The Ass Effect

This is a public service announcement for impressionable males. Do not be swayed by the coy and oversexed ads for Axe body spray. Please don't think that by purchasing a bottle of axe you will have throngs of beautiful women willingly drawn to your flesh. Axe does not equal "ladies." In all honestly Axe should only be purchased if your aim is to cause stomach upset, dizzy spells and revulsion. And excellent product for a revenge plot.

I am the last female you will meet to discourage a man from taking the time to examine and potentially improve upon his personal smell. Smell is very important. Smell is very much tied to sex and sexuality. If you have the wherewithal to realize that without consistent bathing and grooming we as a species would all smell like wet dogs and try to do something about it a applaud you. However, before you go patting yourself on the back for a scent well done, if you think that bathing yourself in the radioactive, nausea inducing swill that is Axe is a step above wet dog, think again.

I LOVE it when boys smell good. It's just under regret-free cupcakes on my list of good things. It is such an amazing thing to get up close to someone and discover that they have found and employ a complementary scent to their natural body chemistry, a truly lethal combination to a girl's will. It's something that is individual to each person. Some boys smell great with soap, others with a well selected scent.

Note that I said up close. Perfumes and colonges should be something you smell if you embrace someone or if you're standing really, really close, not something that announces your arrival in a room. And besides their totally noxious concoction of scents the axe body sprays also encourage over use.

And they smell like ASS.

It's such a wasted opportunity. There are so many varieties of scent out there, enough types for everyone to find something that makes them smell yummy. Yet fool after fool turns to Axe. It may not be the tragedy of our time, but it is one of those little things that could tip the scales in your favour. Little things do add up.

If you find yourself in the drug store and you're thinking "Hey, I want to smell good. I want the ladies to find me delicious" go with that feeling and walk away from the Axe products. Go find a girl and get her to help you. Otherwise, should you encounter me in the street, or worse, in an enclosed space like a streetcar, I will confront you and yell at you until you go home and wash the Axe stench form your skin. Males, consider yourselves warned.

HRH