Exchanging My Albatross for Monogramed Scented Candles

Since my good friends Roland and Conny are here from Germany I decided to take today off from work. Sadly because I spent so much time stressing about my most recent writing assignment and not as much time creating a final product, I had to spend this morning writing the last of it. While it would have been ideal that I finish the writing before my day off, my efforts this morning further solidified my feelings that working from home every so often is really awesome.

For starters, home has windows. Work doesn't. So with today's 20 degree weather I was able to open the windows, let the kitty out on the deck, turned on my itunes play list and got into the writing zone. Of course, the kitty I so naively trusted, decided to bolt onto the roof of the house and explore uncharted territory. Once I had him retrieved, and the window a little more closed, I was able to enjoy a morning of writing. And it worked. I got it all done. Yay!

I then decided to celebrate. The four of us headed to Queen street. Roland looked at a simply gorgeous Herman Miller chair and M and I contemplated our furniture future (it looks good). While M and Roland paid a visit to the fine stylists at Coup Bizzare, I discovered the cutest thing ever. Scented candles with your initial on them. For example for M I purchased a mango and nectarine scented one and for me it was cassis and red current. Get it? M and C. Hello? Anyone?

After that we made our way to Sushi on Bloor and filled ourselves with sushi. In fact I am loathed to admit that the sushi actually beat me. For the first time in my life I actually had sushi left over. Oh the shame of asking for a doggy bag.

Today's sing-a-long song: "Sunrise" by Tori Cassis

HRH

Living in a digital world

Those of you who've been to Mike's Blog today, no doubt saw his digital image as created by the new Yahoo Messenger. Since I have a yahoo account and just so vain it's cute I couldn't resist creating my own digital version of myself.

It's not bad, though I think it's about 4 months down the diet/exericise road, and the hair is a little off (the cut most like mine had way too much blond highlighting going on), but it's okay. I'd like to be able to customize the makeup, but hopefully that will come with time. I like the boots. There were other clothing options, and while I was tempted to put the digital me into capris, I knew that would be a mistake, as the real me just looks retarded in them.

Today's sing-a-long song: "Dress you up" by Madonna

HRH

Adventures in Gmail

So after using Gmail for a couple of days, I have some things to report (perhaps I should be reporting this to Google, no?). I like the threaded conversations. It's particularly handy with conversations among several people. What can I say, I'm a sucker for anything colour coded. Also the remembering every address I encounter feature is pretty keen to, and does exactly what I want an e-mail program to do. I also like the shortcuts. Yay Google.

One thing I would like would be an alert that I have new mail. I don't care if it's through IM, but it would be nice. Something I think that would be really keen would be an alert via blogger, so that when I log in to update my blog there's a "New Mail" icon or something like that. Yes, that would be very good for me.

The other day I encountered by first bunch of Gmail Ads, which I affectionately refer to as GAds (I could go a step further and reference the fact that these are electronic ads and call them EGAds, but that would be too much methinks). Anyway, I was being alerted to an upcoming conference on liberty and civil rights by a dear friend and there on the right side of the page were two GAds, completely relevant to the information in the message. Very interesting.

Even more interesting was this apparent SPAM I got today. First off, it was the first time I received stock option based spam, which wasn't as irritating as it was latently boring. Also at the end of the message there was this:

sheepskin

populace continual deliquescent temporary urine assam cardiology quintic shop wyeth contributor terror colloquial aegis skullduggery oceanic paradigmatic platelet ripoff loincloth helical dawn natalie marty ahead task forensic aggravate

pee typhoon collar hydrangea flood obtain attach depositary plastron claimant cordage ready lithospheric bel coco doorstep purcell pup tableau anthracite

Which I can only assume was put on there to fool both the spam and GAd filters. I suppose most importantly it caught my eye. It didn't make me invest in any stocks, but it did give the message a couple more seconds before I sent it off into spam oblivion.

HRH

Why I'm a little fatigued today

On Saturday night I was looking forward to a good night's sleep, but the fates were against me. First the fates took away my tolerance for drink and got me pretty much spinning off of two Smirnoff Raspberry Twists, and I don't really sleep when I'm drunk. Then as I wasn't sleeping the house-wide fire alarm started doing a very irritating intermittent beeping thing... which moved form irritating to heart pounding when it actually went off in all of it's ear piercing glory. Happily, the house wasn't actually on fire, but the alarm in the back hallway was having an oversensitive fit. Once it was ripped down off the ceiling, the horrible, horrible noise stopped and all was good.

That happened at 2 a.m., and I returned to my not sleeping, but lying in my spinning drunk bed. Then at 3:30, some asshat called my cell phone (which I never turn off, because I'd never remember to turn it on) and asked to talk to "my bro." Whoever the hell that was. After a great deal of repetition that sounded a lot of Ben Kenobi fooling the Storm Troopers at Mos Eisley "This is a wrong number""This is a wrong number", the guy hung up and I was able to retreat to my bed, where my sobering mind could listen to the howling wind storm. Sigh.

Today's sing-a-long song: "Lullaby" by The Cure

HRH

Attack of the absurd sense of humour

Some of the message boards I frequent are populated by people just as stupid and demented as I am. And I love them for it. Some of the things we amuse ourselves with, besides Star Wars spoilers, are really stupid. For example, this evening I spend a great deal of time laughing about this (cred to J101):

The Squirrel with kaleidoscope eyes...

Here's the rules.
1. Take a song with the word "girl" in it.
2. Switch the word "Girl" with "Squirrel."
3. Watch Song take on a whole new meaning!
ex. "I wish that I had Jesse's Squirrel!" - Rick Springfield or
"The squirrel with kaleidoscope eyes" - Lucy in the sky with diamonds, The Beatles

and the whole thing progressed into this.

"Bad squirrel" Madonna.
"Squirrels on Film" Duran Duran
"The Squirrel from Ipanema" Stan Getz
"Squirrels just wanna have fun" Cyndi Lauper
"Fell in love with a Squirrel" The White Stripes
"she's Got a Squirrel-Friend Now" Reel big Fish.
"Brown eyed squirrel" Van Morrison
"About a Squirrel" Nirvana
"Around The Way Squirrel" LL Cool J
"I've got a squirrel" by Tripping Daisy
"Naughty Squirrel" by Beyonce
"Diamonds are a Squirrel's best friend" Marylin Monroe
"Anthems for a 17 year old squirrel" Broken Social Scene
"Rich Squirrel" - Hall and Oates
"Are you gonna be my squirrel" by Jet
"The squirrel is mine" Jackson/McCartney
"Barbie Squirrel" by Aqua
"Just a squirrel" by No Doubt
"Squirrelfriend" - Matthew Sweet
"Squirrels" by The Beasite Boys
"What a Squirrel Wants" by Christina Aguilera
"Art School squirrel" by STP
"Squirrel, you'll be a woman soon" - Neil Diamond
"Not a pretty squirrel" Ani Difranco
"Squirrels, Squirrels, Squirrels" Motley Crue
"China Squirrel" David Bowie.
"My Squirrel" by The Four Tops
"Squirrel you know it's true" by Milli Vanilli
"American Squirrel" Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers
"A Story About A Squirrel" Our Lady Peace
"Candy Squirrel" New Edition
"Cover Squirrel" New Kids On The Block
"Big Squirrels don't cry"
"Surfer Squirrel" The Beach Boys
"I'm not a squirrel, not yet a woman" Britney Spears
"California Squirrels" David Lee Roth
"Could I be your squirrel" Jann Arden
"Cinnamon squirrel" Neil Young
"Not such an innocent squirrel" Victoria Beckham
"Breaking the squirrel" RHP
"Material squirrel" Madonna
"My Best Friend's Squirrel" The Cars
"Please Don't Take The Squirrel" Tim McGraw
"Punk Rock Squirrel"Dead Milkmen
"Who's That Squirrel" Madonna
"(I've been waiting) For a Squirrel Like You" Foreigner
"When Boy Meets squirrel" Terri Clark
"Fat Bottomed Squirrels" Queen.
"Stupid Squirrel" Garbage''
"What it feels like for a squirrel" Madonna
"Kiss the squirrel" The Little Mermaid
"X-Squirrel Friend" No Doubt

And I'm still laughing...

HRH

Upgrades

FYI, I've upgraded my comments program, meaning I'm now paying for them. Not a lot, so even if there's minor improvement it hasn't been a serious investment. 'Cause they were crappy, like free stuff is often crappy, so hopefully by engaging in a little capitalismus I can expect better service. Oh naive me!

Hopefully now, commenting will be easier, quicker and more reliable.

HRH

Helping is Futile

From The Onion:

Libertarian Reluctantly Calls Fire Department
CHEYENNE, WY—After attempting to contain a living-room blaze started by a cigarette, card-carrying Libertarian Trent Jacobs reluctantly called the Cheyenne Fire Department Monday. "Although the community would do better to rely on an efficient, free-market fire-fighting service, the fact is that expensive, unnecessary public fire departments do exist," Jacobs said. "Also, my house was burning down." Jacobs did not offer to pay firefighters for their service.

I will bake cupcakes for whoever can discern where the title of this post is from. No googling!

Today's sing-a-long song "Anthem" by Rush.

HRH

"Their logo is better than ours"

Yesterday, before enjoying my first viewing of the deliciously visual and shallow Kill Bill Vol. 1, Mike gently scolded me for putting the anmiated purple spanking hippo on my blog. So I have now amended the post with a link, so that those troubled by the spanking hippo can browse trauma free.

Today is shaping up to be a less than stelling (a new word I created out of fatigue - a mix of stellar and stunning) exercise in productivity. I may have caught some of the stupid cold that both M and Mike are holding close and dear to their lungs. Also, Starbucks is out of Chai until this afternoon, so I can't feel my limbs. Until then I will have to watch Team Laser Explosion to stay awake.

Today's sing-a-long song: "Open up your eyes" by Tonic

HRH

Reach out and touch someone

I'm not sure if it's a Blogger's only opportunity, but I now have a Gmail account. Yeah, another e-mail address, because having 6 other e-mail addresses wasn't enough. I think somewhere along the line I developed an inflated sense of e-dentitiy and starting gobbling up all kinds of e-mail addresses to protect my pseudonym. Yup, lame.

Anyway, in addition to all the other storage I have for e-mails I now have 1000 megabytes of free storage. And since Blogger is now owned by Google, I've also changed my contact e-mail on the header to get down with a little corporate unity. Also, it's called Gmail, which is cool on a variety of levels, even if your last name doesn't start with a G. How does it work? I don't know, but I will let you know if you all send me some e-mail. See I have this little problem where my friends read my blog, get updated on my life and then don't ever write or call. And I'm happy that they're up to date, but the problem is that it's pretty one sided. Especially for those friends who are not part of the blogshpere. I'm not psychic, I have no idea what's going on with some of you! So send me an update about your lives and help me test out Gmail.

Until then, spankings:

Work it baby!

HRH

Maybe make sure your designers understand the concept of a freezing point first

It's not often that a banner ad catches my eye. Usually they fade into the background of a Web site and turn to static for me. But something caught my eye today. While perusing The Onion a flash banner for the upcoming disaster flick The Day After Tomorrow made me look. Just to preface, this is what the movie is about (from imdb):

"This movie takes a big-budget, special-effects-filled look at what the world would look like if the greenhouse effect and global warming continued at such levels that they resulted in worldwide catastrophe and disaster, including multiple hurricanes, tornadoes, earthquakes (I don't quite get the science of that one), tidal waves, floods and the beginning of the next Ice Age. At the center of the story is a paleoclimatologist (a scientist who studies the ways weather patterns changed in the past), Professor Adrian Hall (Quaid), who tries to save the world from the effects of global warming while also trying to get to his son, Sam (Gyllenhaal), who was in New York City as part of a scholastic competition, when the city was overwhelmed by the chilling beginnings of the new Ice Age. In addition to all of the other challenges Dr. Hall faces, he's also going against the flow as humanity races south to warmer climes, and he's nearly the only one going north..."

So what made me pause was a teaser giving a weather report for NYC. "Sunny Clear 76.5 Degrees Farenheit." Then it shifts into disaster mode. "GLOBAL FLOODING -50.6 degrees." I sat there for a moment and went, "Huh?" I have never mastered Imperal measures, so I open up my trusty Cile an use my converter and in Celsius, it's -45.8. Can someone explain to me how you can have a flood when it's -45?

This movie is going to be total feces.

Today's sing-a-long song:"Hazy Shade of Winter" by Simon and Garfunkle

HRH

Destroy The Spineless

It's not very often that one is left deaf, mute and euphoric. I may be biased, but that was the best damn show I've ever seen. Talented musicians, great showmen, totally amazing crowd, good, good, good. I'm just so happy that I was able to go and that they not only met my very high expectations, they completely blew me away. I knew it had to be more than a fluke that Muse was the band that really made me love music again.

I leave you with these lyrics ('cause I'm feeling all inspired and understood) to Butterfiles and Hurricanes, one of the many songs they completely rocked this evening:

change,
everything you are
and everything you were
your number has been called
fights, battles have begun
revenge will surely come
your hard times are ahead

best,
you've got to be the best
you've got to change the world
and you use this chance to be heard
your time is now

change,
everything you are
and everything you were
your number has been called
fights and battles have begun
revenge will surely come
your hard times are ahead

best,
you've got to be the best
you've got to change the world
and you use this chance to be heard
your time is now

don't,
let yourself down
don't let yourself go
your last chance has arrived

best,
you've got to be the best
you've got to change the world
and you use this chance to be heard
your time is now

Um, Sorry?

To all the kind wonderful people at the Edge, please understand that I didn't really mean to call you all whores, I was just upset and sometimes we do very silly things when we're upset. So please forgive me, because you're all so cool for giving me two tickets and enabling me to meet and speak to my favourite band. 'Cause they were really cool, wonderful guys and that is just such a relief.

Just a couple hours until the show now!

HRH

WHORES!

Despite my valiant efforts, I have been thwarted in my attempts to see one of my favourite bands. Why the Edge decided that this was going to be a Win to get In show I don't know. I would have gleefully given them heaps of money to get tickets, but instead they left it up to that bitch fate. I really hate her. And apparently she's got no love for me either. I even made 6 friends sign up to the stupid Inside Edge to get me tickets and none of them won either.

It's not like Muse is sonic bliss for me. It's not like their music doesn't bring me to tears sometimes. Naw, they don't matter a thing to me. Nope, not at all. It's not like they'd appreciate having a fan like me at the concert instead of some drunk asshat who's just there to go "Woo!" at inappropriate moments. No, that would be totally wrong.

Total whore that fate is. I'm debating walking over to The Edge to see Muse at 6:15, but I have to ask "How old am I?" Big sulky sighs from me. I'll just console myself with the possibility that they'll have an off night and put on a bad show. Through again, the odds are not in my favour.

Today's sing-a-long song:"Please, please, please" as covered by Muse.

HRH

My Roots Are Showing

I loathe to admit this, but I've been absolutely fascinated by the whole David Beckham/Rebecca Roos fiasco that's been all over the papers this past week. So much so that I've started reading British tabloids online at least twice a day. I'm not sure what interests me the most about it. Part of it is disbelief. I'm not sitting here flabbergasted or anything, I just don't buy it. Mostly I'm unconvinced after reading the text of the erotic SMS's he allegedly sent because they seem much more creative and articulate then I'd have figured he'd be. It's not like they're particularly well written, they're just higher than the bar I'd set for him.

I'm off to the beautiful Ottawa valley this weekend to take part in Celebrations for Grandmother's 90th birthday. She's been kicking it for nearly a century, so I'm pretty happy to be part of the festivities. However I am someone tenuous about seeing my extended family. We're so close that I haven't seen any of them in over 15 years and I basically don't remember any of their names. Should be interesting. I fully expect to spend the entire time with my "everything is totally fine" smile plastered on my face. I'm sure they're all going to be just lovely people, I'm just worried. Not that they won't be great, but that they're totally going to hate me. Insecurity runs abound.

HRH

Procrastination Station

I'm sitting at home on this beautiful day waiting for my panic to shift from the totally paralyzing me phase into the Olympian action phase. Seriously, the transition can come any time. I'm ready for it. My inner confident self knows that I am capable, maybe even talented and that I can do this. It also knows that it can't possibly be perfect the first time, so I might as well just get the first time done and move onto the perfecting it stage. Which I would happily do if Neurotic Bitch, who sadly also lives within my psyche, would just shut the hell up.

Here goes nothin'.

Today's sing-a-long song: "The Final Countdown" By Europe

HRH

We Continue To Amuse

I find it fascinating and pleasing that after some odd 5 years, M and I can still talk. One of the things that drive my in life is that I always want to be learning. This thirst for knowledge makes my present job absolute heaven and my relationship with M one of the best things ever. My man, he knows stuff, all kinds of stuff and it's just so damn sexy. And it's not like it's just one thing he knows, it's piles of things. I love that we can spend hours debating the particulars of philosophy, politics and art. Then moments later have an ernest discussion about rock, paper, scissors or our favourite skateboarders. It's pretty sweet I have to say. I'm very happy that I'm with someone that I can be equally cerebral and retarded with.

Today's sing-a-long song: "You and Me Song" by The Wannadies

HRH

You Could Call It My Version Of A Prayer

Dearly beloved
We are gathered here today
To get through this thing called life

Electric word life, It means forever and that's a mighty long time
But I'm here to tell you
There's something else

The afterworld

A world of never ending happiness
You can always see the sun, day or night

So when you call up that shrink in Beverly Hills
You know the one - Dr Everything'll Be Alright
Instead of asking him how much of your time is left
Ask him how much of your mind, baby

'Cuz in this life
Things are much harder than in the afterworld
In this life
You're on your own

And if the elevator tries to bring you down
Go crazy - punch a higher floor

This Year's Sing-a-Long song: See Above

HRH

The Kitty Who Went Quack

After a battle with aggressive cancer, my sister's wonderful black kitty Indigo has left us. She was a very playful and loyal kitty, born on Wolfe Island and joined our family by hitching a ride on the ferry back to Kingston via my sister's briefcase. As kitties go she was a true individual. She loved to play fetch and didn't really meow. She quacked a lot and did a remarkable imitation of a Ton-ton (something that forever endeared her to me). Most importantly she was a great friend and kitty to my sister and Andrew. The hardest part about having pets is that you generally outlive them. The loss we feel without them is awful, but nothing in comparison to the joy they bring to our lives. Thank you for all the good times and all the love, Indy. We'll miss you.

HRH

We Call This A Perk

I know I say that I have one of the coolest jobs out there, but today it was truly affirmed in my mind. How fun is it that I get to set up and attend a meeting between two of the Maple Leafs and a young boy from the Czech Republic? SO fun! That's how fun. I got to chat with them a little about the upcoming playoffs and thank them from bringing all kinds of swag for the youngster. I have to say, they were really sweet guys and while I was rooting for them before, I'll now be cheering with a bit more zeal.

HRH

A Jamma Party No More

There's been a loss in the family. After 4 years of loyal service my absolute favourite pajamas pants have gone off and gotten a big, unlady-like hole in the bum. Perhaps even more tragic than the loss of something so baby soft, super-girly-pastel pink and flattering is the fact that I've been trying to photograph said hole in the bum in a dignified manner. And now I've learned what should have been evident all along.

I can at least console myself in the knowledge that I get to be in another wedding party this year. However this time I will not be reprising my August role of Bridesmaid, but will instead get to see what it's like being a Groomsperson (Groomsmaid? You try and find one that works!). Blake has very kindly asked me to be part of his wedding this fall, giving me another opportunity to celebrate a great friend getting married to someone awesome. I also get to see how the other half lives. I guess it's only fitting that I'll be playing second to the Best Man Jon, who so wonderfully played the head in our previous project the "METROPOLITAN" cover. Hopefully neither Jon or I will have to go topless for this occasion.

Today's sing-a-long song: "There's a big, uncomfortable hole in my pajamas" by Chelsea (I just sang it, like, 2 minutes ago)

HRH

A Serious Question

Discuss

HRH

See The Beauty In Everything

I guess it's a good thing that I've taken a lot of time to stop and smell the roses this week. Not that there are any in bloom in frigid Toronto, but there are other metaphors of beauty to contemplate at least. The flowers will come, I will get to plant my window boxes and there will be tulips, pansies and herbs to enjoy. But we're not there yet. Spring is just starting to take it's first gasps. It's just starting to think about getting warm, and while I'd love for it to be 20 degrees tomorrow, I'm okay with a bit of a wait as I still have to find just the right shoes to do with my new Chanel-style suit. But brother, once I have those shoes, spring had better bring it.

Until Spring springs, I've found beauty in other places. Friday at the pool I spend more time than I'd like to admit studying the pattern and shape of the bubbles I created by cutting my hand through the water. My new swimming goggles have not only made swimming laps easier, but have allowed me to discover the underwater pool world. Friday was a great pool day because I had the entire pool to myself. I could act like a total idiot (spending a lot of time watching bubbles or doing backwards somersaults) and not have to concern myself with puzzling others. It's really silly, but watching the beautiful shapes and colours created by the bubbles and thinking about how simple they are gave me this really nice feeling of calm. Beauty is all around, you just have look for it sometimes.

Today's sing-a-long song: "What a Wonderful World" By Louis Armstrong

HRH