It's like blogger totally hates me

For a day now, I've been trying to post the post that is hopefully below. Pehaps my Karmic debt isn't paid off and I'm atoning for all my cruelty towards adolescent men with computer glitches.

HRH

I’m never alone up here
::Things that run through my head while I’m getting a massage::

"I didn’t know the Dali Lama has such a low voice. Dude, that guy can sing."
"Is it wrong that I’m finding the Buddhist chanting of the Dali Lama really soothing and comforting?"
"They’re nice sounds. It doesn’t mean you’ve become a mystic. Relax."
"Phew."

"If I suddenly had to leave the country tomorrow, would I be able to remember everything"…followed by a quick take or leave inventory of everything in the apartment
"Yes"

"I didn’t know that having your shoulder rubbed could be so painful and soothing at the same time."
"Would my masseuse understand, given the language barrier, or be uncomfortable with the fact that one of my most sensitive erogenous zones is on my back?"
"Best not to think about that."

"Am I an awful person for being so insensitive to Tony and Greg in high school and running over their feelings with the steam roller that was adolescent me?"
"Isn’t it true that everyone ends up hurting someone else’s feelings in the course of their life?"
"I’ve been steam rolled."
"Okay, the Karmic debt has been paid. And I don’t even hate the people who steam rolled my feelings."
"Why do boys take having their feelings hurt so much harder than girls do?"
"Don’t go there."
"Isn’t wasting time thinking about how you hurt someone, knowing full well that you wouldn’t do a thing differently if you were making those choices again, kind of circular and pointless? Wouldn’t that be the same as telling the people who hold irrational grudges against you that they are now just in their pettiness?"
"Right. Chilling out now."

"I wonder if my masseuse thinks I’m fat?"
"I’m sure she performs massage of some seriously fat people and doesn’t blink an eye. She’s a pro. And I’m not fat."

"I hope having my hair cut will relieve some of the stress on my neck. Hopefully the neck work won’t hurt as much this time."
"Ow. Guess not."

"Do I have enough cash on me to go to Joshua Tree for lunch and have that great spinach salad AND have enough money to pick up some groceries."
Math
"Yes. Chow down."

"What the hell am I going to get M for Christmas? He’s already bought one part of my present and I’ve got nothing. Not even a list or a plan."
"Don’t get him something that you’re not going to be able to live with yourself."
"So then monkey is off the list."

"It’s really nice in here."

HRH

Okay, so what am I doing here?

I'm having one of those days where I seem to space out a lot. Like when I become totally aware of where I am and what I'm doing I'm actually a little surprised. It's not like full on amnesia where I come to holding a knife, a Prada purse, the collected works of Barry Manilow and a slight ache in my arm, but more like sporadic space outs. Amnesia would actually be easier. If I spaced on someone while they were telling me something important, then I could at least say "Gosh, I'm sorry the amnesia kicked in again." But spacing out isn't really forgivable (at least for women), so I have to be creative and cover.

If this blog were live, there'd be a huge space here where I spaced out. I think I'd better go paint my nails and give up on my brain for today. Clearly the stimulating task of writing about the environmental repercussions of EU accession for a teen audience has taxed me more that I'd thought possible.

If you do dull things, does it follow that you will become dull yourself? And can you believe that the Blogger Pro spell checking dictionary doesn't actually have the word blog in it? See what you've done Wendy and Kari... you leave and I become the dullest thing ever born.

HRH

Leave it to Jay

James Pinkerton what have you done? For the non-GW readers of this blog, James is...well beyond definition. Intelligent, dark, insightful, genuine, a dab or two of self-loathing and has a sense of humour that helps me deal with the harshness of reality by standing back and having a long good laugh at it (and maybe peeing on it if there's been a lot of booze involved). James is great, lives too far away and I'm sure is feeling very uncomfortable with all the flattery I'm dishing out right now.

Anyway, James is a very gifted writer and has come up with a brilliant outlet for his talents. It's called The Trailer Trash. No, it's not a study in the cultural anthropology of our mutal hometown, but a site that reviews movie trailers. Jay found that he was tired of the hegemony of todays films and decided that the 3 mintue "music videos" that advertise them are ultimately more interesting. I'm inclined to agree, seeing as I went to film school to learn how to make music videos and action films, because art films are just boring and pretentious.

I'm tempted to put on my film school pants and talk about the notions of critically examining an ad for a film as opposed to the actual work. What does that say about our generation, our dwindling attention spans and childhoods full of visual stimuli like commercials. Have we come to a point where we can now evaluate the spliced and diced segments of a movie (that often don't even represent what it's about) on it's own standing, separate from the film? Of course we can. We already do. Ever been to Ad Critic?

Anyway, Jay is a talented writer and you'll enjoy reading him every Monday. So do it already.

HRH

Stupid Brain

"Chelsea, you've just finished an intense 30 minutes of belly dancing practice, after vaccuuming your house! Now that you've worked off all kinds of fat and calories, what are YOU going to do?"

"Why Bob, I'm going to sit down on the couch, read my book and negate all that hard work by eating a yummy bag of Chio Cheese Chips." (Chelsea smiles and holds up a bag of chips proudly.)

HRH

Say what

My anagrams....

HYAENA GLANCES
A CANE HAYS GLEN
ELEGANCY HAS AN
CANS ANGLE YEAH

HRH

Recent Querys

I can't begin to tell you how much I love this feature...

gas syphen
drinking game kung pow
if i ruled every store in the world
women use beauty products becuase for themselves
spaceball 1 images mel brooks
silver birch dishes
prague spa naked massage
i don't like british
arron sorkin

Weeee....
HRH

Ain't no mountain high enough...

I know I'm supposed to be breaking the laws of physics right now, but I'm just too happy to. I just had a meeting with our president, which is much like taking a trip to the ego inflation store. But this time, it wasn't only the president, it was also his wife, who is really interested in our little non-profit. There's a very special feeling that comes with having two absolutely charmin Texans telling you you're doing an amazing job over and over again.

No waiter, please don't take that plate away, I'm not quite finished my dish of happy.

This morning I was kind of glum (stiff too from all the belly dancing), wondering if I had it in me to get it all done and do it well. Right now, I can. The world needs more positive people. It makes such a huge difference. I'm actually feeling a little more like myself now. 'Bout damn time.

HRH

You have GOT to be kidding me

I wasn't going to blog today. I have one of those days at work where I'm going to have to, yet again, break the law of physics to get it all done. With that said, I give Einstein and Newton the finger and plod on through it all.

So why have I blogged? A quick inspection of Wendy's blog lead me to this site, where I was stunned, shocked and appalled at the sheer lunacy of this project. I then went to this site to see the petition and laughed out loud. It's not hugely shocking that there is idiocy like this in the world. I mean someone told me, just last night, about going to an open mic where a woman actually read a poem, to other people, about the trials and tribulations of Tram Arm. Gah.

First off, let me say "Yay. Free Speech." that these totally deranged people can stand up and say that the title The Two Towers is an insult to the memories of those killed in the 9/11 attacks.

I pause and shake my head to wonder "have they even read the book?" I'm thinking the connections, if there are any to be found, between WTC north and south and Orthanc and Barad Dur are pretty damn week.

Now let me say "Yay. Free Speech" that I can now stand up and say "Your grief over the attacks has clearly caused all the reason and logic in your brains to seep out of your ears. I think it's pretty safe to say that if the people who were killed in the attacks knew that you were doing this in their memory, they would come back from the heavens of their respective religions, from the very ashes of their graves, even recombine all the carbon atoms they were made of just to laugh at you."

If you want to serve the memories of those who died, go and do something constructive and hold to the values on which your country was founded. Go to your library and read about the principles of democracy and free speech. Become a useful member of your society rather than joining the already teeming masses of morons who think that "this must be stopped! They must be silenced."

Everybody knows, that the world is full of stupid people...
-The Refreshments - Banditos

Please people, don't walk outside without turning your brain on, and defintiely, don't create a webiste or movement without checking to see if your brain is firing on all engines.

HRH

It is a new world

A huge and grateful Thank you to Wendy for giving me the massage gift certificates for my birthday. I used the first today and OH MY GOD that was fantastic! I've created a standing appointment for the next few weeks with the hope that by the end of it I'll have a fully mobile back and be free of the mantle "stiffest neck in the country."

In other riveting news, the October In Style is on the stands in Prague, which made my lunch a great treat. In fact, the day has been full of treats so far. I had a well earned sleep in, found another two tapes of North American television in my mailbox at work (After 2 years the postal system is working for us Mike!) and I have the office entirely to myself. I've decided to celebrate by having a hot chocolate, finishing up my design work and taking off early. The only drag about today has been that we had no hot water this morning, and while I did use 7 kettles full of boiling water, mixed with the icy, memories-of-communisim-evoking water coming from the tap, my morning bath was less than the splendor I'd hoped it would be.

Today's colour would be a kind of lime green. Not a wholly offensive colour, and okay in the right situation, but just a shade or two off of right.

HRH

Sucka

So what if I own the single disc version of The Lord Of The Rings: Fellowship of the Ring on DVD and have the 4 disc set on order from Amazon.ca.... Stop shaking your head at me!

HRH

The storm has passed

Dude, was that exhausting. I've been busy as all get out this past weekend. It was the second charity softball tournament I've organized this year and the first time I had a chance to dance in sleet. Weather aside, it actually went pretty well. The teams had fun, we made a pretty good haul of coin, and it's pretty much all over. All I have left to do is return some plastic boxes and mail some thank you letters out. Easy as pie.

I have a bit of wind burn and I doubt that I'll ever be warm again, but I'm feeling okay with it all. Because it was so cold, we didn't sell as many cold beverages as we usually do, so we have piles upon piles of Coca Cola products in our office. Normally I would be thrilled by having lots of stuff around, except for the fact that I hate coke, am generally not a fan of pop and am left with a daily choice of carbonated water (in full carbonation and gently carbonated versions). I like my water with gas mind you, but those who like to fill their body with sugar and other evil always seem to get more choice.

Anyway it's all done. Which means that Kari is gone. I spent the whole weekend torn. I wanted the weekend to be over and to be free of the responsibility of a 200+ person tournament, but I also knew that at 8 a.m. this morning, my non-biological twin would be flying back to Los Angeles.

Can I just pause to say that this October has totally sucked.

We said our farewells last night at the post-tournament party. I don't think it's right that I've felt that kind of sad 3 times in the same month. I know that going back to the States is what's right for Kari, but it's hard. I don't know who I'm going to sms my petty ramblings to, or email all day and call at night. I wish that GSM technology was gobal so I could really be connected across the ocean. Everyone I know in North America here this: Learn to start using text messaging. It's the way to go. The sooner you all get on the bus, the sooner we can all be sending nonsense to eachother across the ocean for pennies.

So Bon Voyage Karinka! I can't wait until we're out for dinner or watching movies and Buffy together again. I'll have dessert in honour of you tonight. You spoiled me with your friendship... so come back already. Prague, and my heart, are just a little empty without you.

HRH

Dreams

Last night I barely slept. Purple days have a way of holding onto you so that you can get no real rest. And when you do sleep you have odd dreams, like the one I had last night. I'm not the type to remember the whole dream, but there are some details that have been stuck in my brain all day.

I was in Austria. Salzburg to be exact. It was about 1938 or so. The snow capped mountains surrounded the quaint rivier town. I walked in the foothills and gazed into the beautiful gardens. I wasn't me, but at the same time, I was. It's that whole dream state. You know that you're you... but different.

I was at the Von Trapp Family manson. It seemed that I was living the life of Fraulein (?) Maria and I had just gotten to the house to be introduced to the capitan, who was no longer dreamy 1960s Christopher Plummer, but was now dreamy M.

This isn't so strange for me. I have piles of dreams where reality and movies blend into one strange event. No, the strangeness happened when the "children" were introduced. Instead of Lisel, Friedrich, Luisa, Kurt, Brigita, Marta and Gretel it was, in THIS order, Kari, Mike, Wendy, Andrew, Carly, Klara and Tania. Indeed, I had unconciously turned my friends into the Von Trapp family children. It was particularly hard to take Mike as Freidrich with the hardy beard growing on what should be a 15-year-old boy...

I think Tania was Gretel because she's short, but I don't think a 5-year-old would be quite as pleasantly perverted as Tania is.

I'm really glad I don't believe in Freudian anaylsis... REALLY glad. And Kari is SO in trouble for singing "I am 16 going on 17" on the way back from lunch yesterday. See what you've done!

I think the best part of the dream was when reality and musical began to septarate and M was telling me that it was cruel to dress my friends up in sailor outfits.

All those who think I need a vacation, say "I."

HRH

We've got it!

M and I have be trying to sort out who would be number 5 on my list of famous men I'd be inclined to mount (my mother is going to read TODAY's blog I'm sure). And there has been much debate. M is baffled as to why Brad Pitt isn't on the list at all (it's a blond thing, I just don't dig) and I think has gotten fed up with me ruling men out because they're "short." There's only so far I can go with fantasy.

Anyway, after much debate and dicussion, it has come down to this:

1. Keanu Reeves
2. Harrison Ford in 1980
3. David Boreanaz
4. Vigo Mortensen

and... ta da!

5. Robbie Williams

Welcome to the list, Robbie... I hope you're tall enough to be here.

HRH

This seems to work

Darling Kari emailed me this list of quotes today, and one struck me as fitting the state of my life right now:

I try to take one day at a time, but sometimes several days attack me at once.
-Jennifer Unlimited

HRH

Colours

If bad days were colours, today would be purple.

HRH

Now it's clear

Ever wonder why Mike has become so enamoured with Macs? Maybe he knows something we don't?

HRH

Open letter to the inventor of underwire

Thank you, but OW!

Best,
HRH

XXX

After the sad events of yesterday afternoon, M, Kari and I went out. There wasn't much else we could do and staying home would have been depressing. M's mother graciously offered to pay for our dinner at Millhouse sushi, knowing that when you've had a bad day and felt loss, sometimes you need to do something good for youself. And it helped. Mike called while we were there, expressing his grief in that fact that Oscar wouldn't be climbing up his pant leg during his upcoming visit to Prague. We have some great friends.

After dinner we had another chance to play "spot the Prague" when we saw XXX. Possibly the loudest movie I've seen, XXX was truly made for the video game generation, which I thought I was part of but then I realized that I actually felt a little old while watching the film. The plot was generously strung together by extreme sports stunts and explosions, which were nice to watch, but again, really frickin loud. Like Planet of the Apes loud (Mike will know what this means).

The movie was also an educational experince. Shot in Prague last winter, I learned about so many new places I feel as though I don't even know the city. Kari called it "creative Geography." For example, I never knew that 30 minutes to the north of Prague there are Alps. Big Austrain Alps, which I'd always been sure were about 5 or 6 hours south of Prague in an entirely different country. Yes, the Czech Republic has mountains, but not Alps...

Also I learned that there's a really cool club in the Power Tower, just around the corner from my house. I'd remembered it as a gallery and a look out point for New Town, but lo and behold, it's a dance club owned by a bunch of Russian anarchists. Just beside it, is the Obecni Dum (Municipal House), where no one as "cool" as Vin Disel would go to lunch. It's where Granny and Grandpa tourist go for tea. Regardless, little did I know that just beside the bulding there is a staircase that takes you right across the river and up about 300 ft to Mala Strana. If only I'd known about this magic portal, I could have gotten to my classes in lesser town SO much faster.

Then there's the submarine sequence. Driving up the banks of the Vltava without encountering traffic? Ha! And at one point he has approching the Charles bridge from the South and then suddenly he was coming from the south? Also poor Vin falling into the Vltava... I wonder if he's grown a tail yet?

Of course, if I didn't live in Prague, I wouldn't find any of this so funny. I'd be one of the people who used to pester tour guides for reservations at the Aquarium restaurant on Old Town Square in Mission Impossible. It doesn't exist, just like the club where Rammstein plays in XXX doesn't exsist and most definitely not in the "impossible to get in to see the inside of Our Lady Of Tyn church. The movie had a lot of examples of what M calls "You can't get there from here." We had a lot of fun watching Mission Impossible again after moving here and seeing some of the liberties they took with it.

To XXX's credit, they did actually use the Czech interior ministry to shoot all the scenes that were supposed to be at Czech police head quarters. The uniforms were generally correct, but the representation of Prague police was generous. The most realistic part was the secret police cop who was bought off by the Russian Anarchist. I know there are some good cops in this country, but the force has a bad rep and corruption needs to be fixed before they can be respected. There is some amusement at the notion of a Czech police officer also being a pilot in the Czech media, but it wasn't so strange to me.

I laughed out loud when the Czech police force invaded the Russion compound "outside" of Prague (read: Austria). Mostly because they didn't use the APCs they have (oh wait, they're broken in front of RFE/RL) and seeing the Czech police in combat gear brought back found memories of IMF and preminitons of NATO in November.

I'm being unduely harsh on the film. It used Prague well, and it was nice to see home represented. I recognized a girl I used to waitress with in one of the slow-motion-the-unsuspecting-innocent- people-of-Prague scenes. And I got to see a movie that was filmed just around the corner from where I live. So that can't be all bad.

I wonder if this means I have to go and see Shanghai Knights now... Jackie Chan. Sigh.

HRH

Farewell to a friend

Yesterday was not a good day. After a long and difficult week M and I had to let go of Oscar, our ferret. It had become clear that he no longer had any sort of quality of life and that he was very sick. His abdomen was full of tumors, and they could have been removed with surgery, but they would have returned by the time he was finished recovering from surgery. There wouldn't be any time when he would be healthy. It was a heartbreaking thing to have to do. I've never dealt with death very much, and I know he was a pet, but I hope I don't have to kiss goodbye many more people or pets that I love in rest of the course of my life.

While I know it is what's best for him, I miss him and I feel an emptiness in our home today. He was an awesome ferret. Before his movement was limited by his weight he was a little ball of cute energy. He could jump so high, and pull clothes down off of anything. He has a penchant for socks, clean or dirty and could find the socks inside a bag of totally different things. There was the happy ferret dance of joy where he would jump backwards and bounce with unbridled joy. He was fearless, curious and adorable. He loved climbing up people's pant legs (eps. Mike's), and would often try to nibble at my feet while I slept (in a loving way). We used to take him for walks in when we lived in Kingston, let him play in the park and really dig in the earth. M would carry him in the hood of his sweater and it would be the sweetest thing to see.

When we moved to Prague, he would come to the barrier to greet us when we came home, and would stand on his back legs so we could pet him hello. He loved sleeping on slippers, having the occasional sip of beer and having his head and belly rubbed. He was very loved by friends and family alike and he was a well travelled ferret who didn't see the inside of a cage for most of his life. And dude, did he get treats.

He was a good pet, a good friend, and I'll forever miss the way he would lick my face and sleep on my feet. It's hard when you're used to looking underfoot to be sure you see him, to know that you're not going to see him again. You are missed and loved by myself, M, and Zeus and all of your extended family. Goodbye Oscar. Thank you for a wonderful 4 years (I only met him when he was 1 and 1/2), for all the fun, for all the trouble and for all the love.

The five

Why haven't I done my five yet? If you look back to the 23rd of September, you'll see that I did a kind of 4, with 75% of those listed being fictional characters. See my dilemma.Here's an attempt, but I hope I won't be held to it.

In no particular order...

(please imagine as I'm typing there a converstaion going on in my head, between me and me, going "Okay, that guy." "No way, are you mental? Did you see what he wore to the SAG awards?")

1. Kenau Reeves
2. Vigo Mortgensen
3. David Boreanaz
4. Harrison Ford circa 1980

(now imagine me as I type going "Who the hell am I going to put in the last position." "You could but Hayden in there." "Yeah, but did you see his hair in that issue of people?")

5. Undecided.

Sigh.

HRH

Gentlemen,

If you want to score major points with your girlfriend, if you want her to bring you beer, give you a massage or have her let you stay out late with the boys... this is how do get it done. Remember details, be flattered by the attention you get from your girl and tell everyone you know how awsome she is and what a lucky bastard you are to have her.

Just something to add into the non-existent boyfriend manual that you all so desperately need.

HRH

Wow, somebody speaks Wendy

It's nice to see that Vendulka is doing well and is still the queen of tangents. She talks in a kind of code where you have to be ready to jump and cross reference to something she may have told you a couple of months ago at a moments notice. Keeping up with Wendy's brain was fun when we was in Prague, but I can only imagne who fast it's running now that she's back in super-charged American culture and drinking a lot of coffee...

HRH

I think this line's mostly filler

The ONLY, and I repeat ONLY good thing about my friends leaving is the material things they're leaving behind with me. Today, the presents from Kari bonanza started. Books, magazines... and a present from Salzburg: a black scarf for belly dancing, jingle-y jangles and all. I shall think of Kari as a shake my booty.

Kari lent me her offical copy of Once more with feeling to enjoy for awhile before she leaves. It's a little stange to hear it without all the sounds from the show, and I think I prefer the artwork that her brother Andy created for us (Miguel being the kind burner of my bootleg), still it's nice to hear it again.

This weekend we're going to see XXX the Vin Diesel film. It's premering in Prague today and big baldy is in town for the premiere. Could be a good day for star spotting. Apparently I nearly stomped on a very short and famous Czech singer today while walking back from lunch with M and Kari. Who knew.

HRH

What the hippity-hop-hell is going on here?

Clearly I never paid enough attention to my servu-stats... Mysterious blog friend Mike Chaiton did some snooping on my stats bringing up things that I just don't understand. What the hell is this query function... I've never been to the Lancome store in Budapest. Sure I've been to Budapest... I've been to several Lancome stores (very nice staff), but what the?

I guess it all makes sense in the chaos theory sense of things, but dude, it's strange. My deepest sympathies to people who were looking for information on the Spolana chemical plant and got stuck looking at my vain, trivial rantings on curling mascara. The Chelsea hair Punk thing isn't so suprising. Ironic considering I don't live in the same postal code as punk, but not a shock.

I don't know Mike, maybe there was someone out there just like me. Crazy for Star Wars and Lord of the Rings, loves music, obsessed with beauty products, works for an NGO, writes freelance stories about nail care, digs Ayn Rand, misses her friends back home, loves living in Prague, is unabashedly self-absorbed and can't spell. I wonder if they're crazy too?

This whole internet thing, is WAY out of control.

HRH

A brain for business and a bod for sin

HAPPY BIRTHDAY WENDY! We all miss you so much and wish that we could be there to celebrate the greatness of you. Kari and I wil toast green tea to you at lunch today... and maybe sing a little.

HRH

Wah wah wah...

Yep, I'm going to keep on raging about The Two Towers. Last night, before the meeting I had to stay late for, I decided to watch the most recent trailer. I'm not going to go into detail, becase you can watch it for yourself, but I'm pretty much certain that what I'm afraid is going to happen is actually going to happen. M has suggested that it may all be a big rouse and that it's going to work out in Return of the King, and also pointed out that "It's just a movie." Which is true. I have this nasty habit of getting a little obsessed with things. M commented the other night that "They've given her another trilogy."

I'm going to see the movie. I'm sure I'm going to enjoy it, I'm just afraid that I'm going to become one of those people who walk up to actors and yell at them for things that their characters have done. Lame is like a fever that has yet to break...

HRH

Ahem

Dear Mike

NEEERRRRRRRDDDDD.

And thank you so much for the birthday present (now I make noise!) and the video. We watched Enterpise (not Ottawa's best mind you), Firefly (dude it's a western!... still I'm interested, but too much slide guitar) and Buffy (I'm thinking he's crazy, but I'm also thinking it would have been even more effective if he'd seen Angelus, but I know that wouldn't have been possible because of the physics involved in being on two networks at the same time). 21 days and counting.

HRH

Confessions a la Dooce

Oh the shame. Bask in it’s glow.

-The first concert I ever saw was Whitney Houston.
-I used to drive a brown station wagon with fake wood paneling, which I covered in surfing stickers. I’ve never surfed. Though I did love when the snowboarder guys would come into class and talk about the guy who must be so cool because of his surf wagon.
-My father bought me personalized license plates that said THE FUR (it all goes back to a bad perm), tragically I’m from Ontario where I license plates say "Yours to discover." I still plan on using them when I get my next car in Canada.
-I have seen the New Kids on the Block in concert and I screamed my 12-year-old heart out at Donnie’s pelvic thrusting, though I had NO idea what it all meant.
-I loved the ballet movie Center Stage
-I used to own all the early Mariah Carey cassette singles.
-When I was a little girl I used to pretend that I had more middle names than I did.
-I once sang along to Salt n’ Peppa’s "Shoop" whist dancing with a wide receiver from the University of South Carolina. He said I could flow for a white girl.
-I thought that Captain Power and Jem were the best things on TV for an embarrassingly long amount of time.
-Further proving my penchant for rap, I lip synched Sir-Mix-A-Lot’s "Baby Got Back" in front of my ENTIRE highschool at a pep rally at the behest of the rest of the basketball team… It hurts us.
-When I was still dancing, I once danced in the Grade 8 talent show to the theme from Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles by Technotronic and actually managed to kick my slipper off of my foot. Consequently I lost the competition to a bunch of guys who lip synched to Slaughter’s "Up all night." They had lighting effects.
-I still think that Whitney Houston’s "I’m Your Baby Tonight" is a great song.
-I was once handcuffed to the flag pole at Albert College.
-I adore watching awards shows.
-I have been rejected by some total losers and trampled the hearts of some really sweet boys.
-I could perform a one-woman show of the following musicals The Sound of Music, Moulin Rouge, Xanadu, Grease 2 and The Pirate Movie
-I once dressed up as Sailor Mars from Sailor Moon for Halloween.

The continuing disgrace of my heros

Martina had Premire magazine (in Czech) at SPUSA today where she confirmed what Ted Casablanca has earlier alluded to about the Two Towers.

SPOILERS for those who have not read THE TWO TOWERS or RETURN OF THE KING

Apparenly a great deal of the movie focuses upon the "romance" between Aragorn and Eowyn, thereby confirming that Peter Jackson and co are going to corrput the incorruptable relationship between Aragorn and Arwen. In the books he assumes his place as king of men to prove himself worthy of the fairest of the elves. He does it all, the battles, the toil, the whole kitten cabodle because he wants to be with Arwen. Because he wants to be worthy of her, because he wants to be great. As he comes to understand his greatness he becomes more and more sucessful in the war of the ring.

Maybe I have morals and ideals that have passed out of fashion, but when you're on a quest to prove yourself worthy of the mantle of King of Men and worthy of the fairest of the elves, you do not take time out of pursue the Lady of Rohan. It's a contradiction to Aragorn's character if they make the interest mutual. Being a hero isn't just about being good with a sword and an inspiration to soldiers, there's a huge amount of HONOUR involved.

If he were to pursue something with Eowyn, if even for a moment, how could he use the standard that Arwen created for him in battle? Wouldn't that make him a fraud? The charm of these stories is that the romances are clear. People fall in love and do great things for that love and then have much deserved happiness. Why must people in our time mess with these stories and make the story more like the way things are today, where everyone is corrupt and there are no heros. There are times and places to develop the idea of the corruptability of man, but not in The Lord Of The Rings. That isn't the place. It's the place where we dream about living in a world where there are heros.

And really, if the character of Arwen, who is the fairest of the race of the fair isn't compelling enough to keep her man's eyes from wandering then there's clearly no hope for the rest of us.

SPOILERS ABOVE FOR THE TWO TOWERS

HRH

HAPPY BIRTHDAY KARI!

Here's hoping Austria rocks the rock-rock. Wish I could be with you...but I'd just be sneezing on you.

HRH

I have no time for this

Things are busy. Darn busy. There are several things that I absolutely must get done tomorrow and I may have to break the laws of physics to actually do them. Of course I won't be able to do any of that if I'm sick. Which I am. Which makes me grumpy. And I can't seem to stop eating the brownies Wendy made me for my birthday, which I'm sure isn't helping my cold any.

Sniff.

HRH

So that was dumb

I don't really have anything interesting to report from my life today, save that M and I are heading out with Kari for dinner tonight to celebrate her birthday. Promises to be fun. I hope she likes her present... not like I'm going to say what it is here... I know she's reading.

Anyway, Dawn emailed me this wonderful tidbit from The National Post.

Brazilian presidential candidate Ciro Gomes found out the hard way how powerful female voters have become in Brazil. When voters go to the polls on Sunday to choose a new president, women will outnumber men for the first time. Asked how this might influence the outcome of the race, Mr. Gomes made a politically fatal mistake."Sure women are important," said Mr. Gomes. "Take my girlfriend. She has the most important role of all, which is to sleep with me." The comment made national news, even in a country with a reputation for being macho-oriented. Mr. Gomes, a former governor of Ceara state who was rising steadily in the polls, promptly slid to a distant fourth. He now has 11% support, according to the Ibope polling agency, and almost no chance to win.

Dumbass.

HRH

Funny

If you check out this article from the Globe and Mail, you'll learn that Canadians apparently have little or a strange sense of humour.

This joke was found to be considered the funniest joke in the world:
"A couple of New Jersey hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing; his eyes are rolled back in his head.

The other guy whips out his cellphone and calls the emergency services. He gasps to the operator: 'My friend is dead! What can I do?'

The operator, in a calm, soothing voice, says: 'Just take it easy. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead.'

There is a silence; then a shot is heard. The guy's voice comes back on the line. He says: 'Okay, now what?' "

So I laughed at that. Apparently Canadians wouldn't find that as funny as this next joke with barely made me smile:

"A Texan says, 'Where you from?' to a Harvard grad.

The Harvard grad says, 'I come from a place where you don't end your sentences with prepositions.'

So the Texan says, 'Okay. Where you from, jackass?' "

Sigh.

HRH

If you want my body and you think I'm sexy...

I woke up with the REVCO version of that song in my head today....just a little bit strange. Anywho, getting Corey in the "Which Emprie Records character are you?" quiz got me thinking about the old days at HMV. I never threw myself at a rock star. I've never slept with anyone who's a rock star (maybe with a couple who fancied themselves a rock start in their own mind, but that's another blog). I've never done speed. All I did was wear mini-kilts and boots. I was cute too.

While I never got to be a starf*cker, I did have several epic infatuations over the years. Let me see if I can remember them all. It began when I was in grade 6 I think. Yes, the keyboardist from Glass Tiger (I was like 10!). I think his name was Sam... Anyway, then there was Donnie Wahlberg (sp?) from the New Kids. That was was pretty instense for a 12 year old. My sister has a photo of me in my room, which was basically a shrine (no surface left uncovered). I think she's holding onto it for blackmail purposes.

Anyway, I hit my teens and shed the teeny-bopper crapulence. As I teen I lusted for Zac Foley of EMF (he played bass), various basketball players (?), Scott Weiland (just before all the heroin problems)... wow I'm having trouble remembering them now. My infatuations work in a way that when I'm "over" someone, I generally wash their memory out of my brain. Unless I have physical evidence (like the blackmail photo, CDs or videos). Oh yeah, for most of grade 9 and 10, I was totally in love with Dana Ashbrook who played Bobby Briggs on Twin Peaks.

As I got older, the fascinations got stranger. This brings us up to my obsession with Gavin Rossdale of Bush. It lasted for about a year (the same year I was pretty much nutters, coincidence?). I thought he was just the greatest thing since sliced bread. I even dated someone with a vauge physical resemblence to him (the shame), which was otherwise I pretty huge disaster (man, am I ever lame). I loved the music, thought he was just so deep and thoughtful. Isn't amazing what you can warp in your mind when you're infatuated. I ended up meeting him once. At an In Store I was working at, and it was a deflating experience, which I suppose I can't begrudge him for. Besides, my "Rex Manning" got married a couple of weeks ago to the very cool Gwen Stefani, so he can't be all bad.

The experience did put me off every wanting to meet someone I'd admired from afar. There's no way they can ever possibly measure up to your expectations. Except for maybe Tori. M assures me that she wouldn't dissappoint. I almost "met" her. M and I went to the meet and greet at the Toronto show in 1999. I stood just behing thhe first row of people and watched. She was amazing, cool and totally Tori. She makes me believe that sometimes people you admire without meeting are worthy of it.

Anyway, as I've gotten older, the infatuations have lessened. There were brief interludes of interest in personalities that have since escaped my memory, though I'm sure I adored them will all my heart at the time. I still have silly things like "the list" and sometimes I hear music that makes me think "I could love the person who created this beauty." But it's not love, it's admiration. When you're young and finding yourself, you mix those things up and when you find out that the person you "love" is human after all. It can be a heartbreaking experience for reality-challenged dreamers like me.

Moral of today's story: Real people are always better.

HRH

And todays award for dumb stunts goes to...

PRAGUE. Jan Kasl of the European Democrats will rappel from the Motokov skycraper on Sunday as part of a campaign stunt. His party's spokeman said he will show is bravery as a candidate for mayor. Pravo

HRH

Not even funny


Which Empire Records Character Are You? Find out @ She's Crafty

HRH

100 Things

One of the many blogs that M reads is the blog of this fellow, Ernie. While it's not on my
list of daily sites to see, Ernie did something the other day that inspired me. This person has started (and finished) a project trying to get 100 people to post 100 things about themselves on their blog within 100 days. This 100 person goal was achieved in 10 days.

While we were at Wendy's farewell party, Kari commented that she did know if she's be able to do that. Write 100 things about herslef. I confidently said that 100 things would be no problem. Mostly because I'm pretty self-absorbed (self-assured as Kari says). So it's time to put my money where my mouth is.

100 things about me

1.   I was born in Kingston, Ontario, Canada.
2.   I have brown hair and brown eyes.
3.   My ancestry is about 3 parts Scottish and 1 part German.
4.   One of my nicknames in highschool was Casper. (guess why)
5.   I have lived in the Czech Republic for more than 2 years.
6.   I speak English well, Czech barely, French lazily and can only read easy German.
7.   I went to Queen's University.
8.   I played varsity Basketball for 4 years of highschool. I was in the starting line up for 1 of those years.
9.   I started playing the piano when I was 3 years old.
10. I generally only enjoy books if they're about aliens, wizards, Templars or philosophy.
11. I studied film and art history at University.
12. I learned most of the skills I use in my present job from the student newspaper I was invovled in.
13. I have a grey cat named Zeus.
14. I worked in a record store for 5 years.
15. I loved music more before I started working at the store than when I left.
16. I started playing the double bass when I was 11 years old.
17. My double bass was made in Czechoslovakia, but didn't make the trip back when I moved to Prague.
18. I'm learning how to knit.
19. My favourite colours are blue, black, green and red.
20. I can't run or play any high impact sports as I messed up my knee by playing high impact sports and running while I was growing.
21. When I was growing up I wanted to be a dancer, a singer, a figher pilot, a marine biologist, a psychologist or a hair stylist.
22. My favourite movie is The Empire Strikes Back.
23. I am an athiest.
24. I sleep with a stuffed animal that my parents bought for me just before I was born. It's a puppet bunny named Bundy.
25. I used to ride horses, but gave it up after being thrown from a horse named Joker.
26. I have a sister who is 5 and 1/2 years older than I am and almost 10 inches shorter.
27. I am strong in mind and body.
28. I often read and write the insides of words backwards. I've always called it dyslexia, but I'm pretty sure that dyslexia is more complicated than that.
29. I am allergic to peanuts.
30. I am an idealist.
31. My favourite foods are sushi, ceasar salad and salt and vinegar chips. Not all together of course.
32. Yesterday, a man on the tram looked at me like I was beautiful.
33. I spend too much of my time being angry.
34. I don't spend a lot of my time grounded in reality.
35. I am in love.
36. I bought a bicycle last week.
37. I grew up in a house on the lake.
38. I sleep the most deeply when I can hear water moving.
39. I am not afraid of the dark.
40. I want to see fireflies again before I die.
41. I am very picky about what I eat.
42. I am a creature of habit.
43. I am afraid of dying.
44. I am afraid that when I die, no one will know who I was.
45. I adore beauty products.
46. I love being under water.
47. I have hurt people's feelings. Usually not intentionally.
48. I hate wearing socks, though I understand the necessity.
49. I think cows are funny.
50. I can be a jealous person.
51. I am obessed with the notion that I might smell bad.
52. I one of my favourite pieces of classical music is the Herberdies Overture by Mendelson. (None of that is spelt correctly)
53. My mother used to make me wear the colour red all the time. I rebelled against it as soon as I could, but now, about 14 years later, I've come to embrace it and maybe recognize that it is a really good colour on me.
54. When I'm home alone, I dance.
55. I love playing card games.
56. My favourite season is fall.
57. I almost got a tan this summer.
58. I'm learning how to belly dance.
59. I think it would be gratifying to lash out and hit something.
60. I love my blog.
61. I've kept a diary or journal in some form for the last 15 years.
62. My sister says I have the handwriting of a serial killer. I think it's rather pretty.
63. I love Christmas carols.
64. I am not gifted with languages. Life would be easier if I was.
65. I do not suffer fools gladly.
66. I love reading, though I tend to read the same books over and over again. I don't enjoy most of the books out there today.
67. I think I'm pretty strange.
68. But I like that.
69. I can list all 50 US states in less than 5 minutes.
70. I am Canadian.
71. People often confide in me and ask me for advice.
72. I hope I'm helpful.
73. I have tried many expensive hair products, but my hair looks and behaves best when I use Pantene. It's a blow to my premium beauty product snobbery.
74. I have a very strong sense of smell.
75. I don't plan on having children.
76. My favourite musical artists include Massive Attack, Tori Amos, Muse, Nine Inch Nails and The Sneaker Pimps.
77. I am inspired by great deeds.
78. Noise makes me very tense.
79. I'm not interested in drugs and I think I'm an asshole when I'm drunk.
80. I have problems trusting people.
81. I think my father is brilliant.
82. I have a pretty amazing life.
83. I used to think that I wouldn't live to turn 24.
84. I look prettiest when I'm laughing.
85. I've tried to grow my hair really long so that I could, just once, dress up like Princess Leia. I don't believe in doing a half assed effort with the
costume, but my hair is really heavy, so I usually give up.
86. I am stubborn.
87. I tend to be very hard on people that get in my way. I need to learn to be better about that.
88. I cried last night because I realized that I don't know when the super-girls will meet up again.
89. I don't know what I want to be when I grow up.
90. I want to get married someday.
91.  My favourite TV shows are Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Enterprise, The West Wing and Angel.
92. I love watching TV with M. Czech or otherwise.
93. I make the bed every morning.
94. I am an obsessive organizer. I think it's part of my fear of death.
95. My mother knows exacly how I work and knows exactly how to handle me.
96. My life has become better as I have gotten older.
97. My favourite books are Atlas Shrugged by Ayn Rand, The Lord of the Rings by Tolkien, Foccualts Pendulum by Umberto Eco and The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy by Douglas Adams.
98. I believe that there are answers to everything.
99. I am beginning to accept that I will never be a mathematical genius of any sort.
100. I think I'm funny and usually on purpose.

HRH

These pants are uncomfortable

It's true. They are. And you know what? They're not even my pants. They're my ex-boyfriend Grant's pants that I got in the break up, years ago. I don't have them because of any attachment to him, but because they're made of un-cut corduroy and look pretty cool. But they're uncomfortable. The waistband rests on my belly in such a way that I constantly feel like I need to go to the bathroom when I'm wearing them... And it's not as though they're tight pants... it's just something about the waist band. It's like everything in the hips is like a centimeter off right.

So I took them off and I've changed pants. Now I'm wearing the grey cords that match nothing. Not quite grey... not quite black. Everything looks wrong with them. But they're comfy. If I were in for the night I'd leave them on, but I'm heading off to Wendy's goodbye party and there are going to be people there. And I really can't wear these pants in front of people. Off they come too.

Jon would suggest that I wear No Pants!, but I don't feel like wearing my boots as I wore them yesterday and put a few klicks on them. What to wear? I'm going to a smoky cafe, so I don't want to wear anything that I might want to wear again before I do laundry.

God, this post is so inane, even I'm bored.

Today I wish that I was smart the way that everyone else is smart and not be smart in my own way. Then I might understand things more. But I don't, and I'm weird, and I'm usually totally ok and happy with that. Clearly I need to listen to some ABBA.

HRH

I'm cured?

Having read Mike's and Kari's post from yesterday about doughnuts, I thought I was going to fall into a horrible pit of craving and longing for a chocolate dipped. I sat at my desk, clutching the sides of it, waiting for the waves of pain to rush through my body and nothing happened. I read their posts again. Maybe I fell and dislodged some of my wiring, but again, no craving. No ache in my belly, no salavating taste buds, nothing. But I'd spoken too soon, there was something. A little voice inside spoke out from the depths of my psyche and said a plain little "Ew."

I was puzzeled, disoriented. Had my diet taken over my brain? It wasn't the "Ew" of "you'll get fat from that", but the "Ew" of "why the hell would you want to eat that." Were all my cravings turning on me? Thankfully no. I took a moment to ponder my favourite foods I can't eat and BLAMMO there were the cravings. I could almost taste the evil mixture of french fries, gravy and cheese that is poutine (something I haven't eaten since August of 2001) and I could hear the bags of Salt and Vinegar chips at Tesco calling my name. "Chelsea! Chelsea! Everything will be better once you have a couple chips. Think of all that salty goodness."

That was when I discovered what my real diet enemy is. I'm not so much a chocolate person, and I can only take sweet if it's mixed with a hearty does of sour. My albratros is my unending, mind-bending, need for salt. I would drink soy sauce if I didn't make me feel like a dried up lizard. Salt and a lithe frame do not make good bedfellows. Even worse when loaded on some starchy, fried thing. I thought I was saved from it all by living here... where there are no salt and vinegar chips or poutine. Once I swore of fried cheese, everything looked okay. Then about a month ago, Tesco introduced S&Vs. It's a weekly battle when I pass the chip ailse. Which is more important? The craving of my body or my desire to look a certain way. Usually we reach a comprimise. S&Vs are available in small little single portion bags (as I would eat the entire bag, regardless of the size) so I buy two for the week and then eat those two that same night (like I did on Monday). It's my crime. That and movie candy... which I had twice last week.

It's never easy. Really if I'm going to restrict what I eat, I should just do so and shut up about it. No? Consider it done.

HRH

The biggest blond joke in history

From Wired:

"Contrary to reports circulating in the media last week, blondes are not an endangered species. The report cited a study by the World Health Organization that concluded the last natural blonde will disappear sometime around 2202. WHO issued a statement Tuesday that it has never conducted research on this subject and, what's more, has "no opinion on the future existence of blondes." So a rich vein of joke material will not be lost after all."

HRH

Busy as a beaver

I wanted to make sure I posted something today and thank Ian for finding the rest of my post to Tara. Darn html... Of course when I try to edit the post to fix the html that turned the text of my post into one GIANT link, blogger gives me the ol' error 404. Perhaps this is come of the complex programming that comes with Pro. The warned me about it, and offered to let me downgrade (wouldn't you say degrade) to the previous version. And I've discovered that blogger pro doesn't want to work with Netscape, so I can't use it on the crappy little mac. Thankfully I get to use the imac a lot more at work now.

Anyway, it's been a very busy day, though I don't feel like I got a lot of work done, I did make a dent. I also created more work for myself. Just what I needed. We're doing a new fundraiser on November 28th with the Prague Philharmonia, so I have less than 2 months to figure out just how I pull that off... 19 days to the softball tournament. I guess I'll sleep in December. I'm pretty excited about the concert however. I've felt really disconnected from music since I left Canada and my Double Bass behind (sniff). The orchestra's playing one of my favourite Mozart pieces, symphony No. 40 in G minor (unless that's 25... hrm, best do some researching at home), and to be honest, my personality and taste is more suited to the arts and music than it is to softball and (urg) Rugby.

In other festive news, I purchased Wendy's goodbye and happy birthday present today and half of Kari's brithday present. Of course we're all Libras. Though looking at the Birthday's board, I'm the only Libra working in The Prague Post offices. That's just a little strange.

HRH