Mooning the masters of karma

I don't want to tempt fate and really ask for something terrible to happen, but this wedding stuff? It's pretty fun and really not so hard. Of course it's easy to say that it's a breeze when the day is more than six months away, but really, it's coming together really well.

HRH

On second thought

I was going to do a post about my favourites on American Idol this year (Girls: Katharine McPhee, Paris Bennett, Kellie Pickler and Lisa Tucker; Boys: Taylor Hicks, Elliot Yamin, Chris Daughtry, Ace Young), but then I remembered that I'm NOT getting sucked into it again this year. Remember!? Sigh. I try to resist you, American Idol, yet you keep on sucking me back in like a bad relationship that just won't end.

I'm not watching it. Nope... not at all.

Today's sing-a-long song: "X-Factor" by Lauryn Hill

HRH

I am Sisyphus and doing the laundry is my rock

In which our heroine comes up from Olympics watching for a breath of air, gets "the dress", ponders if her insomnia is actually an existential crisis and wonders if it was having to dry socks that made Camus and Satre so jaded...

Okay, does anyone else get choked up when they watch an athlete who's won gold singing along to their national anthem or am I one step away from becoming a Hallmark-loving, minivan driving, sap? Perplexing.

Anyway, a few updates while I've turned away from the three stations showing Olympic coverage...

Last Saturday my mother and I purchased my wedding dress in under 20 minutes. Of course the two weeks of pondering the options didn't hurt my decision abilities one bit. We got out of the bridal salon just as a total princess bride (and I mean that in the pejorative way) walked in. You have to wonder who exactly agrees to marry people like that. But I digress. Pretty dress procured. Everything is proceeding as I have foreseen.

I'm still not sleeping anywhere close to enough. I did sleep on Saturday after having a very long and active day. And I napped the whole way through Sunday. Hopefully that will be enough to get me through this week.

I am trying to get out of this sleeping headgame. I now turn my alarm clock away from me so I can't count the minutes and hours I'm not sleeping as they pass by. The cat waking me up an hour before my alarm goes off is not a great deal of help either, but such is the life of a cat owner.

Friends and readers have given me a lot of good suggestions and have tried most of them (save John R's suggestion of turning off my alarm clock. MADNESS I tell you!) and they've only made me more awake so far.

The problem is that I simply cannot get my brain to stop and even when I've lulled it into relative quiet, I'm shaken out of sleep by noise or a cat. And the things I think of... so random and from all the time periods of my life. Things I'd totally forgotten, embarrassing moments I'd blocked out...I try to think of pleasant serial memories and I do and then I'm off on a series of mental tangents that get my brain whirring again.

I haven't gotten my hands on any relaxation CDs yet, mostly out of consideration for M. I tried to bring the owl with me to bed one night and M found the tone and melody creepy, citing that they use that kind of music in horror movies for a reason. The reading thing just gets my mind going even more (granted I'm not reading fiction as I haven't been able to read fiction in almost two-and-a-half years). I'm about to start a book on the history of Japan. At least this bout of insomnia has been educational.

As for the anonymous poster's suggestion, that's truly an avenue to being totally awake for me. Thanks though.

Because of the way I have to spread out the pills I take during the day, any calcium I take a bed time would counteract the iron supplements I seem to constantly have to take. Not that being off iron makes me sleepy, no, just listless. Also I just don't want to take anything like a supplement to sleep. It's taken me a long time to get my pills into working and effective balance and I don't want to throw that off with herbals that, generally speaking, are poorly regulated and not in truly predictable doses, at least here in Canada.

So what's left? Drying socks. I have been doing laundry in this dryer for more than two years now and I still have not figured out the right balance of clothes to get M's socks dry in a single dryer cycle. Like having to do laundry once a week isn't annoying enough, but to have this perpetual failure! I take laundry far too seriously.

Today's sing-a-long song: "As The Days Are Long" by Tory Cassis

HRH

Technique: How to conceal a blemish

As many of you have read on my main blog, I'm continuing to have issues with my skin. Being 29 and still having to deal with acne is really, really, really annoying. However, having dealt with it for 18 some odd years, I've become pretty good at concealing the little fuckers. So good that people give me strange looks when I vent about my terrible skin. So I though that today I would share some knowledge on the thing that I do most, conceal blemishes.

Some are easier to hide than others, those being the smaller ones. And no matter how well you do it, a zit is a zit and scrutinizing eyes will be able to see it. However, only people in the fashion industry or evil people, like this one girl I went to highschool with who said that the first thing she looks for on a person's face is the acne, are really going to be looking at your face like that.

The first thing you need to do is wash your face and put on some moisturizer. If you're an oil monster like me, then something simple and oil-free like Cetaphil Moisturizing Lotion does a dandy job. You see, it's hard to let a zit just sit idly by. Odds are you've dosed it with some zit-killer and started drying the hell out of it or you've given into hate and popped it. Either way, you're dealing with flaking and drying skin and what you need for good concealing is as smooth a surface as you can muster. For this reason, moisturizer is key. As is (I know this is terrible, but it works for me) having tweezers near by to remove flakes of dead skin. No peeling off the healthy stuff that's trying to heal, that's very much not good, just the dead stuff that's not going to do anything but collect product in an unhelpful manner.

So, you're all moisturized and you've given it time to dry. I usually put on my moisturizer in the morning, go make smoothies and check my e-mail and then go back to putting on my makeup. If you're wearing foundation apply that. Work on creating a good base, you're not concerned about concealing at this point.

The foundation wearing and the abstainers alike both need to do this next step. First thing you need is a concealer brush. The MAC Concealer Brush is my personal favourite. It's absolutely key in the process. You need to be able to control how much product is going on and where. Also you don't want to be getting your oily, germy fingers all over your face.

The next thing you need is a cream concealer. I've tried all the kinds of concealer out there and liquid just doesn't cut it. Not at all. You need the weight and opacity of a creme. It's not ideal because there can be waxes in the cream that can further irritate the blemish, but you cannot beat it in terms of coverage. Get a concealer a tone or two lighter than your foundation.

Put a little bit of cream concealer like MAC Studio Finish Concealer on the end of the brush. Just a little bit. You want to start out being really sparing with product as the less you use, the better your chances of it actually being hard to see. Do a quick dab with the brush and then start blending from out from the centre. I cannot stress enough how very little product you should have on your brush. Less is just so, so much more in this situation.

The dab and blend should get you a good result, but also take care to ensure that there is some concealer below the blemish. As a blemish is raised in comparison to the rest of your skin, putting light concealer underneath it helps minimize any shadows from overhead lights.

Next, apply some powder. When I have a truly terrible breakout going on, I'll use MAC Studio Fix like a powder and apply it to the blemish. Don't forget to blend. You don't want to look like you applied more powder to just the one area. Otherwise, it's just pressed power to lock in the concealer.

Put on the rest of your makeup and if need be, dab on a last bit of concealer before you go. The tiniest of all tiny dabs. Super, super tiny.

For touch-ups during the day, I very highly recommend the Bobbi Brown Blemish Cover Stick. It's so portable and so effective.

So, that's what I do and I'm sure it's not the only way to do it as everyone has different skin and preferences, but I hope it can be useful!

HRH

Good guys, bad guys and explosions

You'll thank me later, now just watch.

Thanks to Mr. Gibson for the linky.

HRH

The insomnia of Chelsea produces monsters

I had a really good sleep a few weeks back. Like one of those sleeps that the people in mattress commercials pretend they're having. The kind of sleep that Dagny Taggart always seemed to have. It was spectacular. However it seems that I experienced that blissful sleep at a price. That price being that I've slept about three to four hours a night for the past two weeks.

I'm a creature that does not function well without a good amount of sleep. At least seven to eight hours a night. For the last two weeks it's just been getting worse and worse and I can't figure out what's keeping me awake. I'm quite happy, my friends and family are happy and healthy, work is no more stressful than usual, I exercise at least three times a week, I eat healthily... I just don't get it. Things are really good, so why am I not sleeping?

I'm not hallucinating yet, but things are starting to develop a bit of a haze around them. M has suggested that when I sleep I'm not actually sleeping, but I have a split personality that is secretly flying across the country starting makeup clubs. I guess it's when women secretly take their femininity back? ("Her name was Elizabeth Arden... Her name was Elizabeth Arden...")

Anyway I don't want to resort to anything chemical to help me sleep as natural sleep is what I really need. I've tried warm drinks, I've tried playing video games, I've tried imagining a ball moving slowly around an infinity symbol, I've tried saying words like "applecake" over and over again until the word loses all meaning, I've even once tried taking a shot of Bekerovka (the result was me passed out, not sleeping). No change. I can be barely awake at 9:30, but the moment I'm in bed I'm wide awake and staring at the clock for hours on end.

So tonight I'm down to the bottom of the barrel for non-chemical sleep aids. Even though I'm exhausted, I ran a little harder than usual on the treadmill today and I had some rice with dinner in the hope that fatigue and carbs will combine to create a coma. I'm also going to try to meditate, even though I have no idea how it's done. Apparently you have to try and concentrate on something and just one thing for 30 minutes. I don't think I've ever been able to do that, let alone actually sit still for 30 minutes. When I told M about this he asks if I was turning into a hippie and then offered to put on a Yanni CD for me. I didn't think we even owned Yanni CD. God I hope we don't.

If all that doesn't work, I may haul out my old organic chemistry textbook or one of my Czech workbooks, because they used to put me out like a light. My last resort will be fetching a musical toy I had as a child, an orange owl, that played a soothing lullaby. The music would slow down as the owl would run out of power. I'm sure M will love the melody.

So wish me luck and if anyone has any suggestions of how to naturally fall asleep or if someone has the magic guide to actually getting your brain to stop, let me know. Please, please, please let me know.

Today's sing-a-long song: "Calculation Theme" by Metric

HRH

Recent Obsessions and Fixations

I have a couple of obsessions going on, most of them healthy. The biggest of which is watching 24 on Monday nights. It's gotten so bad that I have found myself avoid social plans on Monday nights. I won't answer the phone when the show is on. It's all a little crazy, but Jack is just so awesome it's worth a little crazy.

Another thing I'm crazy about these days is ebay. I guess everyone goes through their ebay phase, but I'm still waiting for this one to end. It started last October when I was trying to get an antique pen for M for Christmas. In the process of hunting down a version of this pen I found that you could get brand new, discontinued, limited edition makeup palettes for less than you would have paid retail, if you still could. I've only purchase about three palettes through ebay so far (my auction winning skills took a little time to hone), but the whole experience of looking is getting close to as much fun as the Sephora Web site.

And aside from my usual obsessions (cleaning, being surrounded by good smells and the music of Muse) I'm entering a new obsessive phase with my highly problematic skin. Hopefully this phase will be less of me trying to tear it off my face in frustration and more like my successful dieting endeavours.

Dermatology has failed me again. In an effort to avoid going on accutane again, I was using a very simple regimen of a high-grade prescription vitamin A cream and a very mild cleanser. Sure it was easy, but the results were so much less than I find acceptable and I'm tired of wearing makeup to conceal. I want to wear it to embellish.

So I'm trying the commercial route, which is a lot more complex and currently burns with the fire of a couple of hot suns. It should be a breakout-tacular few weeks ahead. If it works, I'll write about it on The Royal Beauty. If it's doesn't work, I may just have to start wearing a burka.

Today's sing-a-long song: "Glass Ceiling" by Metric

HRH

Now this would have been handy

I was in an HMV last weekend, which isn't really such a blog worthy event, but what I saw there kind of was. When I started working there eleven years ago (!!) there wasn't much of a uniform. I remember being distinctly told in our orientation that the company was all about having individuals as staff and that wearing uniforms every day just wasn't going to happen.

Now companies change ownership and rebrand. These are realities. And over the five years I was employed there, by then end I was wearing a staff-shirt every day. Not without a whole lot of complaining and evoking references to the "Musictown" smock from Empire Records of course, but that was mostly because I was young and mouthy. At the end of the day, really, it was just a T-shirt.

So I was in an HMV this weekend and I was totally struck my something looking at the female staff. Sure all their staff-shirts matched, but it had gone far beyond that. All the female staff had chosen one of two looks. The first, which I think totally works in a record store, was that of "rock chick." Black straightened hair cut in the style of Joan Jett, tight jeans, a big studded belt and Converse sneakers. Oh and a hell of a lot of bracelets.

All the other girls on staff (that I could see) we identically attired in their own way. It began with the closed toe Birkenstock sandals, and then it was the same brand of black yoga pants. Yoga pants? When did HMV turn into Lululemon? When did yoga pants become a rock fashion staple? They all topped the look off with the "I worked on this messy updo for an hour" hairstyle, and with the exception of one of them, they were all blonde. I've never understood working on your hair for that long and then putting on exercise clothes and actually going out in public that way.

It was just really strange and it got me thinking about working music retail now and working music retail then.

Kids starting work at a record store must have it easier these days. The vastness and popularity of google has to make it easier to answer those really hard questions about who sang what and what inspired who. Back in the day (oh I'm dating myself here) a lot of it was simply stored in our heads and having little music factoids required a lot of love music and a love of research. Now, I'm positive that there are still certain skills needed to be a good record store employee, but it has to be so much easier these days (falling profits thanks to itunes aside).

One thing I would have love to have had then is this. A guide that maps music out for you, gives you a bit of wry writing to go with it and provides hours of entertainment. You wouldn't even have to bullshit to people about knowing where things came from, because you could really find out! Of course, this particular guide being all about electronic music makes me love it even more.

Today's sing-a-long song: "A Girl Like You" by Edwin Collins

HRH

Keeping the universe in balance one shopping experience at a time

So wedding dress shopping has been very fruitful. I'm down to a couple of lovely options and will be making the final call with the help of the one who's dressed me the most in my life, my mother, next weekend. Indeed I am flying high on the experience of actually fitting into dresses and looking good in them. It's cool and makes all the work worth it.

But something occurred to me today. You can lose all the weight you like to fit into the clothes you love, but no matter what you do, you can never shrink your feet. I've accepted that the chances of me finding beautiful shoes in my size for my wedding day are really slim, if not absolutely impossible. It's not an easy need to meet. I have size 11 feet and I want as little heel as possible. I'd also like to wear shoes that aren't going to kill me with pain, which rules out most of the cute shoes out there. I don't think I could be further from the wedding norm. Which is basically what I'm striving for in most cases, except that most shoe companies provide shoes for the critical mass, aka: the wedding norm.

It's good that I'm wearing a long dress and really, no one is going to be looking at my feet. That helps. But keep in mind that I'm a shoe person. M and I have closets full of shoes, closets. It seems incongruous that for a day when I really want to look great that I cover my feet in something orthopaedic looking because it's the only thing that meets my requirements.

It may seem early to be concerned about this, but I've learned from the sales people that scolded me about leaving shoe shopping too late. I really do need to start shopping for summer shoes months before other people do because those elevens go quickly. If any of you are out and about and see a shoe (or even two) that's a one inch heel or so, white (ivory or off-white, even better), classy and just plain beautiful, let me know. I have a feeling this search is going to be a group exercise.

Today's sing-a-long song: "Move Your Feet" by Junior Senior

HRH

Guerlain: L'Instant de Guerlain

I've found a new smell. Something that mixes my affection for oriental and floral fragrances. I picked up a bottle of L'Instant de Guerlain in New York over the holidays and it's coming close to usurping Gucci Rush as my signature scent.

HRH

It's all for me?

Turns out it is true. Shopping for wedding dresses one of the most fun things you can do. Hot damn I looked good in those things!

HRH