Evil beast of sleeplessness I cast thee out

Why is it on nights when you just positively, absolutely, "oh my god this week is fucking going to kill me", must sleep you lie there wide awake like a 5-year-old on Xmas eve. I try to think sleepy thoughts, but end up thinking far too much to rest. I try to look out the window at the beautiful snowflakes falling and try to trick myself into fatigue with the sheer serenity of it all. I have a staring contest with my cat and my competitive side kicks in and I'm no more tired than when I started. Why can't brains come with "off" switches?

I'd say I have a lot on my mind, but that would be misleading. I have some on my mind. I'm trying to get the guts together to find a new doctor. My current doctor lives in the K, so continuing to see him would be very impractical. He is the only doctor I've ever had. The man delivered me. What doctor can possibly compare to a life-long doctor-patient relationship? In the great scheme of life, maybe not the biggest of deals, but it's on my sleepless mind.

Another thing I'm twisting around in my head is dancing. I'm at the point where I can choose to invest more money in belly dancing classes or I can just move on with my life. I've made no secret of the fact that it had been a very disappointing fall in terms of my dancing development. While others who'd started the art at the same time as I did were performing in public and continuing to feel the love, I was having to re-learn it all, feeling less and less inclined to dance outside of the classroom and positively bright green with envy. Maybe I was good at it before, but I'm not good at it now. The only thing that I've shown any promise in has been working with canes and swords. And if not for the fun I have while dancing with them, I wouldn't even be debating this. Tania has suggested that I find another school, but I'm not sure if that will make any difference. There's also the reality that classes are expensive (like $17 a class). I could put that money towards many other things like food, clothes, make-up or a gym membership so that I can work on reversing my knee issues. It's a hard call to make.

Sigh. Five hours until my alarm goes off. Good thing I'm only grousing about the minutiae in my life rather than my existential dilemmas of late. If I think about those too much, I'd never sleep again.

HRH