Attack of the all-purpose cleaner

Someone is going to be cleaning my house tomorrow. You have no idea how much this is bothering me. There's this wonderful woman who cleans M's mother's house, who does the most thorough job you can imagine, and she's going to be cleaning my house tomorrow. And it's bothering me. Any sane person would be elated that icky tasks like cleaning under the stove or behind the radiators will be done by someone else. I like cleaning, but even these tasks I pass over more often than I should. But still.

Someone is going to be cleaning my house, touching my belongings and judging me. Okay, so the last option isn't rational but that doesn't mean I'm not thinking it. I agreed to having this super spring cleaning in a moment of fatigue. And really, considering how busy work has been, getting someone to come in an give the place a hardcore once over is actually a good idea. However, March's good idea has now become June's issue of fixation.

I think the underlying issue is going to be that once the house is all spic and span, I won't have anything to do. I'm in a creative drout, so these days watering the plants, moderating a Star Wars message board and cleaning the house is what I do to relax. Add in my minor OCD about things being very much in their proper place and my serious issues with people touching things of mine, it feels like the makings of a flipout. This is going to sound exceptionally insane, but the whole idea of coming home tomorrow and finding something out of place is enough to make me cry. And I've made it through the last 10 days of work without shedding a tear. Home is sacred to me. The idea of someone strange being in there, even with the best of cleaning intentions, is making my quirks and compusions switch into overdrive.

I'm going to come home and things aren't going to be in their place. What a nightmare. It used to upset me so much to come home on Wednesdays from school when the cleaning ladies had been through my parents house. Which isn't to say I didn't appreciate things being clean, it's just one of those things I have. I just am not good with people moving my things.

Yes, I'm insane.

But I'm going to deal with the cleaning. Let it happen, because it needs to get done and I don't have the energy to do it. And it will soothe the compulsions of the other person in the house who has a big problem with dust and dirt and things never ever being clean enough.

There are bigger problems in the world.

HRH

Chrysalis phase complete

It turns out I'm okay. Not doing cartwheels of joy, but I'm good. I'm glad that I didn't listen to myself and made myself get out and do things this weekend. It made a difference. Plus I got to see the inside of the OCAD building (yawn), have a great lunch on Baldwin, Sushi with many friends, cocktails with even more friends, a bike ride, some driving in the Matt-Mobile and some cupcakes. I even managed to toss in a trip to Canadian Tire in there, and somehow, that makes things all the better too.

Also, Mike, or I guess more accurately Jonathan (Mike's brother), has given me Knights of the Old Republic and has provided me with so much diversion from any kind of unpleasant reality that I should be able to engross myself until this whole mood makes itself scarce.

So M will be back from NYC in 5 hours or so. While I've missed him and kept in pretty constant contact with him via SMS, I'm proud of how okay I've been. I was a pretty miserable pathetic person on Friday night, and now 72 hours later, I feel like myself again. It's nice. I'd missed me.

Today's sing-a-long song: "Low Five" The Sneaker Pimps

HRH

"If you are idle, be not solitary; if you are solitary, be not idle."

So M is off in NYC for the weekend, cavorting about with his father and I am spared their lengthy conversations about theatre. Not that I have a problem with theatre, it's just that, damn, do they care about theatre. And sadly when they're in the throes of discussion, I'm usually tired and wanting to retire. So while NYC is always a lovely place to visit, M is there with my blessing and good wishes. May father-son bonding be all that and a bag of chips.

So I have 72 hours to myself. Yup. All to myself.

I'm pretty wiped out from the past week, yet my mind is still pretty hepped up. I've been at the computer for hours now, but I'm considering pulling a midnight cleaning spree. I haven't done one of those in ages. However it seems that the urge to clean is being overridden by the need to sleep.

Besides, I still have 48 other hours to fill.

Today's sing-a-long song:"Time After Time" by Cyndi Lauper

HRH

Malcontent or Misrepresented

As I was perusing the news on a break today an OpEd about the youth voter apathy in pending federal election caught my eye (link in title of this post). Here I was thinking that someone was going to address some of the issues that have motivated me to abstain from voting in my first election since gaining the right to vote at 18. I was hopeful that I might find a smidge of insight, but instead I read a theory that young voters like myself are turning their backs on the political process because we are too self-absorbed to care.

It wouldn't be untrue to say that I am the poster-girl for vanity and self absorption. It's true, I am all about me. However, that doesn't mean it's accurate to put all the blame for this disenchantment on my shoulders. I pretty sure the actions of a myriad of corrupt and moronic politicians has something to do with my dissatisfaction. Or perhaps growing to an age where the sheer futility of the political system can no longer be ignored. Why am I not going to vote? Because it won't make a shred of difference. The politicians aren't leaders and many of my fellow voters couldn't find a rational argument with a GPS tracking system.

Yet, none of that is taken into account. No. It's all the fault of youth who won't fall in line and get passionate about the dregs of leadership that are presented to them. How thoughtless of us. Pardon me Mr or Ms OpEd. My Bad.

Today's sing-a-long song: "On one is to blame" by Howard Jones

HRH

Sometimes You Just Have To Laugh

By all accounts today should have been a really crappy day. I'm filling in for two people in my department and one of the smaller hells has broken out at work (that hell being that which I can't get into, but you can figure it out if you read the papers from today). However it seems that even on pretty dark days I can still laugh at things, which I think is really promising.

Other promising things have been the support I'm getting from everyong. Of note have been e-mails from friends, phone calls with Mum and chats with M and Dawn. Though I have to remember that the next time I meet Dawn for coffee I have to not get iced drinks because they freeze my mouth and make me appear speechless or shy, when simply my mouth is to cold to move.

Today's sing-a-long song: "Amazing Grace" Traditional

HRH

Season pass on the Rollercoaster

My spirits were on their way up there for awhile. Had a great weekend with my guy, started drawing again, read a comic, saw a movie, rode my new bicycle, had sushi... should be a happy girl, no?

Alas, for all my efforts, things which I cannot discuss in this forum have arisen that remind me that the world is a pretty dark place. I don't see the clouds clearing for awhile. I'll try my best to be up, please bear with me if I'm a bit of the Angry Young Woman this week.

HRH

A Beautiful Day

You'd think when your days begins with the sound of a puking cat it's some kind of omen.

Strangely enough you could say my day has been charmed. Charmed in the simple pleasures kind of way. Granted the puking cat happened far too early, but it turned out okay. Seems Zeus shares his mummy's predilection for vomiting, meaning just because you're chucking, it doesn't mean you're dying. So that was 7:30 a.m.. Once I determined that the furry one was okay, I employed the use of some new hair product from the Brilliant Brunette line, and enjoyed the artistry from Flip Flop Flyin with M.

My parents came for a quick visit, bringing the new bikes and our herbs for our herb garden (and my new experiment a tomato plant and a green pepper plant - let's try to forget that I hate green peppers and just be happy for the existence of a project, K.). Plants were put into their new homes and the four of us went for lunch and a walk in High Park, where I discovered that I had missed the horticultural event of the year (the one I'd been looking forward to since last fall) the flurry of cherry blossoms that would have just been so gorgeous lining one of the trails in the park. Alas. Someday I will walk through a grove of cherry trees in bloom. Perhaps I will be wearing a kimono.

After my parents departed to visit their new grandkitty, Finnigan, M and I made our way to Canadian Tire. Perhaps not a noteworthy thing, but it was thought provoking. See my Papa used to go to Canadian Tire pretty much every day after he retired from the Armed Forces. I guess he used to get the feeling of serenity I get from visiting China shops when he would peruse the products at CT. Given the frequency that I've been at CT in recent weeks, I feel a connection with my Papa. I wonder if he'd be proud.

So M and I came home, tricked out our new bikes then made our way to the cinema to watch Shrek 2, laughed a whole lot and came home to watch Philly get knocked out of their chance to the Stanley Cup. Yay! I wonder what the next two days of holidays will bring.

Today's sing-a-long song: "It's a Beautiful Life" by Ace of Base

HRH

The Wiseness of Friends Near and Far

I thought I was being all clever, you know, by disabling the comments on my exsitential crisis post of the other day. Because I wasn't trolling for sympathy or trying to whine. It was just what I needed to say. But as Tori so aptly sang (and it fits me so well) "Seems that my wish knew better than I did."

I received really great messages from friends and anonymous blog readers, got a couple of phone calls and a very effective chat over a Chai frappuchino. And it's awesome and I feel so loved and cared for and it's great. I wouldn't say that I'm feeling better, because I don't think I was feeling so bad. I was just not feeling. But I think that at least now, by talking it out some, I think I understand the nature of the problem.

A couple of years back I gave M's mother a book that broke down astrology to the your birthday. Every day was a different type of person and it laid out what moved you and what you should be weary of. While I don't put stock in astrology, I was able to see some paralells between the description and my nature. Apparently I'm a traveller who is always looking for home, even when they're there. I have to shake myself so that I can see that I don't have to go looking for something I already have (I'm sure there's a power ballad about this). I've been thinking about that a lot recently.

I'm coming down from years of activity. Moving countries, finishing school, finding some direction with my life, scoring sweet apartment after sweet apartment, and cute shoes. Yes, there have been years upon years of cute shoes. And it's all led up to today. I'm here in the place in my life for awhile. And I'm trying to believe that it's okay, because it's really great here and there are so many pairs of cute shoes.

One of the lenders 'o support said something that has resonated with me.

I don't think there's any reason to feel guilty about looking for more fulfillment or anticipation around the corner even when you have, "on paper," a perfectly good life.

And I think that's been the root of a lot of my sadness. I've felt guilty about wanting more. Even more so because I don't even know what the "more" is.

Anyway, I think I understand it better now and thank you to everyone for being so kind and thoughtful. I'm going to be fine, because it's me and I'm always fine. Still it's really nice to know that there are people looking out for me. I really can't tell you how fortunate I feel for having the friends, family and loved-ones that I do. You all make me feel so special and if you'd hadn't figured it out by now, the desire to feel special is what drives me.

Today's sing-a-long song: "Strange" by Tori Amos

HRH

Next?

In spite of the sunny skies of late, I've come to accept that I'm emotionally under the weather. It's not depression or heartbreaking sadness, it's just this feeling of numbness. I don't want to crawl in to bed for a month, nor have I been brought to tears by these feelings. Or I guess more accurately, this lack of feelings.

It's odd. There are just so many things to be happy and excited about. It is isn't as though I'm unaware of them. In fact I'm sure without the wonderfully prosperous phase I'm in, I'd be a right miserable baby. On the other hand, it's not like there's a shortage of things to be depressed and horrified about. Granted they're all outside of my control, which when you think about it is actually more depressing. Hrm.

Maybe this is what getting old feels like. You just become numb to things and get what little joy you can out of your friends, family, work or hobby. When you're younger, it's all about idealism, changing things and making a difference, but it seems as you age ideals are thrown by the wayside for security and it becomes all too evident that things never really change.

So here I am. Life is pretty damn great on paper and I spend more of my time up than down, but something is awry. M asked me if I need a big project, and he may not be so off the mark. Maybe I'm bored. No, that's not the right term. I guess I'm in need of some expectations. The problem with getting what you want done is knowing what to do once you've got it. 5 years ago I wouldn't have dared imagine the life I have now. Granted, I was just getting over being a crazy person, but I wasn't optimistic about my future. And here I am, in the future (I guess the now) and I've done more than I'd ever dreamed of, I have this great life and underneath the malaise I am a happy person. I guess I just don't know what to do next!

Today's sing-a-long song: "Piggy" by Nine Inch Nails

HRH

Everything's Coming Up Merigolds

It's amazing how relaxing a weekend without work can be. I had a couple of tasks and it completed them all with style.

First was to plant my window boxes and planters on the balcony. So I made my way to the local Canadian Tire, got myself a cart and tore the place up. Actually I made some really stupid plant choices and decided to call my mother who is known for her wise plant choices. After much consultation, hrming and haing and use of the VISA card, I made my way home, got my hands dirty and produced this:





I'm not ready for the Chelsea Flowers show or anything, but I think it's an admirable start. With that taken care of I spent the rest of the weekend being fed wonderful food by Mr. Shaver and his slew of assistant chefs and then treated to copious amounts of sushi by Matej's mother. Add in a visit from the always wonderful Tania, a whole lotta sleep in and just a little sun on my cheeks and you have a well deserved weekend.

(I'm not going to talk about the rollerblading, because I sucked at it, and I hated a lot of it and I'm trying to be a more positive person)

Today's sing-a-long song: "Kiss from a Rose" by Seal

HRH

Everyone Feel The Love

For those of you paying attention, I have reordered the names on the blogs list. The only reason I'm mentioning this, is prior to my omission of a couple of names on the blog list during the transfer, I didn't know that anyone actually cared that they are on the blog list. Turns out, people do. So with that information in mind, please know that besides the placement of M and Miguel at the top, the rest of the list isn't any kind of ranking, it's merely the names of some of my friends that blog in an order that I find really amusing when I say it quickly.

With that out of the way, let us speak of other things, like the beautiful weather.

Yup sure is pretty. In fact, what the hell am I doing inside blogging...

HRH

Eponymous Hair Products At Last

Mmmm. New blogger automatically makes my titles bold.

This past weekend, M and I were making one of our Olympian Shopper's Drug Mart runs, where the total ends up in the triple digits and everyone comes out of the store well stocked with vitamins, moisturizers, razor blades and pain killers. Shopping for personal grooming products has always been a pleasant, shared experience for us. However, this past weekend my beloved threw me for a loop. As I placed a new, wonderfully named shampoo and conditioner in the basket, M said to me "Don't you already have a lot of those?" I was stunned, shocked and appalled. This man who I've loved for many years, raised by a master of personal grooming, owner of 4 different pomades for his own hair, was suggesting that I was purchasing unnecessary hair care products! I couldn't believe it. It was like I had entered bizzaro world. "Doesn't he know me?" I thought to myself. "He's seen our bathroom, right?" I was shaken. I stammered out a "No, I don't really have that much." to which he responded "Really? I think you do." Gasp! Had he fallen on his head in the greeting card isle, irrecoverably changed from the metrosexual I fit so well with into a man who thinks that having 5 different shampoos and 3 different conditioners is too much?

The answer is no. He's still the man I love, because I was able to purchase another shampoo and conditioner, Brilliant Brunette. Yay! Of course, after using it for a couple of days I can say that my hair sure is brown. There haven't been any dramatic results, but like other colour shampoos and conditioners, it adds a lot of shine, makes my hair look healthy and gives the natural highlights in my hair a bit of a boost. Nothing dramatic though. I imagine it would work really well on colour treated hair, much like the Aveda colour shampoos do, but for a whole $4 less. And the name... well, I just can't stop being amused by the name.

Today's sing-a-long song: "She's always in my hair" by D'Angelo

HRH

I've Gotta Be Me

Sadly, in my old Blogger template, my comments looked like ass. Really ugly, unfit ass. And I'm not about ugly-ass stuff. So until I have time to give The Royal Word a proper make over (ie. make this flipping font smaller, and widen the main section of the page, chelsea-ize the colour scheme) I have adpoted one of the lovely new Blogger templates. Of course, I know that there are hundreds if not thousands of other bloggers with this very template and the notion of my blog being like someone else's actually makes me a little ill (if you listen really hard you can hear Beltzner sighing with exasperation and no doubt rolling his eyes as well). But, I cannot be a slave to two masters. So I choose beauty over individuality... as least for a little while.

Today's sing-a-long song: "We Stand Alone" by The Killer Dwarves

HRH

View and Renew

So blogger has given itself a makeover and I'm still on the fence about it. It now comes with comments, which I have enabled for now, sadly at the expense of all the comments that came before. Perhaps the best part about taking out the old comments was the part where I cut out the css tags. Brilliant. Of course, this is why I do things like save my code in an e-mail or word document before I go off doing something stupid... like deleting the csss style tag. But if it can all work in house, then I can be a happy camper. I miss my old blogger interface, but I'm sure I'll be over it in about a minute.

There may be changes coming to The Royal Word in the coming days as I test this puppy out and see what it can do for me. Right now I've discovered that I can turn comments on and off for a particular post (nothing shocking for MT users)and the blogger logo now has rounded edges. ooooooh.

And just FYI, there's a beauty blog on the horizon. Prepare your credit cards.

Today's sing-a-long song: "New" by No Doubt

HRH

Edit: Still waiting for those comments to appear...
Even More Edit: It appears that there are issues, so I'll enable the new comments when I have time. Boo!
Edit 3!: And, thanks to Miguel, Master o' tech support... there are comments!

All In The Furry Family

My sister recently added a new four legged friend to our family. You see, to us, cats are people and when a new cat is brought into the clan, it's cause to celebrate. So please join me in celebrating the six sources of joy for my parents, M's father, M's step-mother, my sister, my Andrew, my M and myself. From left to right, the Mighty Zeus, Aristotle, Calypso, Flicek, Rozarka, and introducing, Finnigan.








Today's sing-a-long song: "Love Cats" by The Cure

HRH

Intervention

It seems that there's a limit to how far you can push a sick body before it says "Stop." Mine was full on singing The Supremes this morning, so I listened, and stopped. I would like to state for the record that if I'd been healthy, there would have been no stopping me.

Last night, in a true sign of my sickness, I cleaned the house and did the laundry. Some people sleep when they've caught a bug. Me? I disinfect. Of course, now I'm home sick today with no task, save getting better. Which I guess is just as well, since I only have enough energy to sustain me through 20 minutes of activity before it's nap time again. Hopefully all the napping, and Cheerio eating will restore my health and my sanity.

Also, what was going to be my wonderful 25 degree planting weekend has now become another weekend o' rain. Boo.

No sing-a-long today as I have developed the voice of Phyllis Diller.

HRH

Long Train Runnin'

I hope this post will be somewhat coherent. Maybe not. The gifts of the articulate fail me when I'm at optimal operating capacity, so I am not hopeful about how clear I can be right now.

I'm tired and getting low on fuel. Stopping or slowing down is not an option. I'm pretty sure I have a nasty cold right now, but I just can't allow that to be any kind of factor. This isn't life or death stuff, so pardon my dramatic tone. I think it helps with keeping me motivated. Somehow drama fuels my will and stagnacy makes me soft. So drama it is. I can exercise my will over my own body. I can dictate when rest is needed or how much energy I can direct to getting healthy. Again, none of this is life or death. I am reminding myself that I can and I will do it all.

And that gives me strength and energy. That will get me through until it's time to rest. Then I will sleep a guiltless sleep, because it will all be done. And I'll wake up and find more to do.

Maybe I'll plant my balcony containers this weekend.

HRH