Mum to the rescue

When my mother got back from her carving course yesterday (my mum carves birds for fun and is great at it) she picked up on my crappy mood right away. She tried the usual techniques for cheering up a Chelsea. She tried to feed me and she checked to see if I'd gotten enough sleep. It's tested and true since I was born. If neither of those solutions work, it's time for retail therapy. So we went shopping yesterday. I came out of it with 2 pairs of cute shorts, a dress and a Tommy Hilfiger sweater you could just die for. In fact Mum and I were so impressed with it, we both left the store with one.

Despite my finds, I still felt like I was under a dark cloud. Actually, if you think about it, I really like rain, so a dark could would almost be a good thing, so let's change that metaphor ("You know what hurts the second most, Joan?") I felt like I'd been left in the desert sun with Johnny Cash's stylist. Things were not looking up, although I had some very cute shorts. I did some belly dancing, about an hour's worth, and that made me smile for sure. But as I was reading before bed the gloom came back. I'm reading this book called The Devil Wears Prada and it's the story of a young girl working as a personal assistant for a high powered fashion editor. I know it's supposed to be a book reflecting the evils of horrible bosses and the like, but all I could think while reading it was "suck it up bitch. Your boss is a demon, but I could so do you job a million times better than you are. At least you have a job, whiner."

I'm telling off fictional people in books now. Sigh.

Anyway, the weepys turned into a funk and stuck with me for most of today. Mum came back from her carving class and decided it was time to take another pass at retail. I think it scared her a little that the mall wasn't making me happy, but in fact sadder. So over dinner at a local eatery I let it all spill. All my frustrations and anxieties, disappointments and tidbits of self-loathing. I managed not to bawl, though I did have to dab at the eyes a little with a cute gingham napkin (it was a tex-mex place). The crux of my distress was this feeling that all the independence and self-confidence that I'd earned in Prague was gone. I'm stuck in a situation where I have no control, am totally dependent and am not producing anything of value.

Mum and I talked for a couple of hours and while my situation has not changed, I do feel better having expressed it all. It's good to know that what I'm feeling is normal and I'm not sliding into depression. My blues are dependent upon the situation I'm in, not on the person that I am. And that gives me hope. So thanks for all the words of encouragement guys. Mum pointed out that if I wasn't stressing out about my life, she'd really be worried about me.

Today's Sing-a-long song: "P.I.M.P. Remix" by 50 Cent featuring Snoop Dogg.

HRH