Men in Kilts

I meant to post about this last week. Better late than never I guess. Last Saturday my darling M took a step into my culture. I suppose it's only fair since I spent 3 years immersed in his. We went to The Scottish Company to rent his kilt for Mike and Dawn's pending nuptuals. I've been on M's case to get a kilt ever since we were asked to be invovled in the wedding. True, he's Czech, and kilts aren't so much a Czech thing. But after pointing out that most of my family has got the Scottish/Canadian thing going on and guys look really hot in klits, I almost had him. Ultimately it proved that purchasing one would be prohibatively expensive and we really couldn't think of a lot of occaisions where he'd wear it. So he opted to rent and he chose the ancient Grampion, which is a regional kilt, for the southeast (my family is from the southwest) but looks enough like the ancient Campbell of Argyll to fool relatives in photos.

Ancient Campbell of Argyll Ancient Grampian

Me, I've always been a fan of the Modern Campbell of Argyll. And while it's a controversial tartan, because the white line was added by the 6th duke of Argyll to distinguish himself from the rest of the clan, and word has it that the present day chief isn't so keen on it's widespread popularity. Meh, I'm a new worlder from the cultural void of North America, so I can get away with such indisrections. Also I commend the 6th duke on his break with tradition for the sake of individuality (thought I'm sure there's more politics involved than I'm aware of).

Anyway, August will be klit tastic and I can say from the fitting last weekend that while my man may be from the continent, when dressed in full Scottish garb, and his chin-strap beard, he looked like a highland man to me. A very, very hot man indeed.

And even Zeus is getting in on the klit action... and he's french!



HRH

I don’t wanna be an old man anymore. It’s been a year or two since I was out on the floor

It was Julie’s birthday yesterday. Apparently she turned 26, which is interesting because for the last 9 years that I’ve known her, she’s been older than me. I've never been good at math, but I’m sensing a bit of revisionist history here. Last night M and I had dinner with Julie, Debbie and Julie’s fantabulous Mom. And you’d think that it would be birthday enough for this young woman, but no. It’s like a weekend marathon of Julie joy. Oscar watching on Sunday and tomorrow night she’s making me go out to a club. Yup, that’s right. I’m going out to dance.

You’d think given my many years of dance training and the many nights I spent at the Trasheteria in University that I would be stoked about this. In all honesty I’m a little worried. I over-think things, yes, but I’m not as much concerned about dancing badly or not having a good time (because the company is going to be stellar). What I’m worried about is not being able to boogie at all. Having the knees of an 80-year-old man who carried large rocks for a living at 27 makes me less than optimistic about my chances of tearing up the dance floor like I did in the old days. I worry that all I’ll be tearing up will be my ligaments. Can you imagine if I actually manage to further injure myself on the dance floor? This could be more embarrassing than the scar I have on my forehead from an ill-fated run-in with the vacuum cleaner. Maybe I could convince the entire club to move into a nearly swimming pool, thereby making it a low-impact dance-a-thon?

Today’s sing-a-long song: “Good Life” by Weezer.

HRH

Everyone's up with "The Passion"

Being a) an atheist and b) not a fan of violence it's safe to say that unless my life depends on it I will be passing on viewing what is being touted as "The Biggest Movie Ever." I know there are people in my circle o' friends that do not share my atheism and as such I will keep my reasons for it to myself. I will say this though. The first word that comes to my mind when I think about relgion (christian or not) is "puzzled." It all leaves me puzzled.

But I know for believers of the Christian faith, this movie could be a big deal. In fact judging by what I've read about it, the film would be horror in the truest sense of the word. And while I do not share their beliefs I do feel sympathy for them and feel a pang of sadness at the thought of how crushing it would be to watch somone, divine or not, be ritualistically tourtured and killed on screen in front of them. I have an inkling of how that will feel.

When I was studying art in Italy I saw a painting that took my breath away and truly horrified me. Whether or not The Crucifixion happened, it still shook me. It still leaves me speechless. I'd never truly understood what being strung up on a cross meant until I saw Tintoretto's Crucifixion in the Sala dell'Albergo (Hall of the Hostel) in the Scuola di San Rocco, in Venice. It was painted in 1565. Tintoretto was a very devout man and excelled at converying emotions through his work. It may not look like much on your computer screen, but in real life, in all its horror, it can make even a non-believer cry.



HRH

Light the Beauty-Symbol

Sofi put out the call and I never leave one of my proteges out in the cold. Seriously girls, I'm good at this. Exploit me. Let me help you look your diva best. It doesn't have to hurt and I can provide references!

Anyway, Sofi asked to me post my beauty top 15 or top 10, or whatever I think is good. I sensed urgency in her writing, and I really don't need an excuse to write about products. So to begin, here's a look through The Royal Word beauty archives.

First Beauty Thread
Perfumes
Best Beauty Buys 2003
Bounty Licious
Product Watch
2003 Product Extravaganza

That should give you something to start with. And since it's been a couple months I'll do the first product watch of 2004.

While recent years have been all about the pinks (and man have I been happy about it), it seems that peach glows are in. Really, with trends changing like the winds, you can pretty much get away with whatever you like so long as you look good. So if you're not peachy keen (guess how many times you're going to read that one in the mags this year), despair not. If you're feeling ambitious, please allow me to direct you to the NARS counter. Now when you get there, don't be frightened by the intensity of the colour you see. What's in the tube or in the compact looks dramatically different on your skin. My two picks for spring are NARS blush in Deep Throat and lip gloss in Sunset Strip. If you're like me and everything must smell amazing, have a gander and a sniff at Benefit's new blush Georgia. Anyone who was a fan of Dandelion, will dig the peachier version for sure.

I also highly recommend having a sniff of the perfume line of Jo Malone. Scent-tacular. This may be my last new scent suggestion, as at last count I had 12 different perfumes to choose from. Oy. Hair wise, the new (as of November) cut has made my hair require less conditioning and more washing. So I'm presently using KMS' Daily Fixx Clarifying Shampoo and occasionally using the Silker conditioner.

Anyway, this is what I'm using. I hope it's useful for Sofi and others. Like I said in my comments, if you need personalized info (ie, not what I'm using because, well, I'm me and you're you and odds are we don't have the same beauty issues, I can only hope you have fewer) e-mail, call or carrier pigeon me. I'm here to help and I find it all terribly fun.

::Skin Care::
Cleanser: Kiehl's Non-Detergent Foaming Cleanser
Exfoliant: Benefit Pineapple Facial Polish
Toner: Clinique clarifying Lotion 2
Moisturizer: Neutrogena Healthy Skin Anti-Wrinkle Anti-Blemish Cream or
Clinique Dramatically Different Oil-Free moisturizer

::Face::
Concealer: MAC - Studio Finish cream concealer
Pressed Power: Chanel - Natural Finish pressed power
Foundation: MAC - Studio Fix

Blush: Benefit - Benetint, Dandelion, NARS - Orgasm, Deep Throat, Cargo - Topeka
Eyeliner: Chanel - Precision Eye Definer in Brown, Bobbi Brown - Long Wear Gel Eyeliner in Sepia
Mascara: Estee Lauder - Magnascopic in Brown or Black
Eyeshadow: Cargo - Shangri-La, Toronto, Clinique - Foxy, Everglade
Lips: Cargo - Lip Gloss in Xai Xai, Clinique - Almost Lipstick in Black Honey, NARS - Lip Gloss in Sunset Strip, Smith's - Rosebud Salve

Oh and then there are all the brushes. Basically go to MAC and Bobbi brown. Listen to what the people behind the counter tell you. Good brushes make such a difference.

And I'm spent...

HRH

How Do You Spell Repulsive?

What a week it's been. A brush with death, the discovery of the pool at my gym and being visually molested on the streetcar. The first you know about, the second is pretty self explanatory save the fact that I was pretty much the only person in the pool who would take breaks from their laps to do backwards somersaults and handstands. You've gotta keep it fresh. Total aside before I get to my last event, if you were part of a couple, and you were say, Orca fat (and I don't often play the mean fat card as I'm on weight loss train) where would you choose to make out with your equally Orca fat partner? The pool at a gym? No? That wasn't your first choice? Why? Because it would be totally inappropriate? Yeah, I thought so. It's great that they've found eachother and I would be equally irritated if they were a skinny couple, but really people.

Anyway, point 3. Thursday morning, on the College street car on the way to work. I realize that I've forgotten to apply my lip gloss, and what glamazon can face the day without lip gloss? I fish my Cargo gloss out of my bag and begin to apply it with my finger. Upon completion of my application I look behind me. I have no idea why I did this, since I usually try my best to be totally unaware of my surroundings while on transit. I look behind me and I see that the man sitting behind me on the car has is hand inside his shirt and is pretty clearly rubbing is nipple, giving me a look you just don't want to see from a total stranger, heck, I wouldn't even want to see this look from anyone I know and have ever met. I tried to rationalize what I'd just seen. "Perhaps he's got an itchy nipple?" I thought, hopefully. No such luck. I guess I can consider myself lucky that my lip gloss application only inspired nipple rubbing and nothing from a location further south.

So Ew, and let us never speak of it again. Instead let us speak of the shame that M and I shared on Friday night, before watching Lost in La Mancha (and no honey, you wouldn't have to create the film all by yourself). As we waited for our dinner to bake, we slummed it and watched The Greatest American Celebrity Spelling-Bee, again proving that when I do watch reality TV, I seriously go for the bottom of the barrel. What was worse than watching it, was actually enjoying it. We did draw the line and didn't watch Man vs. Beast 2. I think we should be proud.

Today's sing-a-long song: "L.O.V.E." By Nat King Cole

HRH

Hand Talkers

This post was originally going to be about an amateur psychology experiment that I was planning on conducting in my own home. I had this elaborate plan to discover if, in a pinch, my beloved boyfriend could be driven to the point of a) throwing out or recycling (preferably the latter, but I'm not pushing it) the empty box of Kleenex in the bathroom and b) if he could figure out where I keep the replacement box. Then I realized that it's not very nice or conducive to a healthy, loving relationship to perform psychological experiments on your loved ones and the poor guy has a cold, so would it kill me to put off my "I'm the martyr of cleaning" routine for a couple days until he gets better. Also, if he discovered that I was performing an amateur psychological experiment on him, he'd no doubt become somewhat cross with me. In fact I think I've guaranteed at least a "stop being a smartass. You're not impressing me" look from him just for writing this. Aren't I cute, honey?

So, yeah, I wasn't going to write about that. I was, and am, going to write about this. The street I live on is a fairly busy one and during rush hour it can be a bit of a bitch to make a left turn when you're travelling south. Sometimes drivers have to get a little aggressive and take chances. Like the chance that they're going to hit a pedestrian in a very well coordinated green ensemble. It happens more often that you'd think. In fact, one risk-taking driver nearly knocked me on my behind today (I should have known it would happen, wearing the green ensemble and all). I could tell that he felt badly about. He wasn't out to get me. He was just trying to get home in a challenging traffic situation and he grossly misjudged. Being a driver myself I was sympathetic to his plight. But what I didn't understand was the gesture he made to me in an apparent apology. It was like he was raising the roof with one hand, but instead of raising the roof, the angle of his hand was more like he was pushing me away in wimpy little hand spasms. It clearly wasn't the "hand wave of apology for an act you regret" that drivers so often employ. Nor was it the "stand band, talk to the hand because I'm a crazy ass mofo and the sidewalk is the only place you're safe, girlfriend" hand movement. It was something entirely incomprehensible.

The moral? I haven't got one. But I guess I would advise that should you almost run over a well-dressed girl on her way home from work and you feel badly about it, express it in a way that she'll understand. Since you almost took her life, it's the least you can do.

Today's sing-a-long song: "Dancin' in the Street" By Mick Jagger and David Bowie (yes, that version.)

HRH

Thoughts on "The Love"

We were going to be so good this year. We were going to resist the manufactured holiday that is Valentine's day, because really I'd rather have 365 days of lovin' than one token occasion. But M broke the rules and he gave me a present, a CD in fact. At the behest of our long-time friend Julie, M bought me the Justin Timberlake CD, which is actually quite good I'm embarrassed to admit.

Of course, now I'm presentless for M, because I actually stuck to the plan. While I try to get creative for something for tonight (eek I may have to cook something!!!) I'll leave you with some thoughts on the nature of sex and love said by Francisco, written by Ayn:


"... a man's sexual choice is the result and the sum of his fundamental convictions. Tell me what a man finds sexually attractive and I will tell you his entire philosophy of life. Show me the woman he sleeps with and I will tell you his valuation of himself... Love is our response to our highest values--and can be nothing else."

HRH

R.I.P. Angel

From the WB Press room:

IMPORTANT NEWS ABOUT ANGEL


"A statement from The WB:
For the last seven years Angel and Buffy the Vampire Slayer have been cornerstones of our network. The sum total of the work done on those shows has produced some of the proudest moments in our history. Like some of the great series that are leaving the air this year, including Frasier and Friends, the cast, crew, writers and producers of Angel deserve to be able to wrap up the series in a way befitting a classic television series and that is why we went to Joss to let him know that this would be the last year of the series on The WB. We have discussed continuing the Angel legacy with special movie events next year, which is still on the table. In a perfect world, all of these details would be completed before this information went to the press so that we could be definitive about the show's ongoing future. But in any case, we did not want to contemplate this being the last year of Angel without giving the show the option of crafting their own destiny for this character and for this series. David Boreanaz continues to be one of the finest, classiest and friendliest actors we have had the pleasure to work with and we hope that the relationship furthers from here. The same can be said for all the actors and producers on the show. "

Boo and more importantly Hoo.

HRH

Fix that spin

So the Ontario government is proposing new solutions for the huge deficit the province has and in doing so will be pissing off the left, the right and the centre. Now that is a feat. Let's sell off bits of the LCBO (one of the bigger government money makers), bring back photo radar (boo), let go of TVO (poor Polkaroo!), expand the tax on prepared meals to cover those that cost less than $4 (wha? Punishing the frugal? I realize it's an anti-fast food thing, but since when is the government my mother?) and actually sell things like hyrdo and water for their objective value (something that is a good idea but has been previously opposed by the Liberal government). The left will be more pissed off than anyone as most of these ideas are former PC proposals. Maybe the Liberals can pull it off, I don't know. But if they're going to, they need to hire new writers. Case in point:the best part of the proposed plan were the vague and basically retarded statements made towards the health care system:

"The health-care system would be transformed to focus on keeping people well, providing services outside of hospitals, and using teams of professionals to care for citizens. It will also be modernized by creating electronic health records."

Yes, because the health care system has always been focused killing people. And professionals? Heck no. The Health care system has tried its best to ensure that only the most inept, ham-fisted morons with sloth-like intelligence provide care for the sick. Finally, a government with a solution to those problems. Oh and Dalton, do your homework. We already have electronic health records. Asshat.

On an interactive note, apparently Ontarians are going to get their say on an on-line Budget Town Hall. So I emplore all Ontario citzens to get involved in their government. Things do need to change. Grab the government by the short hairs and make a difference.

Today's sing-a-long song: "We gotta get out of this place" by The Animals

HRH

Tapping into my market

It always amazes me when there's advertising that I truly feel is directed at me. I am a weirdo and one of the things about being weird, is that most other people aren't. Advertising isn't an inexpensive eneavour, so when there's an ad that appears to have tapped into the sick, twisted and absurd mass that is my brain I'm impressed.

For example, I've been in love with the flash animations at rathergood.com for awhile now. These dancing animals have brought much joy into my life and into the lives of countless others. Last night I was happily watching TV with M and a commercial for my very favourite sub chain comes on. And lo and behold, it's done in the style of rathergood. Go Quiznos (Ads can be found under "Check out our new television commericals."

Now the ads really freaked M out, but I was simply overjoyed. Now M is, well, not as insane as I am so this could be a huge gamble on the part of Quiznos, choosing to appeal to people with a truly demented sense of humour. But I embrace it. Go freaky creatures!

Today's sing-a-long song: "Fell in love with a girl" by The White Stripes

HRH

The Awesome Power of Pharmaceuticals

I've heard it said that drug companies are the devil. I've heard it a lot working in Health Care, but I have to say today that the makers of prescription drugs are sweet, sweet angels from heaven. Maybe not the healthiest of opinions to have, but thanks to medical science and the fine people at Merck & Co., Inc. I can not only walk, but I can skip. I plan on trying to jump tomorrow. I'm a young woman so these are not usually huge feats of skill, but considering that I've spent the last 3 weeks of my life limping all over the city of Toronto like an othropaedic charity case, this is very good news. After several consultations with my doctor, who looking at X-rays and examinations found no new joint damage or fluid build-up, we've decided to rock these new anti-inflammatories and hope that my left knee will heal, my right knee will return to being basically retarded and I'll be able to grit my teeth and get on with my active life. It's kind of pathetic that I'm taking glucosamine, Vioxx and will soon be taking Synthroid. If someone were to look at my daily pill intake and failed to see the birth control pills on the list, you'd basically think I was an old woman. At least I don'tlook like I'm falling apart.

So bless the drugs. Bless all the pills I take that help me go through life in hopefully better health and with minimal pain. Bless medical science and bless my drug plan that had me pay $11 for an $111 EpiPen today.

I'm so excited about the possibility of moving with grace again.

HRH

Mission Aborted

News from higher ups has confirmed that Hayden Christensen will, in fact, not be able to attend the event next week. Sadly he will be in LA, which means I am spared the opportunity to make an ass of myself in front of a celebrity. I am also spared the pressure of hitting on him and keeping my contractual obligation to "the list." It looks like Geddy Lee might make it, which will also be cool. But I'm pretty sure that he can't tell me anything about Episode III. Then again...

While it would have been a riot to have the dark lord of the sith at my workplace, I think it's all for the best. I hate it when I get reality mixed in with my fantasy.

Today's sing-a-long song:"Another night" by La Bouche.

HRH

1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, Switch

Still no confirmation of the potential celebrity visit. Fret not I will keep everyone posted.

In the mean time, let us discuss how totally insane the world is.

Example 1: The Britney, Beyonce & Pink Pepsi Commercial. If you've seen it, then you've actually seen what happens when someone sets 10 million dollars on fire for no good reason. Senseless, fluffy, tripe that crap is. Bwa!

Example 2: Comes to us from ABC news. This isn't surreal for the reasons you may think it's surreal. Read on:

"Bush, Blair nominated for Nobel Peace Prize
Two of the architects of the Iraq war, United States President George W Bush and British Prime Minister Tony Blair, are among nominees for the 2004 Nobel Peace Prize.
Nominations for the prestigious award close tomorrow.

After sending thousands of soldiers to war and failing to find weapons of mass destruction in Iraq, Mr Bush and Mr Blair have been put forward to receive the Nobel peace prize.

They were nominated by Jan Simonsen, an independent member of Norway's Parliament who says the pair got rid of a dictator and made the world safer.

"Bush and Blair definitely still deserve it," he said.

"Even though they haven't found those weapons they got rid of a dictator and made the world more safe. They got rid of a madman."

Saddam's alleged weapons of mass destruction were a main justification for the war.

Nobel watchers say neither Mr Bush nor Mr Blair has much chance of winning.

Other nominees are varied and include: Pope John Paul II; the European Union to mark its expansion to include former East bloc states; the Salvation Army; former Nazi dictator Adolf Hitler; former Czech president Vaclav Havel; former Yugoslav president Slobodan Milosevic; and Chinese dissidents.

The 2003 prize went to Iranian human rights lawyer Shirin Ebadi from a record field of 165 nominees.

The prize winner is announced in October

Hitler? Milosevic? I would love to hear the rationalizations for those ones.

As I've said elsewhere it's crap like this that makes me want to move up to an isolated shack in the mountains where I can shoot at anyone who tries to speak to me. I could then be justified in having crazy old lady hair and carving an army of killer robots out of soap. Do they see how they're making me TOTALLY insane?

Today's sing-a-long song: "Crazy Train" by Ozzy Osbourne

HRH