To debt or not to debt? That is the question.

As the date of my return to Canada draws ever nearer, I've been doing some homework planning the next phase of my life. Which means I've been doing a lot of research concerning the merits of make-up school. My options seem to be in Toronto and Vancouver. Both lovely places to further your education. While there are a plethora of places I could go in the US, the finance issues are simply too overwhelming. That is unless some anonymous benefactor wants to give me $50,000 USD to study at Empire. I would be totally okay with that.

Donors aside, make-up school is going to cost a chunk of dough. Toronto is the most expensive Canadian option I've found thus far. Somehow 6 months of training is going to cost me more than half of what my undergrad degree (living expenses included) cost. It's just a little insane and I was lucky enough to be debt free after my undergrad. But it seems to be what the next step is. Either that or find someone to apprentice with. The bottom is that it's going to put me out about $30,000 for six months. That includes tuition, my kit (I get a little dizzy with excitement when I imagine what would be in a kit worth over $2,500 of products and tools) and what I've generously calculated to be my living expenses in Vancouver or Toronto. Is this dream worth putting myself in that much debt?

Sure if you're really good at it and you're established you can pull down as much as $1000 CAD a day on a film set, but it takes years to get to that point and you're not always on a film set. I would be looking at several years of poor, making my name on indie and student films, working for a cosmetics company (which wouldn't be all bad), while many of my peers would be doing that house-buying, baby-making, RRSP-investing adult thing.

Ohhh debt is scary. But it's going to have to be that way I guess. I'm going to be good at this. I just have to accept that I won't be debt free again until I'm 31, or older. God imagine if I wanted to get a house? Is it normal to have a tight chest and feel light headed when you're thinking about debt?

HRH

Insomnia

It's the middle of the night and I'm wide awake. What's worse? My connection to the Internet is just crawlingly slow. How much Internet traffic can there be at 4:30 a.m. in Prague? After two weeks of this irregular sleep I have to honestly say I'm all funned out with this.

HRH

How did I end up watching this?

Something I discovered thanks to the other nerds at a Star Wars site. The perfect thing if you're in the mood for watching demonic kittens playing punk on someone's ping-pong table. You can find that here. Another thing you may want to check out (with headphones on... in fact I recommend them for everything on this site) is Buffy's swearing keyboard. It's beyond juvinile, but my god, it had me laughing. Made me think of something the GW boys would have loved to have had in the office.

Back to cursing.

HRH

The results are in

One of the things M brought back for me from NYC was the much raved about Revlon Lash Tint. The deal with this new product is that it is supposed to keep your eyelashes darkened for 3 days straight. Lazy girls all over the world can rejoice. So Monday morning I put some on, following the instructions diligently, cause I'm like that. It kind-of darkened my lashes. When you already have dark brown eyelashes there's only so much a tint can do. However, I can imagine for those with light lashes or even *gasp* blond lashes, this product is a miracle in a tube. Also to be fair to the tint, I've been wearing Flextencils for 5 or 6 months now (maybe more) so I've been spoiled by super-long, curly lashes every day.

Lash tint doesn't lengthen, but it also doesn't budge. In 3 days, I've only seen the smallest flake or two appear on my eye make-up removing pad each evening. Of course, I'm slightly apprehensive about removing it tonight as it calls for an oil-based make-up remover. I may have made things worse by caving in today and putting Flextencils over it this morning. Things may get ugly tonight.

Anyway, my verdict. A brilliant idea for when you have to go camping or something outdoors-y and want to look cute, but don't want to look shallow and be ridiculed for bringing make-up when you're camping. Now you can look cute and "claim" it's all "natural." Mwa ha ha ha.

HRH

Bounty-liscious

I'm not going to stress about spelling the title of this blog right as it's not even a word. Also, this is my second pass at it as I my first pass at this entry was a casualty in a fight against pop-ups.

The gist of this blog is that I have a totally amazing boyfriend. Some men would return from a week's vacation with ill advised gifts. Chocolates that would make you break your diet, a cute -yet tacky and wholly inappropriate- "I love NY" T-Shirt or maybe a glass unicorn or something like that. Not my man I tell you. Further proof that M is totally the shit, he came back to me with cosmetics. There are not words for how much I adore him for this.

The first thing I have to mention is this incredible Benefit Dandelion blusher and all around face beautifying product. Cool colour, cool packaging and it smells sooo good. Further proving his shopping might M bought me Nars Blush in Orgasm. Not many girls can say their boyfriends brought them an orgasm back from NYC.

But it doesn't stop there! I also got more of my blessed "Drying Lotion" and a Lip Treatment to boot.

He then totally out did himself and went to Kheil's and proved his total guy wisdom and got me a mixed travel pack of skin care products (he also sent me an sms cursing me for sending him there as they've got one heck of a good men's section). My new travel bag includes: Moisturizer-with sunscreen of course, Eye Cream, Masques, Lip Blam and some Creme de Crops. A wonderful haul if you ask me.

And as if all of that weren't enough, he also got the new Umberto Eco book for me. I am SO lucky and SO spoiled. Yay M.

HRH

So were the Oscars good?

When I woke up this morning, mere hours after the show had ended I went online and smiled. My CZJ won an Oscar. Sometimes the people I want to win actually win. And Nicole got best actress. Yay for that. I kept on reading and had a hearty laugh. Eminem won an Oscar. I actually think that's totally wonderful. Not that I'm a huge fan of his work, but I think it's great that a rap song has finally won best song. And frankly "Lose yourself" is a great song. So good on ya' Em.

Even better news... people booed Michael Moore.

While the notion of watching the Oscars was a nice idea, it wasn't appealing enough to get me out of bed to do so. The only thing that would have gotten me excited would have been Yoda and Gollum presenting the award for best CGI... That would have been sweet.

HRH

Reunited

In about an hour I will make my way to Prague's Ruzyne airport to pick up my beloved M. Delayed by Czech Airlines halting all flights to and from NYC, M will be returning to me 10 hours later than expected, via exotic Belgium. Regardless, I hope the last leg of his trip goes well. I'm pleased with how well I've done on my own, seeing The Ring aside, but I'm happy that he's coming home so I' don't have to sleep with the light on anymore. Yes, I am 26...

HRH

Of hangovers

If you read yesterday's post, you saw that I planned to spend a good part of last night drinking. Friends and loved ones know that I'm not really much of a drinker. If I were (was. Sigh my grammar blows on a good day) a drinker I would know what to mix and what not to mix. 3 glasses of sekt, 2 glasses of baileys and a Metropolitan. "Stupid Chel. Real stupid." I try to be wise and be kind to my body. The worst things I do to it is make it digest Salt and Vinegar chips and a lot of sugar. We've got a pretty good relationship going on. I feed it with healthy yummy food and it stays in good shape and gives me lots of energy. So last night when my alcohol headache came on after the second glass of sekt, I really should have listened.

"Chelsea! This is your body. I don't like alcohol. I don't like the taste and I don't like what it's doing to my organs. You know this, yet you're drinking anyway. Don't you know you're poisioning me? I'm going to express my dissatisfaction with a pounding headache. Oh, I see. You're going to try and silence me with 3 Advil chased with champange? You know you're just one step away from becoming Liza Minelli with that crap.I'm going to mess with your appitite for the next 24 hours for that."

Imagine me as Smegol... "I'm not listening!"

And my body was right. And today I hurt. It's almost 5:30 and my head is still killing me. I did, however, manage to straighten Tania's hair this morning with remarkable results and make French Toast for my guests. I tried watching Moulin Rouge (stopping it at chapter 33 to give it a happy ending -- Kennedy or Willow was wrong) but that didn't make me feel much better as my headache seemed to swell everytime I saw a glass of absinthe.

My current pain aside, the sleepover went very well. I discovered the joys of bright pink eyeshadow and black eyeliner, and the girls (short one Scotswoman because she had to take her kitten in to be fixed) and I rediscovered the joys of the Spice Girls. That was a fit of silliness to behold.

OK back to my pain.

HRH

Estrogen overload or The Commonwealth party

Take two Canadians, one English woman and a Scots-woman (Scottish woman? Take your pick grammar freaks). Add a great deal of make-up, booze, crisps and the new Snoop Dog album. Let sit for several hours, peppering with conversation about men, sex, belly dancing and clothes. Once ready let said four fairly drunk, dolled-up, beautiful, free-of-their-boyfriends-for-one-night women out for a couple of Don Pedros and Bellmonts at Alcohol Bar.

It's going to be a fun sleepover.

HRH

Bombs over Baghdad

I actually tried to get those three words in that order into an article I wrote about 3 weeks ago. It was actually relevant, but my editor changed the wording, so I was denied a chance to have the title of an Outkast song in print. Great song too.

It's interesting. I'm geographically closer to the war in Iraq, yet I don't feel as connected to it as people in North America are. We've known this was coming for months and months. We've known that it will mean deaths on both sides and we've hoped that it will come to a quick and positive close with the end of Hussein's dictatorship, stabilzation of the region and the beginnings of democracy. I'm with Wendy, I can't wait to see the rebuilding and the creation of a new state. However, I am also interested in how the Allies will get to this point. I was 13 during the first gulf war and I can't really say that I grasped how it all happened.

I spent 90 mintues yesterday giving a lecture on Canada and what a gosh darn wonderful place it is. I was full of pride and really missing home. Then as I spoke with a Canadian on the phone last night about Canada' s position and she said very casually in reference to the US "We think they're all cowboys" I felt my heart sink a little. Do Canadians really think that?

JC has said all along that Canada would support the Allies if the UN approved it. Meaning that, at least in some way, the government thought there was reason enough to go to war. Otherwise they would have said from the get go "We think this is wrong... we will have no part of it." But they didn't say that. They said they'd support if the UN (an organization I have little love for, great for gathering stats mind you) sanctioned it. So we change what we believe to be right and wrong because the UN can't be effective? It doesn't seem right to me.

HRH

Countdown to madness

I haven't been sleeping well. The previous three nights I think I've had an average of 4 hours a night. Last night I think I slept for 2 hours at the most and now I think I'm starting to see things. I haven't seen Tyler Durden or anything, but I'm just not all together here. It's a really interesting way to look at the world. Priorities are slightly different and everyone seems to be talking though a curtain of cotton.

I just have to teach one more 45 mintue class and I can crash... if I can crash. It's not like I haven't been sleeping out of spite. ER suggested that I exercise, but I don't think I have the coordination to walk down the street without endangering the general public let alone doing yoga or something that would work up a sweat.

Ohh pretty colours...

HRH

The Cheeky Song (Touch My Bum)

While I was hanging the laundry this evening I heard the most horrifying thing on the radio, and it has it's own dance. There are no words to describe this evil.

HRH

Seven Days

Is there a reason why I do this to myself. Everytime I'm separated from M for more than a day or so I do it. I go and see a movie that scares the ever living crap out of me. And I did I again, just hours ago. The culprit this time was The Ring, which has jsut recently made it's way to Prague. I think I can actualy say that I saw most of the movie, though I did spend at least a third of it hiding under my coat. I only screamed out loud once. I think I'm getting better.

In an effort to hopefully get to sleep tonight, I spent the last hour or so dancing around the apartment listening to a variety of hip-hop CDs. It seems to have worked for the time being, though I may have to turn the TV away from me while I sleep tonight. Good God!

I came to a realization about scary movies tonight. One of my movie companions made commented that he wasn't really scared by the movie because it couldn't possibly be real. Movies with axe-murderers and things like The Blair Witch Project scared him a great deal, but The Ring didn't really bother him. And it occured to me that while I don't really love slasher flicks they don't really scare me that much. If it's something being caused by a person then it doesn't scare me. I guess in my head I know that if I was faced with an axe murderer, I might have a chance as I know that he/she is also human and is subject to the same laws of physics. It's like I can understand my enemy better, and thus have a better chance of surviving. When I see a movie where the scary thing is supernatural, then I'm fecking scared. These things don't adhere to anything I'm familiar with, so should it come down to a battle between us, I'm screwed. I wonder if other people size up the bad guy while they're watching movies?

There's also the theory that why would reality scare me when I clearly have NO idea what that is?

HRH

How I'm spending my time

-Fighting the urge to crash with as much natural sugar as I can get my not really cute or little hands on.

-Filling in the Svatky dates for my friends and family in my Clie. Svatky are Czech name days. On your name day you usually get a small present. So you're all getting presents this year. The only ones who miss out on svatek action seem to be me, my father, Dawn and Carly. Dawn and my Dad are totally without a chance as they can't even use middle names to get a name day. I have assumed the name day of Anna for mine.

-Lunching with Klara.

-Trying to find out what the Czech translation of the name James is. (Presently all the Czech's I've asked believe it to be Jakub, which makes me wonder what the translation of Jacob is...). Why? Just becasue I care.

-Listening to a lot of Incubus.

-Giggling that the fact that there's actually a Czech name "Blahoslav." I'm sorry to be disrespectful, but that's just funny.

-Marvelling at how totally uninspiring the trailers I saw before last night's movie were. While I've heard many good things about Punch Drunk Love and I would like to see if Adam Sandler can pull off a more serious role, I don't think I will see it as I appear to be developing an allergy to Phillip Seymour Hoffman. Esp. when he's yelling.

-Eating a great many grapes. Am afraid I may start sweating Welch's.

-Wondering why Jay seems to be doing a year in review in March. Totally interesting stuff and I'm always interested in what my friends are into, but it just struck me as a little tardy. However, I think I see why he's waited so long. With time comes perspective and you're freed from the danger evaluating things too close to the source.

-Hoping that I'll be able to get through the 4 hours of teaching I have tonight on the 3 hours of sleep I got last night.

HRH

Headspace...alive and painless
Wightless and almost sane
I close my eyes. I become the sky
Headspace... alone and shameless
Can't wait to find the faces
I left behind in a troubled time
Back home.

I bet one spinach salad with duck that Tash is the first one to identify where that title comes from. (That is, unless M reads this post first).

In M's absence I've been listening to a lot of music I don't normally touch. The above lyric is from a band enjoyed by both of us (even though I was knocked unconcious while hearing it live for the first time -- mosh pits = never a good idea), so it doesn't really count. I just wanted to include it in this post because it makes me think of home and heck, it's a damn good song. Also it seemed kind of relvant with the whole "troubled time" line, what with a potential war being declared tomorrow and a deadly flu virus hitting Canada and Asia. Anyway, back to the music.

M and I are usually on the same page or at least in the same chapter when it comes to music we like. I will NEVER get the whole Lo-Fi thing, just like he'll always be a little bit troubled by my affection of Southern Fried Rock (that's a genre, not a band) and Hall & Oates (that's a band, not a genre), but music is part of what brought us together and it's a shared passion.

So while he's gone I can indulge in some musical sins. Today I listened to a whole lot of Fleetwood Mac today without ridicule. Which was nice. Then I made my way through some Wham! and some Billy Joel. I plan on putting on some of The Band and maybe some Doobie Brothers a little later. There can be upsides to being alone for a little while. Not many, but there are a couple. I'd still rather be listening to Trent, Tori or Barry with my man.

HRH

Surreal things to listen to while you're grocery shopping

This afternoon I decided to kill some time, while doing something I needed to do anyway. I was a lovely day, so I walked to Tesco and did some pick up shopping. It's very rare that I'm outside walking and I'm not listening to my Mini Disc player. Somehow, the crowds and the ovewhleming aspects of the city are easier to phase out when you're listening to music. Also, it passes the journey in a fairly pleasant fashion.

I was listening to what I have named my "Winter Mix", which has everything from excerpts from the Fellowship of the Ring soundtrack and Once More With Feeling to The Prodigy and early Madonna. I'm an eclectic kind of music fan. Normally, I don't really make a connection between what I'm listening to and where I am, but today I just couldn't help noticing that the combination of what I heard and where I was was just a little surreal.

As I was standing in line for cheese at the aptly named cheese counter, I realized that it was a little strange to be looking at all the Ediam and Gouda cheese to the angsty sounds of Nine Inch Nails. In fact, it was downright weird. Not so weird that I skipped the song of course. The next feeling of "I bet the composer did not intend this song to be heard in this venue" happened in the fruit section and on my way towards the jams. I love soundtracks, and usually the feature heavily on my mixes. After Nine Inch Nails, I was listening to some Angleo Badlamenti (I can never spell that man's name), namely "Audrey's Dance" form the Twin Peaks soundtrack. I'm certain it was not meant for supermarket consumption, but none the less it made the shopping experience a little more entertaining. I started to imagine what little things would have to change to make my journey though the bowels of Tesco odd in that Lynchian way. Visualizing the stock boys dancing like the little dream man, a giant Llama around the next corner , all the patrons wearing just a touch more plaid or the store being filled with G-men, it made shopping really fun and for the first time that I can remember I connected my actual surroundings with my music.

I think next time I will bring the theme to The Muppet Show and see what that produces.

HRH

"Control! Control! You must learn control."

First off, technology is awsome. At about 10:30 last night I started smsing with my boyfriend who's several thousands of kilometers away. Having landed safely, M sent me some brief details of his trip and some descriptions of his travels through NYC. "I'm totally riding through a hip-hop video." Being able to send him text messages (as the New Worlders call them) makes me feel better about being alone. Not great, but much better.

Last night I had a chance to see if this make-up artist thing has some potential or if it's a flight of fancy. Klara had Tania and I over for some dinner, sugar-free desert, non-sugar-free desert and a beauty bonanza. Not only did they both let me do their make-up, but Tania let me straighten her hair and give her a almost salon worthy blowout (would have been perfect witht the friz-ease I think). And I think I did a good job. It's hard to tell when you're doing things for friends, as they can't really look at you and say "Well thanks, but that was crap." However there are other clues to knowing if someone is truly happy with the look you've given them.

My first clue that Klara liked her glamorous look was that she danced a little when the looked at herself in the mirror. Tania seemed to like the cute and fresh look because she gasped in a good way when she saw herself. My final clue to the fact that they liked it was that the both made product lists -- another two people I have converted to Lancome Flextencils. I think they both looked great, and I had so much fun doing it. So much so that I stay up past 2 a.m. to do it all (as many of you know I am no good at staying up late), and didn't feel the slightest bit tired until I stopped. Granted I think Klara's boyfriend Will was quite overhwhlemed to come home at 2 a.m. from a night out with his mates to see his kitchen overrun with cosmetics. He took it as well as any drunk man can, looking at all the stuff in disbelief and saying "Can I go to bed now?"

I need more practice and I need more products (I really do!) but I think I'm good at this. The only face I wasn't happy with last night was mine. I decided to give myself a smoky eye look, getting back in touch with my wonderful MAC Marz eyeshadow (it's a sultry shade of purple). However, as soon as I started putting dark make-up around my eyes, the inner-goth took over and there was dark eyeliner everywhere. At least I didn't turn anyone else into a highschool flashback..

Another cool thing about last night was playing with Will's daughter Anna, age 7. One of the few people I have been able to have a decent conversation with concerning the merits of Episode II. Anna was kind enough to tell me the destiny of 3 of my ex-boyfriends, and my current one (M: Looks that that comic thing is a good idea.). It seems that a couple of my exes will be marrying Anna's cat Gromit. Doesn't really come as a shock to me.

HRH

Throw your hands up at me...

In less than 24 hours my beloved M will be leaving me for a week (how's that for an example of the future perfect). And it's got me a little freaked out. Not in that boyfriend-off-the-leash kind of way, but in the home-totally-by-yourself kind of way. It seems that it has come time for me a eat some crow. Every time I went back to Canada on my own to visit family and friends, I was conivnced that it would be good for M to have some time by himself as he's always lived with people and never on his own. And he was always okay (not too okay with my being away, but you see where I'm going with this.). Now that I'm facing being on my own for the first time in more than 4 years, I'm just a little, I don't know, worried. I was always under the impression that I was super-strong-individual-girl, and rather proud of my independent streak and how I just "didn't need anyone." Exactly who did I think I was kidding with that 'tude. After some analysis and just plain opening my eyes, it appears that I'm not particularly independent at all. Don't I feel sheepish.

I used to live by myself. In fact I did for almost 2 years. Living by myself 7 minutes drive from my parents house, a 2 minute walk to my father's office, going to school at the University beside the hospital my mother works at and a 5 to 10 minute walk to the homes of my dearest friends (some I've known since I was 3). Yeah, I had totally broken out of the nest. Also a year and a half of that was "living by yourself while dating a guitar player", so not really living by yourself at all, but having all the financial responsibilites and having to clean up after every time he dyed his hair some exciting colour. So in truth, I've lived on my own for about 6 months. 6 months that I clung to Mike and all of my GW buddies. I may have to sit out the dance the next time they play "Independent Women."

I guess I'm anxious because I've never been alone in Prague. While I have a couple of people I can depend on should I get myself into a jam, I'm afraid I'm going to turn into Sticky McKlingerson and make those people really irritated with me. Up to now, I've been pretty proud of how I've left home and made a life for myself here. But the whole time I've had M to fall back on if I needed to. It doesn't undermine what I've accomplished, but it's a little jitter-inducing. I don't think I'm one of those irritatingly dependent types. I think there's just a lot of give and take going on with people that I have relationships with and when that dynamic changes for a little while, it creates a pause for some relefection. I guess it's time to get on the wire without a net and perhaps say to myself "hey silly, it's a week. No big.", then listen to a whole lot of Destiny's Child. "Ladies it isn't easy being independent..."

HRH

Wisdom and questions that cross my mind from time to time

-In the Star Wars saga, how it is possible that Anakin has no knoweldge of Leia? The guy could sense a bunch of assassin worms in the next room, wouldn't he also be aware of his wife (someone I imagine he's pretty in tune to by this point) carrying two babies? Of course this can all be solved by Anakin and Padme being separated during her pregancy in episode III, but I seem to recall he falls into the pit of evil or acid or whatever it's going to be, when she's already very pregnant (I remember this from a Offical Star Wars screen saver... oh I AM a nerd).

-Why do I waste so much of my day reading gossip columns and then mock them so cruelly in general conversation? Consistency here people. Addendum -- Will I ever totally understand what Ted Casablanca is saying when I read "The Awful Truth"? It's like a code I'll never crack.

-Pop ups. Do they really think they work?

-I am really sick of people calling my office and hanging up on me because I don't speak Czech. I do understand "I'm sorry" or "Pardon." Fear of embarassment does not excuse bad manners.

-Is there some reason why I'm not allowed to have cheekbones? The perils of the oval face.

-Slapping your computer hurts you more than it hurts the computer.

-Why can't you have the guest room on the main floor? It's MY dream house dagnabbit.

-Google's aquisition of Blogger has not improved much, but made everything a lot slower. And does IE 5 for Mac work with anything?

-Is it healthy that I'm saddened by the possibility of Jennifer Aniston and Brad Pitt splitting up?

-And why is it always the nail on my middle finger that breaks first?

HRH

Fretting

It took me a long time to fall asleep last night. A good bit of it was worry based. The job hunt isn't going so well. While I haven't started to doubt my inherent greatness, I'm getting a little downhearted. It's also tough because there seems to be a lot more nay saying than yay saying. I know what the challenges are ahead of me. I know how hard it can be, but I'm trying to be positive and I'm determined to continue to believe in myself. My friends have been beyond fantastic sending me all kinds of ideas and support. A huge thank you to my cheerleaders Laura, Kari and Wendy among others.

Whine, whine, whine. I know. It's just scary. I have a job here, but I don't want to be here. In fact I keep being offered new jobs here, but I don't want to stay. And where I want to be, I don't have a job. It's never right is it?

In other news I think I've designed my dream house. You know, the one I'll never be able to have because I'll be working a low-paying, soul-sucking, joyless job for the rest of my mediocre and insignificant life. It's small, but pretty. Lots of stone and trees. Maybe I'll be able to afford it some day. Not having kids and cutting down on carbs has to save money somewhere. Yes, I know if I didn't spend so much on make-up I'd be that much closer to a home. We all have our weaknesses... you do too.

Oh, and I forgot to mention, I was finally able to write the beauty article that I've been jonesing to write since I started this whole "Journalist" thing. You can check it out .

HRH

Speak and be heard

Well, I did it. I got comments back. There's still some teaking to be done in order to match the comments box to my template, but all things in due time I think. All in all it's fairly inoffensive and we can all be interactive. Isn't that keen?

HRH

Best Headline Ever

For about 8 years I have been waiting to look at the morning news and see this headline: Drug can limit peanut allergy, easing fear. Okay, maybe not what I was dreaming of word for word, but you get the idea. This doesn't mean that I'll be able to eat "Reese's Pieces" again (god I miss those... I think), but it does mean that I will no longer be dining in fear. Or that M won't be able to scold me for forgetting to carry my Epipen with me everywhere I go (I'm much better than I used to be). Even better I'll be able to kiss him after he eats Thai food.

I haven't had to worry about the deaded nut so much in Prague, as peanut butter and peanut oil are expensive and unpopular. I've become very relaxed in my attitude towards dining. And I'm pretty luckly, I've never gone into anaphylactic shock. The worst have been rashes, vomiting and some very tight throated moments. Some people with peanut allergies have it much worse. Granted the allergie gives us all one cool superpower. We can smell and taste a peanut like you wouldn't believe. I'm so paranoid about it that I even get a bit jumpy with sunflower oil.

One of the few things I'm not looking forward to about moving back to the new world is the proliference of peanuts. I end up taking really dumb risks because I don't want to be trouble. It's silly. Say I go to one of those "family" places where the bar has peanuts all over the floor. Instead of asking that we go somewhere else, I always sit there a little nervous. Dumb girl I know.

But this new drug could be the answer to my prayers. Sure, I won't be able to eat a whole peanut, but I will be able to eat things that "may contain traces" or try a more exciting icec cream flavour. Unless you have the allergy, you really have no idea how pervasive peanuts can be and how much they limit your diet.

Now I just need the 10,000 USD a year to pay for the shots.

HRH

Colour of Personalities

While I was teaching today I had an opportunity to give myself a personality test. Apparently the good people at Longman think that delving into your psyche is a good tool for learning the English language. At least it may explain the Western facination with anaylists. It was an interesting lesson where as I taught I learned that the colour red makes you hungry, while the colour orange makes you think that time is passing quickly making you want to hurry (I never found this to be true in film labs -- for some cruel reason the walls were painted orange -- where time just seemed to come to an absolute halt), apparently this has some influence on how fast food joints are decorated.

So I did the Luscher Colour test (the Coles notes version I'm sure) and brought the test home and made M do it as well (any insight into the male psyche is a good thing). I'm sure Judy B. (should she read this blog) would know if it is anything close to a representation of who we are and what we feel. Regardless of validity, I did it. The test consists of looking at 8 different boxes of colour. You are instructed to write down in ascending order the colours you find most appealing. They make a note that you should not choose colours that "make you look good" or that are your personal favourites but that appeal to you that moment. The colours are chosen for their associations with physical and mental states.

MY RESULTS
1. Blue
2. Violet
3. Red
4. Brown
5. Green
6. Yellow*
7. Grey
8. Black

*It should be noted that the box of yellow on the page is somewhat unappealing as you can see text from the other side of the page through the colour, making it look kind of muddy. I originally had yellow in the 8th position, but then tired to imagine the box without the text coming through and found it more appealing.

What it all means

BLUE
"Blue represents calmness and loyalty. A person who favours blue is sensitive and easily hurt. You never panic (Ha!) and are in total control of your life (Ha! Ha!) and are content with the way it is going. You desire to lead an uncomplicated and worry-free life and are prepared to sacrifice certain goals in order to achieve this. You need a stable relationship without conflict. The later blue appears in the sequence, the more unsatisfied you are."

VIOLET
A mixture of red and blue., violet represents a conflict between impulsiveness and calm sensitivity, dominance and sumissiveness. The person who prefers violet wants to find a mystical, magical relationship. Both mentally and physically immature, you are stuck ina dream world of wishful thinking and fantasy. Often violet is chosen by adolescents who still see the world through fairy-tale systs. When violet appears in the latter part of the sequence, it indicated that the person choosing it is more mature and has outgrown the "fantasy" vision of life, confronting the harsh reality head-on."

Why would anyone want to outgrow the fantasy version of life? They talk about it like it's a good thing to do... sheesh.

RED
"Red represents passion and energy. Red in the first position means you are implusive, sexy and have a will to win. You are a good leader. You want to expand your horizons and live life to the fullest. Red int he seventh or eighth postition means that you desire for life and thirst for adventure have become less."

BROWN
"Brown is the colour of physical well-being and is an indication or how healthy you think you are. If you put brown in the fourth or fifth place you are not very concerned about your health and body. This means that you are probably in good shape. Those worried about illness tend to put brown earlier in their sequence."

GREEN
"Green represents firmness and resistance to change. In first place, you are persistent, possessive and quite selfish. You are a high-achiever and an accumulator of 'things." You want to be recognized and need to impress but worry about the prospect of failure. If green is a later choice, your ego has been bruised and you have been have been humbled by the resistance to your progress. Consequently you can be highly critical, sarcastic and stubborn."

YELLOW
"Yellow represents happiness and relaxation. Anyone who chooses yellow in second, third or fourth position is a positive, optimistic person who always looks to the future - never backwards. You find life easy, and problems simly do not exist for you. Yellow in the first position means that you are ambitious and eager to please. When yellow is in the later part of the spectrum you have had your hopes and dreams dashed and you feel isolated and disappointed, often becoming defensive and withdrawn."

GREY
"Grey is a neutral colour and respresents a point between two conflicting motivations. Grey in the first position means that you want to shut yourself off from everything and remain uncommitted, so that you can swing with opinion and emotions. You hate joining anything with "group" connotations and are an observer rather than a doer. Those who choose grey in the eighth position seek to join in with everything, eager and enthusiastic."

BLACK
"Black is the negation of colour and means "No." Anyone who chooses it in the first position (which is very rare) is in revolt against their fate. Chosen second, it means you are prepared to give up everything else to achieve what you want. It is normally put in seventh or eighth place, representing control of one's desitiny and a balanced outlook."

HRH

Chelsea vs. Indian Food: Chelsea - 0, Indian Food - 1

When I was growing up, I didn't really eat much "international" food. My family stuck pretty closely to its Scottish roots. Which meant meat, potatoes and the occiasional custard. When I hooked up with M, I decided to embrace all the foods I'd never tried before. This has been a generally good idea as I've come to love Sushi, Middle Eastern Food and peanut-less Thai food. I have, however learned that I have no love for Chinese food.

My latest foray into international cusine has been Indian food. The last 3 times I've eaten it, I've had a tastey good time. Granted it has all been from the same place, but good none the less. On Saturday night I broke with tradition and had Indian food at a new place. The Samosas were good and the Mango shakes yummy. The fish curry, a bit hot, but my body showed no objections early on. However about 2 hours later I was consumed by what felt like all my internal organs in one brutal cramp... that lasted about 3 hours. While I may have whined about the pain that was Hector (a food posioning incident that left me hospitalized), this kicked his ass to Sunday and back.

Luckily, by about 3 o'clock yesterday afternoon all pain associated with dinner had left my system, leaving me to sleep for several hours. I have to say that Indian food may not be my friend for quite some time.

HRH

A bit of a wrinkle

First have a look at this article, sigh, from the National Post. I'm trying to sort out what bothers me the most about the biometric card program. There are all the privacy issues of having my location tracked by a biometric card. I know the technology is only meant to confirm that I am in fact who I claim to be, but that confirmation has to be done via computer... and there's no way those scanning computers aren't taking notes (wow I sound paranoid). Also, I really dispise that I will have to get a biometric ID card of some sort in order to enter the USA after October of 2004. Kari and Wendy, if you want me to visit you after 2004 (assuming I don't live state-side and have had to swallow these new regulations in order to work), you'd better make me lots of brownies.

Have I been kidding myself about how much has changed since I left?

HRH

The defences will hold

This post has nothing to do with the war. It's about the fact that yesterday I saw The Two Towers for the fourth time. Still loved it. And I had no hostility towards Eowyn whatsoever. The demons have been appeased and I am much less of an irrational hater of characters in flims. Let's all take a moment an applaud my big step.

In other news, best girlfriend Laura sent me a link to a group I fear I have to join. The Lip Balm Anonymous homepage is the place to start your recovery when you're trying to separate yourself from that tub of blistex or stick of labello (Laura reports that Labello has started to offer a stick with a bit of shimmer. Oohhhhh. It's hard for me to know what I want more: this lip blam, :-), or that Revlon 3 day lash tint.) If you find yourself clinging to your lip blam as though it were the one ring (I may have been caught calling my L'Occitane Wild Rose "precious" from time to time...) you should visit this site and start getting the help that you need.

Just don't try an intervention with me. I'm beyond help. I am bound to the blam, but you may be able to save yourselves.

So beautiful, so bright, so moisturizing...

HRH

I love to laugh... ha, ha, ha... loud and long and clear

I've been trying to laugh more. It seems to be making me feel better. I wasn't feeling really badly before, but the laughing has been making me feel good and that's never a bad thing. All those natural happy drugs coarsing through my brain. Horray for dopamine!

Laughing is something that everyone can benefit from. What else can you do when it seems like the world around you is going ass over elbow but laugh. So here are my instructions for everyone today. Check out the blimp story. (You can also find it from M's blog, as he blogged about it first) Then be a little silly today. My dose of silly came from a chance meeting with my friend Tania who helped me decipher one of my more troubling nightmares with the comment "Think of it like when they cut off your pet beaver's tail , it was a symbol for someone preventing you from being the productive, busy, capitalist little beaver that you are." (I have some messed up dreams, like the other night I had a nightmare where the Ringwraiths drowned my cat...) Her analysis has now inspired me to coin a new phrase when dealing with people who are holding you back from your goals "Don't try to cut off my tail." It may not be as legendary as "Not my pants" but I think it has potential.

So take something that troubles you can turn it into a bite of personal philosophy. Wear a brown belt with black shoes (so long as it's clear that you're not trying to match them -- Thank you Lucky Magazine, my new shopping bible, and Wendy my "Lucky source" -- have desert, listen to some disco, sing along to every song you hear in the style of Johnny Cash (works really well with older Britney Spears), imagine that everyone else on your morning commute is just a second away from bursting into song, walk through your office as though you're a ninja, greet all of your friends with your favourite animals noise, whatever. Just give yourself a break and try not to take it all so seriously.

HRH

Old News

I'm listening to this diva's mix that M is going to have to review in the near future while I'm writing as it's got a good beat and helps me concentrate (who know's why). But I just have to say that the Christina Aguilera song "Dirrty" totally sucks ass. I can only listen to a quarter of it until I feel like I'm going to catch some disease through my ears.

HRH

Update: For entirely different reasons, my ears (or more accurately, my earlobes) bled yesterday. I totally blame Christina.

Baker, Baker

That's right. She's back. Today I baked cookies. And hot damn they were good. Real oatmeal cookies. I'd forgotten how much I like baking (even though this was less than challenging) and how much I love having someone like my cookies so much he pulls me back towards him as I'm walking away with the plate so that he can get more.

HRH

Finally

After 2 months of running around in cirlces, having 3 rounds of elections, the Czech Parliment was FINALLY able to agree on a President. And running against recent results, the guy I wanted to win actually won. Yep, Vaclav Klaus is now the president of the Czech Republic, which may counteract the socialist government in the parliment. We'll see. Frankly, I have no predicitions, just relief that it's finally decided and that my guy won.

HRH

At least I'm not alone here

Melissa sent me a link to this article from Macleans. It's neat how a professional columnist can say some of what you're thinking SO much more eloquently than you can.

HRH