"I wanted to destroy it, rather than let it be part of a world where beauty and genius and greatness have no chance."

I'm sick and sulky. I've been home for 48 hours straight and I might just go crazy if I don't start feeling better soon. I hate being sick. Just a total waste of my time. I make this same rant every time I get sick so I'll can it and talk about more interesting things.

Yesterday M and I welcomed a new addition to our home. One I think will both improve our lives and ensure that this period for creative retardation contiunes for a good long time. We have welcomed an ExpressVu Satellite dish to our family. Which basically ensures that we will never communicate ever again. When we lived in an open concept apartment in Prague, with dail-up Internet, 5 channels of Czech language programming, a dvd player and a mono TV, we did some pretty serious bonding. I also read a lot more. Now that we have this home with wireless Internet, offices at opposite ends of the house, hundreds of stations of English programming and over 1500 CDs to rip onto our computers/ipod it's amazing we ever see each other. I guess sleeping in the same bed helps. I love our life here. Despite my kidding around, we still spend most of our time together and I don't have to watch "Walker: Texas Ranger" dubbed into Czech. It's win:win all around. I guess what I'm saying is, life is good because in the 24 hours we've had satellite TV we've seen 2 episodes of MTV: Cribs. All is right with the world.

Another thing that has come up with our new found access to visual media is that I can finally say, based on my own opinions, what total crap CNN is. In fact, I'd like to lump in most of the press with that estimation. I don't know if it's a symptom of age and my will breaking to the unending onslaught of negative jading bullshit or if the world is actually going to hell in a handbasket. I figure the world has always been a huge disaster but I've been in my little idealistic bubble. As I've grown up, I've always intended to do my best to make things right. When I leave theory and idealism behind and face the realities of getting things done, it's crushing, defeating and almost enough to make me give up on it all. Guess I'm having a Dominique day.

I can accept anything, except what seems to be the easiest for most people: the half-way, the almost, the just-about, the in- between."

Perhaps my idealism and optimism will return when my health is restored.

HRH