland's "Apologize" was on XM radio and I had one of those moments. The air was warm and clear, the sun starting to slip behind the trees, wind blowing in my hair, the car effortlessly carrying me down the road and around corners and, most importantly, a song that was helping me work through some of the issues I'd left behind in Toronto. I had a Zen moment. I usually only have them when I'm driving or walking. Only when I'm moving and always with music. Everything in my head clicks into place and I get it. It's not always the answer I'm hoping for, but I get it. And sometimes that's most of the battle for me.

This time it helped me get centred, since things have felt off kilter for the last month. I got home to my husband, my parents and my cat feeling a bit more restored, thankful and closer to being at peace. Remembering who you are and being with the ones you love, I daresay that's what going home is all about.

Today's sing-a-long song: "Apologize" by Timbaland featuring One Republic

HRH

Completely age appropriate

As heard while we listened to Lip Gloss" by Lil' Mama on the drive into work today:

M: What are we listening to?
C: Lip Gloss by Lil Mama. It's rather popular with the youngins.
M: You're musically regressing.
C: No. This song was meant for me. It's all about how awesome her lip gloss makes her and about how it's totally worth going for the premium brands.
M: It sounds like a song about highschool.
C: No, honey. It's a song about lip gloss. High school just happens to be the most appropriate setting.
M: Uh huh.

HRH

Outstanding indeed

From this year's Emmy nominations

Outstanding Original Music And Lyrics

Family Guy • Peter's Two Dads • Fox • Fuzzy Door Productions in association with Fox TV Animation
Walter Murphy, Music
Danny Smith, Lyrics

MADtv • 1209 • Fox • Girl Group Co.
Bruce McCoy, Lyricist
Greg O'Connor, Music Composer
Jim Wise, Composer/Lyricist

Saturday Night Live • Host: Justin Timberlake - Song title: "Dick In A Box" • NBC • SNL Studios in association with NBC Studios and Broadway Video
Katreese Barnes, Music By
Andy Samberg, Lyrics By
Akiva Schaffer, Lyrics By
Jorma Taccone, Music & Lyrics By
Asa Taccone, Music By
Justin Timberlake, Music & Lyrics By

Scrubs • My Musical: Song Title: "Everyting Comes Down to Poo" • NBC • ABC Studios
Debra Fordham, Lyrics by
Robert Lopez, Lyrics by, Music by
Jeff Marx, Lyrics by, Music by

Scrubs • My Musical - Song Title: "Guy Love" • NBC • ABC Studios
Paul F, Lyrics by, Music by
Debra Fordham, Lyrics by

As much as I adored "Guy Love", I'm really cheering for DIAB. Oh I SO hope it wins.

Today's sing-a-long song: That should be obvious.

HRH

Back to Bass-ics

Last night, after more than a month of repairs, I picked up my beloved double bass, Dee, from the shop. That's correct, my double bass has a name and if you're really clever you'll know that it's named after a basketball player. It's back in playing order with a new bridge, new strings and a wonderful new end pin. I even got a new case for it, as I'd been using the same case it came in 17 years ago.

It may have been folly to attempt 30 minutes of practice after a seven year hiatus from the instrument, especially since I did not one, but two classes at the gym today, but I couldn't help myself. My double bass has been such a source of joy for me and to have it back in working order, it's just so good.

Yes, I suck at it right now, but there's a lot of muscle memory there. My plan is to work my way beyond the level of skill I had back in 2000, cause I've always believed that I had the potential to be a much better bass player than I was but there were boys and parties and a myriad of excuses not to practice. So I'm going to work my way through my technique book and apply the practice principles Mrs. Wood taught me back in the day when I kind of kicked ass at the piano. Five times perfectly with no stop-prepares. This will come as a life-threatening shock to my mother, but I may even purchase a metronome.

It's going to take time and it's going to hurt. I can already feel the fine muscles in my left hand aching from being in position again and I'm going to have to get my callouses back, but it's all so worth it.

Picking it up, I even got to have a "Yes I do play the double bass" moment when I left the store. There's a particular look of wonder and/or bewilderment people get when the see me carrying my double bass around. I guess the juxtaposition of someone like me playing or even carrying something like a double bass turns heads. And I'll be honest with you, I totally enjoy that.

Today's play-along-song: "L'Elephant" by Saint-Saens*

HRH

*I was totally going to walk down the aisle to this song, but figured that one day telling my grandchildren that the processional for my wedding was "Clair de Lune" (Moonlight) by Debussy would endure better than The Elephant. Especially if I get really fat one day. Also "Clair de Lune" means a great deal to M and I, so sorry Saint-Saens.

Pause

If life would just hold on for, like, two seconds I could tell the world about it. You'd think that life would see the inherent value in this and slow the heck down, but that's life for you. Barreling on without thinking it through.

Things remain very busy, though thanks to a weekend at Gary's cottage, I am better equipped to deal with strange ways of the world. My liver's a touch tender and I'm playing a lot of Amy Winehouse on my ipod as that's what the tender-livered listen to. On Monday night, when we stayed over at my parents house, breaking up our drive back from the nation's capital, I passed out. Clear passed out in bed at 9 p.m. I haven't slept that hard in recent memory.

So I'm rested. And I've been to a cooking class with M, Mike and Dawn and got a snazzy new hairdryer that makes my hair even that much more awesome. Like you even thought that was possible. ;)

Work is just too insane for mere words, but I've decided to balance the intensity of work with intensity in life. Whatever speed life wants to come at me, I'm ready.

Today's sing-a-long song: "I'm no good" by Amy Winehouse

HRH

A positive effect on your psyche

Could 80s music be aural Prozac?

I've been listening to this Internet radio station (http://www.977music.com/, The 80s channel) for about two weeks now and it has had a marked effect on my mental state of being. Whether it's happy memories of my childhood coming back with the old songs or the overblown naivety of the 80s and the music it produced, while I'm listening to this station I'm all smiles and chair dancing.

It got me thinking, does the type of music you listen to can effect your moods or is it an expression of the mood that you're in? I know that if I was depressed, listening to happy-go-lucky 80s music might make me want to throw something, but when I'm feeling generally okay about the world, can music start sending me up or or start dragging me down?

I guess my real question is, was I depressed to start with or did Nine Inch Nails make me that way?

Today's sing-a-long song: "Music" by Madonna

HRH

Bass solo!

One of the great things about my school years was my constant involvement in music. From my first days in school in a choir to the university orchestra it was always something I was involved in and a wholly positive force in my life. Moving overseas meant that my musical life would have to go on hiatus as it's really expensive moving a double bass across an ocean. The school where I taught English had a piano in the teacher's lounge, but I had't been good at the piano for a decade at the time I was there.

I moved home almost four years ago, so one would think that I would have jumped right back into the music world upon my return. I didn't. And that was a mistake. But I took steps to rectify that error today.

M wanted to go to Long and McQuade today to take advantage of their free guitar string set up thingy today. Apparently you take in your guitar, but new strings and they set them up for you for free. Very nice. My mother has been on my every time I start grousing about missing music to take my double bass in and find out how much it will cost to get it back into playing shape. So I did that today. I don't yet know how much it will cost to replace the bridge (this was the second bridge that I've killed in my 19 year double bass career), fix the end pin, check that the sound post is still in a good way and replace the evil high tension strings that killed two bridges and my end pin, but the important thing is that I'm taking the right steps.

I had a nice little flashback to my younger days when a whole bunch of people offered to carry my double bass up the stairs to the classical insutrument store and I said "No thanks. I can do it. You have to be able to carry it to be able to play it." Once I made it to the top (walking up backwards is the easiest way) a female staff member said to me "It's so awesome to see a woman who can really carry her double bass." To which I wanted to say "You should see me play it." but it's been seven years since I've played it for real, so I just smiled.

While I was in there I found out that there are some orchestras in and around the GTA looking for double bass players and was told by the staff that once my double bass is repaired that I should get my chops up to snuff and audition. Which I totally am going to do. I don't really care how far I have to travel to play or how much I have to practice. I just want to get back into it.

Further to that end M and I also started looking at keyboards. Maybe if we both have favourable reviews this year it might be something to invest in. Or if anyone happens to find a spare grand lying around just let me know. ;)

We're both musically inclined, but since music isn't part of our current careers, we're out of touch. There are some pretty good keyboards out there that have a decent kay action and you can plug your ibook right into them and get your garage band on. That's something that's totally insane to me, since my concept of performing or creating music is strictly acoustic and analog.

M isn't tied to all of that since he plays electric bass. Since I've known him he's been lusting after a particular electric bass: The Gibson Thunderbird. If you follow the link you'll see that it's the bass that Nikki Sixx plays. If I were a Motely Crue fan that might mean more to me. All I know is that it's very pretty and it has a beautiful deep tone to it. As the salesman at the store said "It has a really dark sound" to which M said "yeah, that works for me."

So after years and years of him pointing this bass out to me in music videos and talking about this bass that he wants, the stars aligned. M took in his current 5-string bass, sold it, did some wheeling and dealing and got the Epiphone version of the Gibson bass. If you're so inclined you can learn about the types of Thunderbird bass guitar on Wikipedia. All I know if that he's a very happy man now.

And I, hopefully, will get my double bass back and be a very happy woman too.

Today's sing-a-long song: "Double Bass" by Gorillaz

HRH

All the boys get lonely after you leave

Mike has been all obsessed with The Fratellis of late. And really it's with good reason. Their stuff is certifiably catchy and even more so now that one of their singles, Chelsea Dagger, is on the "Run Fatboy Run" trailer and has been lovingly co-opted by football fans across Europe to sing when good things happen.

When Mike was trying to sell me on the band, he pointed out the name of this single and told me I would like it. And like it I did. Though I did learn that the song is about a woman named Heather (Chelsea is her stage name), it's still a marked improvement on all the other songs about Chelsea. Like "Chelsea Morning", "I don't want to got back to Chelsea" or my much loathed "Midnight in..."

Think seriously before you name your children after cities. (I'm just teasing Mum!)

Today's sing-a-long song: "Chelsea Dagger" By The Fratellis

HRH

Pushing my luck

It seems I'm doing that fixating thing again. This time it's the new Rihanna song "Umbrella." I hadn't noticed that I've been listening to it non-stop until the video came on TV and M said we'd heard way too much of that song in the last four days and changed the channel. I couldn't bring myself to protest as it would require admitting that I wanted to watch the video to admire Rihanna's new hipster haircut.

Other than overplaying a new song, the long weekend was very full. WE had a lovely dinner with Graeme and Elisabeth on Friday (check out Graeme's blog as it is brimming with nifty) and learned that there are few people in the world who can actually eat a steak almost the size of their own head. I planted my patio garden on Saturday with Gerber Daisies, Dahlias, Wave Petunias and peppers galore. I am pretty much ready train Zeus to kill squirrels now as all the bird feeder traffic is making the containers all to tempting. I also made a screen for the kitchen window and we had the gang over for some lamb goodness.

Saturday was extra fun when M mistook his finger for an onion resulting in some extreme makeover: finger edition. He just took a little off the top of his left index finger, and it's healing nicely, but it was still kind of freaky. I'm not allowed to talk about what the removed bit of fingertip looks like cause it makes people queasy. I can only say I found it fascinating and maybe I should stop watching CSI.

Sunday was far less dramatic. I worked out at my new gym (lovely treadmills) and finally made it to see Hot Fuzz and laughed myself silly. Excellently good times.

Today was more sedate. Laundry, bird watching (I saw an Indigo Bunting and caught a glimpse of a Baltimore Oriole... and holy crap when did I start to find this stuff interesting?) and naps. Many naps. I'm capping off the holiday weekend with the 24 and Heroes finales tonight.

The only thing that would make this weekend more perfect would be if it was somehow extended for just another day, oh and if M had that little bit of his fingertip back.

Today's sing-a-long song: "Umbrella" by Rihanna & Jay Z

HRH

When the soundtrack of life gets serious

In order to tell this story I have to admit to something awfully nerdy. I don't imagine that it will come as a shock to anyone, but I listen to movie scores on my ipod quite a lot. The Star Wars movie scores in particular. Stunning revelation, no. Appallingly geeky, oh my yes.

So this morning I had to stop by my bank to make a transfer between accounts that I had forgotten to do, and thereby make the clearing of some bills, well, a lot more clearable. I usually do this kind of thing from my computer, but I was no where near one when I remembered that I'd forgotten. I'd also forgot to put on my wedding rings today, so you can tell that the level of focus I have today is darn near spectacular.

I get to the bank machine and start my transaction, my ipod on, listening to the soundtrack from The Revenge of the Sith, the track Padme's Ruminations in particular. I start my transaction, prepare to transfer money from one account to another and I get the message that my PIN is invalid. The music coming through my headphones turned seriously dark and dramatic as the error message appeared and the track changed to Anakin's Dark Deeds. I had a double "What the hell moment" as I was confused by the error and also a little taken aback by how well the moment of confusion had been scored by my ipod.

Turns out I had simply mistyped my PIN, but having the sound of a choir and orchestra at full volume every time I make a mistake might make the act of making mistakes more amusing than annoying.

HRH

Air Guitar Nation

I come to charge you with some tasks. First watch the trailer for this movie: Air Guitar Nation. M and I were guests of Maple pictures this evening for one of the first screenings of this documentary in Canada.

If you love rock music, heck even if you don't love rock music and you have at least one funny bone in your body you HAVE to see this movie. I believe it goes into wide release in Canada on March 22. Until it is out again to be seen, I will be biding my time listening to endless guitar solos and possible attending the Canadian Air Guitar championships next Thursday at El Mocambo. Freaking awesome.

*throws up the horns*

Today's sing-a-long song: "Jukebox Hero" by Foreigner

HRH

Very Victoria

When M and I were in Italy and we had collapsed in our hotel rooms for the evening, we would watch at LOT of MTV Italia. We're video junkies and our Italian being as pitiful as it was, MTV was one of the stations we could kind of comprehend.

Every night at 9 there was this show on called Very Victoria where this very cute Italian woman named Victoria Cabello, who has a most-awesome Wiki entry, would interview Italian celebrities. There would also be the requisite silly gags and risque segments involving people in their underwear that you can only see on TV in Europe or maybe also in Quebec.

Anyway, she was cute and well dressed. Her set looked like it had jumped out of Moulin Rouge and she was a very un-bimbo like TV presenter. A complete and total rarity of modern Europe.

We watched a lot of this show, even though we had NO idea what was going on. I was always mesmerized by the opening dance sequence. First because of the clothes and shoes and second because of the charmingly bad dancing. Every time I see it I am tempted to change the shape of my bangs.



Today's sing-a-long song: "Ruby Blue" by Roisin Murphy

HRH

Sclemeel, schlemazel, hasenfeffer incorporated.

I am currently making my way through my itunes library in preparation for M's birthday party tomorrow night. A faux pas has generated a puninishment that involves me having to perform "Ice Ice Baby" in a karaoke bar. It will be gruesome, but I will pay my fine for being thoughtless. I guess it's better punishment than having to shovel rocks.

Anyway, as I look over all the songs I like to think that I can sing (I cannot), I am listening to a truly wonderful CD lent to me by my colleague Jenn. A CD with 65 theme songs from television shows from the 70s and 80s.

Now I don't want to suggest that my parents didn't raise me with anything but the most care and attention, but the fact that I know almost all of these theme songs by heart and can remember a lot of the plot lines from the shows does make me wonder if I wasn't, at least slightly, raised by television. (It astounds me that the theme song from "Taxi" still totally annoys me. I never got that show at ALL.)

Really I shouldn't be singing the theme song from "WKRP in Cincinnati" with this much vigour. And have I become so starved for nostalgia that the "Miami Vice" theme song actually sounds good again?

Today's sing-a-long song: "Believe it or not (The Greatest American Hero)" by John Scarbury

HRH

Glamour and Glitter, Fashion and Fame

In the line up at Starbucks a colleague of mine confessed that she'd be spending a lot of time on YouTube recently, watching episodes of Jem. My reaction to this was delight in knowing that I could see the cartoon that shaped my girly psyche (for better or worse) and also dismay that I could see the cartoon that shaped my girly psyche (for better or worse).

Like most girls of my time I LOVED Jem. Loved the hell out of it. Whenever I was asked what I wanted to be when I grew up, the answer was almost 100 per cent of the time "singer." Who ever thought up the show was a frickin' genius. I'm sure my entire family was scarred for life by my repeated (aka perpetual) listenings to the tapes that came with Jem dolls.

After a conversation with Tash (one who totally surpasses me in diehard Jem fandom) today, I decided to have a look at the shows. Would they live up to what they are in my memories? The plots themselves are terrible, the animation dated, but one thing continued to strike a cord with me; the Jem music videos.

They were each about a minute and a half long, silly as all get out but completely awesome. I managed to find my favourite one, from the episode "Stiches" where Jem and the band are trying to inspire their drummer Shana (also their clothing designer) to create something amazing. The result The Mood I'm in:



Oh it makes me want to dye my hair pink. Bless you YouTube.

Update: It would be unfair if I didn't unclude my favourite Misfits song as well, We're off and runnin'.

Today's sing-a-long song: "The Jem Theme Song" by Jem and The Holograms.

HRH

What Kari's would have been husband is up to

Just cause you're having house issues K, I'm feel compelled to direct you to White & Nerdy. Only Al can make a sucky song not suck.

HRH

Alas for Toby

Another season of Rockstar has finished. I was honestly rooting for Toby by the end of it. I thought he might actually fit or at least be something I'd be interested in watching if he were the lead singer of Supernova. But with Lukas winning, I can whole-heartedly push the "super group" aside and pay them no mind.

I'm not really a fan of the band. With Rockstar: INXS, I actually liked INXS back in the day. Liked them quite a lot, so I had an interest in how the band found it's new frontman. But I've never really been into Motley Crue, Metallica or Guns & Roses beyond the songs you might hear on the radio. And when Supernova would play their originals, I was bored. They paled in comparison with the covers, whereas I actually bought "Pretty Vegas" on itunes I found it so catchy.

So there came a point in the show where I realized that I wasn't actually cheering for the contestants to become the frontman of the band, but hoping that they could get heaps of exposure and then be freed to make their own music. Case in point Ryan and Storm. I really liked them as performers, but I didn't want to see them stuck playing with a bunch of old men, so I was almost happy for them when they were sent away.

Toby I found interesting, kind of like how I found Daniel Feldspar: The Stereotypically Australian Dragon interesting. Toby was a whole lot of fun and I think he would have been entertaining live. He didn't take himself super seriously, while a lot of the people on the show were so into themselves and neurotic that it made me want to slap the television. Once he was eliminated this evening, I went back to doing the laundry.

I suppose it's interesting in a "hey patterns are neat" kind of way that both of the Rockstar winners have been Canadians and that's about where the interesting ends.

Today's sing-a-long song: "Sour Times" by Portishead

HRH

Seating for the elderly

Last night my favourite band in all the world made it's way through Toronto. Tragically, Muse had signed on to play at The Docks. For those who do not know, it's the Toronto venue/club that recently had its liquor licence revoked due to noise complaints and is also known for being the most terrible rock venue known to mankind. It's a long, skinny building that, I swear, slopes uphill towards the stage.

This configuration makes it really easy fort things to get claustrophobic really quickly. I've noticed that as I've gotten older my already low tolerance for being touched, grazed or jostled by strangers at rock shows has basically faded into nothingness. I have no patience for it and it's something that slowly drives me insane over the course of the evening. I know I shouldn't let it bother me, but it ultimately ends up ruining any concert experience I'm trying to enjoy.

Like last night, there was this one kid beside me wearing possibly the cheapest polo shirt I have ever encountered. The fabric of this thing was like a brillo pad? How do I know this? Because he was wedged right up against me and was constantly in contact with my arm. He was also perpetually in motion. Even though the show hadn't started, he was moving. I had no personal space and any time someone tried to push their way up to the front, I was knocked completely off balance and had to cling to M just to stay upright. It was hot, cramped, I appeared to be surrounded by people who were all at least 6'3" and I was being chaffed by a hyperactive teen wearing a shirt made of burlap.

And I paid for this experience?

M and I had to get out of there, so we set a meeting place to find Chris and Tash at the end of the show and starting pushing our way back to find some kind of free space in the building. And where did we find it? By the bar. Sure, the band was really, really far away and the sound was sadly distorted, but I could hear and mostly see the show and get the horrifying thoughts of the Whitesnake club fire out of my head.

Which was handy, because I needed that space in my head to enjoy yet another superlative Muse performance. And even though The Docks sucks donkey ass it's good that we went. "Why?" you ask? Well it seems that the next time Muse will be playing in the great city of Toronto will be during the Virgin Mobile V-Cast Festival on Toronto Island. It's a two day festival featuring bands like Zero 7, Gnarls Barkley and one of my top-five-and-I've-never-seen-them-live bands, Massive Attack. So it's a two day show that I would be pretty keen on attending. Another Muse show outdoors and finally seeing Massive Attack. Oh, but when is the show? September 9? Oh, that's funny. Really funny.

Ahh well, I can only assume that if Muse is in town on my wedding day that I can expect an acoustic set at the reception.

Today's sing-a-long song: "Far Away" by Muse

HRH

Weird and wonderful weekend

When it all started on Friday I thought it was going to be a simple, pedestrian, rainy weekend, but my activity level, ranging from the amazing sample wedding dinner on Friday night to the 3 a.m. kareoke on Saturday, indicate otherwise.

And from all of this I have three conclusions:

1) The food at the wedding is going to be plentiful and yummy.
2) A lot of people watch the news.
3) I completely rocked Against All Odds.

HRH

A shameless co-opt

I have to get this off my mind. Every time I see the latest Rickard's Red commercial I feel a level of contempt and horror I haven't felt since the Dairy Producers of Canada slaughtered Beethoven's ninth to get people excited about milk. I know it's all perfectly legal, but every fiber in my being rails against this commercial for how wrong it is. I wish I could find a version of it online so you could see it. It was bad enough when they used Carl Orff's O Fortuna Carmina Burana, to sing about how wonderful their beer is, but now, now they have gone too far for me to be silent.

Pause for a moment and listen to this. This is the Dies Irae from Mozart's Requiem in D minor, one of the the more famous sequences in the Mass for the Dead. The requiem is considered by many to be Mozart's superlative work, which is quite a thing to say as very little of what he created was less than gorgeous.

Even though I am not a believer, the requiem is one of my favourite pieces of art. A requiem is a prayer for the salvation of the souls of the dead, commonly used at funerals and memorials. So those who are using it to pray for the souls of their departed loved ones may have a different kind of connection to it. Me, I think it's exceptionally beautiful and emotive and as such I hold in very high regard.

Now I don't want to say that art and advertising can't intermingle. They can, but it has to be done right. Ads can be art and sometimes art can be co-opted in a tasteful manner to sell something, even exposing people to music they'd never heard before and exposing an artist to an entirely new audience. I think that can be amazing when it works. Rickard's Red does not have the right product or the right brand status to be co-opting the Mozart's Mass for the Dead. I couldn't give you an example of who does because it would have to be the most valuable, beautiful and amazing thing ever made.

Personally I feel that the art co-opted should reflect the quality of the brand that chooses it and it should never sully the original in the process. Art should be used to enhance, not to defame.

When they change the lyrics of the Dies Irae from the original Latin to the basic descriptions of beer that could have been written by a seven-year-old, for me it's the equivalent of breaking into my home and painting over my print of Nuit Etoilee to make it look like Dogs Playing Poker.

And it's too bad, because there are elements of the commercial that are pretty amusing. The storm, the wind and the rain engulfing the bar, meshing with the drama of the music and the looks on the faces of all the actors. There's something good there that was executed the wrong way.

Every time I see it, the music snob that I am dies a little on the inside. Kind of like the time when I was working at the music store and a woman came in demanding the "Drink milk, love life" song. Which is a co-opting of the Ode to Joy from the 4th movement of Beethoven's 9th Symphony. Usually when people came in looking for the song I would point them to Beethoven and send them merrily on their way. But this woman wanted the actual "Drink milk, love life" jingle! OH. MY. GOD.

I understand why advertisers choose classical music. People recognize the melodies, the music isn't copyrighted so it's free to use and in many cases, it's amazing music that really connects with people. But it a sad, sad day for culture and art when it's not done right. Boo to you Rickard's Red and your parent brewery Molson. Nothing goes unpunished.

HRH

Wound up

I've been truant. I'm sorry. Work has been chewing me up and spitting me out and not leaving much in the way of personal insight or observation.

Wedding planning continues, and at times, it is exactly the mental reprieve I need. We've got pretty much all the ducks in a row now and it's on to the fun stuff. We're now in the "four to six months" ahead part of planning. Which according to "The Martha" this is when we: Reserve rental equipment (done), arrange wedding day transportation (easily done as it's all happening at one venue), order stationary/invitations (in progress as we're designing it ourselves), reserve accommodations (done), purchase groom's attire, choose attendant's attire (ready for sea-foam green girls? ;-)), register, purchase wedding rings, sign up for dance lessons (weeee!).

So there's a good amount of time to get all that completed. In the mean time, M and I have been trying to figure out the music I'm going to walk in to. We're music people and the music is one of the few details that are really important to me.

I'd had this idea of the song that I was going to use for ages. It was just this thing I knew, but in revisiting it, actually thinking about it in the context of getting married and playing it for M, I've cooled on it. So I'm back at square one, which is both good and bad. It's bad in that a detail I thought I had totally sorted out I now don't (ack!). It's good in that I have an opportunity to scour through all the music that's meaningful to me and it gives M and I a chance to do something we always love to do; talk about music.

Plus, music soothes the savage beast so doing this and continuing to work out is keeping me from going bonkers from work stress. Yay for that.

Today's sing-a-long song: "Music gets the best of me" by Sophie Ellis Bextor

HRH

On second thought

I was going to do a post about my favourites on American Idol this year (Girls: Katharine McPhee, Paris Bennett, Kellie Pickler and Lisa Tucker; Boys: Taylor Hicks, Elliot Yamin, Chris Daughtry, Ace Young), but then I remembered that I'm NOT getting sucked into it again this year. Remember!? Sigh. I try to resist you, American Idol, yet you keep on sucking me back in like a bad relationship that just won't end.

I'm not watching it. Nope... not at all.

Today's sing-a-long song: "X-Factor" by Lauryn Hill

HRH

The insomnia of Chelsea produces monsters

I had a really good sleep a few weeks back. Like one of those sleeps that the people in mattress commercials pretend they're having. The kind of sleep that Dagny Taggart always seemed to have. It was spectacular. However it seems that I experienced that blissful sleep at a price. That price being that I've slept about three to four hours a night for the past two weeks.

I'm a creature that does not function well without a good amount of sleep. At least seven to eight hours a night. For the last two weeks it's just been getting worse and worse and I can't figure out what's keeping me awake. I'm quite happy, my friends and family are happy and healthy, work is no more stressful than usual, I exercise at least three times a week, I eat healthily... I just don't get it. Things are really good, so why am I not sleeping?

I'm not hallucinating yet, but things are starting to develop a bit of a haze around them. M has suggested that when I sleep I'm not actually sleeping, but I have a split personality that is secretly flying across the country starting makeup clubs. I guess it's when women secretly take their femininity back? ("Her name was Elizabeth Arden... Her name was Elizabeth Arden...")

Anyway I don't want to resort to anything chemical to help me sleep as natural sleep is what I really need. I've tried warm drinks, I've tried playing video games, I've tried imagining a ball moving slowly around an infinity symbol, I've tried saying words like "applecake" over and over again until the word loses all meaning, I've even once tried taking a shot of Bekerovka (the result was me passed out, not sleeping). No change. I can be barely awake at 9:30, but the moment I'm in bed I'm wide awake and staring at the clock for hours on end.

So tonight I'm down to the bottom of the barrel for non-chemical sleep aids. Even though I'm exhausted, I ran a little harder than usual on the treadmill today and I had some rice with dinner in the hope that fatigue and carbs will combine to create a coma. I'm also going to try to meditate, even though I have no idea how it's done. Apparently you have to try and concentrate on something and just one thing for 30 minutes. I don't think I've ever been able to do that, let alone actually sit still for 30 minutes. When I told M about this he asks if I was turning into a hippie and then offered to put on a Yanni CD for me. I didn't think we even owned Yanni CD. God I hope we don't.

If all that doesn't work, I may haul out my old organic chemistry textbook or one of my Czech workbooks, because they used to put me out like a light. My last resort will be fetching a musical toy I had as a child, an orange owl, that played a soothing lullaby. The music would slow down as the owl would run out of power. I'm sure M will love the melody.

So wish me luck and if anyone has any suggestions of how to naturally fall asleep or if someone has the magic guide to actually getting your brain to stop, let me know. Please, please, please let me know.

Today's sing-a-long song: "Calculation Theme" by Metric

HRH

Now this would have been handy

I was in an HMV last weekend, which isn't really such a blog worthy event, but what I saw there kind of was. When I started working there eleven years ago (!!) there wasn't much of a uniform. I remember being distinctly told in our orientation that the company was all about having individuals as staff and that wearing uniforms every day just wasn't going to happen.

Now companies change ownership and rebrand. These are realities. And over the five years I was employed there, by then end I was wearing a staff-shirt every day. Not without a whole lot of complaining and evoking references to the "Musictown" smock from Empire Records of course, but that was mostly because I was young and mouthy. At the end of the day, really, it was just a T-shirt.

So I was in an HMV this weekend and I was totally struck my something looking at the female staff. Sure all their staff-shirts matched, but it had gone far beyond that. All the female staff had chosen one of two looks. The first, which I think totally works in a record store, was that of "rock chick." Black straightened hair cut in the style of Joan Jett, tight jeans, a big studded belt and Converse sneakers. Oh and a hell of a lot of bracelets.

All the other girls on staff (that I could see) we identically attired in their own way. It began with the closed toe Birkenstock sandals, and then it was the same brand of black yoga pants. Yoga pants? When did HMV turn into Lululemon? When did yoga pants become a rock fashion staple? They all topped the look off with the "I worked on this messy updo for an hour" hairstyle, and with the exception of one of them, they were all blonde. I've never understood working on your hair for that long and then putting on exercise clothes and actually going out in public that way.

It was just really strange and it got me thinking about working music retail now and working music retail then.

Kids starting work at a record store must have it easier these days. The vastness and popularity of google has to make it easier to answer those really hard questions about who sang what and what inspired who. Back in the day (oh I'm dating myself here) a lot of it was simply stored in our heads and having little music factoids required a lot of love music and a love of research. Now, I'm positive that there are still certain skills needed to be a good record store employee, but it has to be so much easier these days (falling profits thanks to itunes aside).

One thing I would have love to have had then is this. A guide that maps music out for you, gives you a bit of wry writing to go with it and provides hours of entertainment. You wouldn't even have to bullshit to people about knowing where things came from, because you could really find out! Of course, this particular guide being all about electronic music makes me love it even more.

Today's sing-a-long song: "A Girl Like You" by Edwin Collins

HRH

Let's make it a trend

After watching M toil over his iTunes playlist of 20 favourite songs, I got thinking about what I would put on my list. So on the way to work today I passed the time by creating my own.

I think it would be interesting to see how this would change from season to season, or from mood swing to mood swing. I found myself cutting out songs because they were too new and hadn't really been proven past the fickly fancy phase that sees so many songs come in and out of my favour. Anyway, in no particular order.

1. "Teardrop" by Massive Attack
2. "New Born" by Muse
3. "Even Deeper" by Nine Inch Nails
4. "World In My Eyes" by Depeche Mode
5. "6 Underground" by the Sneaker Pimps
6. "Finale/End Credits" by John Williams from Star Wars V: The Empire Strikes Back
7. "Gorecki" by Lamb
8. "Let's Go Crazy" by Prince
9. "Every Breath You Take" by The Police
10. "Cigarettes And Chocolate Milk" by Rufus Wainwright
11. "Danse Macabre" by Camille De Saint Seans
12. "Always On My Mind" by the Pet Shop Boys
13. "Exit Music (For A Film)" by Radiohead
14. "Bachelorette" by Bjork
15. "Canned Heat" by Jamiroquai
16. "Stay (Faraway, So Close) by U2
17. "Violin Concerto In E Minor, Second Movement" by Felix Mendelssohn
18. "The Waitress" by Tori Amos
19. "Shake Your Rump" by The Beastie Boys
20. "Symphony No. 25 In G Minor" by W.A. Mozart

No sing-a-long song today. I've given you 20!

HRH

Wishing there was a short word to describe the Home Alone face

M just went out for the evening looking like the Czech Justin Timberlake (it's a good thing, people should wear hats more). Sadly because of an ass-kicker of a week and an exercise in sleep deprivation I am unable to join him as the Canadian and bearing-no-resemblance-to Cameron Diaz. When I get no sleep, my legs turn into jello and my eyes become rimmed with circles so dark I have all the goth girls trembling with envy. It's neither mobile or pretty, so I sent my beloved out to enjoy a festive winter's night on his own.

Being home alone affords me the opportunity to do things without embarassing myself. Not that M isn't amazingly accepting of the crazy concoction that is me, but somehow it's just easier to listen to Madonna or Kelly Clarkson CDs without feeling like I've become completely uncool.

Also, if my legs weren't a crampy useless mess, I would most likely be dancing around the house. I'm one of those people. Always have been. That girl who sings and dances in front of the mirror and shrieks in terror when someone walks in on her.

HRH

My Left Hand

This weekend I was overcome with the need to play my double bass again. There are still several elements of it that need to be fixed, but I decided to get crafty and see what I could do in the way of interim solutions. It needs a new bridge, as the old one is very warped from high-tension strings and a new endpin, another high-tension string casualty. And as I have secured a benefactor (aka Mum) I will go and get them fixed as soon as possible.

You see, my makeshift craftiness can't fix the problem I have whereby my E string isn't high enough off the fingerboard. So it rattles and buzzes, creating very un-E string like noises. Which is a shame because the E string is the BEST string on a double bass. That said, I still have 3 other strings I can play around with.

So I tuned them up today, put a ton of rosin on my bow and started playing. Oh bliss and oh joy it was nice. That warm low tone filled every cell in my body. Holding it while I played felt like the most natural thing I've ever done. It was great. It didn't sound great. Oh heavens no. There's no way you can pick up an instrument after a 5 year absence and even touch any of your former glory.

However, all was not lost. While I wasn't amazing, I still knew what I was doing and I feel fully confident that I can get it back. That is, after the searing pain in my left hand goes away. If you've ever had your hand pulled apart horizontally by the index finger and the pinky you have an idea of what I'm feeling. Apparently if you don't use certain muscles for 5 years they get a little hostile when you catapult them back into action. I honestly haven't felt pain like this in my hand since I started 18 years ago.



But I will not be deterred. I got back into running, I taught the muscles in my knees how to behave this year, so why should my hand be any different. And just like I love my time running, I can't wait to get back to playing music.

Today's play-a-long song: "L'elephant" by Saint-Seans

HRH

Can't take my eyes off of you

I ran today. Not the way I run most days. It was different. No matter what I listened to on my ipod I couldn't get "Can't Take My Eyes Off Of You" out of my head after someone put it there. And I kept thinking about that movie Conspiracy Theory and how Julia Roberts' character would run away from the photo of her dead father every night on the treadmill in her livingroom.

With every step the chorus of "I love you baby and if it's quite alright I need you baby to warm my lonely nights" spun round my head. The thing is, I wasn't running away from anything today. I was running right at an image of myself.

The treadmills at my gym face out onto patio where I can see the towers of Toronto's many hospitals and research labs. Usually I can just barely make out my silhouette in the reflection as the windows all face west. Now that daylight savings time is over, it's pitch black by the time I get out of work and for the first time I could fully see my reflection. And I just ran and ran and ran towards the reflected me. Like if I managed to have perfect running form the person and reflection would merge.

I have no idea what this means, but I do know that I'm really tired now.

Today's sing-a-long song: "Can't take my eyes off of you" the Lauyrn Hill version.

HRH